Frustrations

I love and hate Facebook. I've made that clear multiple times. I've been given some information via Facebook that turns my stomach.

Rewind to my Senior year of High School. I had a friend named Jessica. We were good friends. We hung out with the same basic circle of friends, and I even dated (and had relations) with her older brother Jeff. Jessica got pregnant while she was in school. When she told her mom, her mother kicked her out of the house. Me being the great friend I am, asked my mother if she could stay with us until things got better. Jessica stayed with us for MONTHS. Nearly through her full pregnancy. Jessica had the baby, quit school and moved into her own apartment. (She did, however, get her H.S. Diploma a few months later.) Her mom welcomed her back into the family again as if nothing ever happened. I left for college. A month into being at Stetson, I found out that Jessica's child died of SIDS. It was heartbreaking, but I felt it was also somewhat of a miracle, as Jessica had no help raising her child (her mom was too busy to help, and the father wasn't around), and she didn't have the means to take care of herself, let alone a child. I figured this would allow Jessica to start over, and really be able to make something of herself.

What happens?

She gets pregnant again, with a different guy, and has her son. She does alright for herself. Struggles something awful. When I would come home to visit, I'd stop in at her apartment. (I'd always have to take anything worth while out of my car, for fear that it wouldn't be there when I returned to it.) She still wasn't in a good position to raise her son, but she did her best. She had state assistance, but also worked full time to earn the money she needed. Her dreams of school were extinguished.

I find out a couple of years ago that she is pregnant again. Still living in the same apartment. Still in the same boat. No money, no man, bad situation. She's having a girl. I think "How on Earth is she surviving? How are those kids getting along? She has no money for anything, and her family doesn't help her at all!" Seeing pictures of her son, his front teeth are black, but he looks healthy besides that. (I can't stand baby teeth that haven't fallen out being rotten with cavities. That drives me bonkers.) Her daughter looks good. Jessica seems sad, depressed and unsure of the direction her life has taken her in. She busts her ass at the same job she's had since High School (working at the local Winn Dixie) to provide, and she is still on state assistance.

Jessica and I have started talking again, and I find out that she is pregnant for a third time. This time, the kicker: She has NO home to live in. She's currently trying to figure out where she and her two children will live, and yet she's pregnant with another one.

Condoms are cheap. Birth Control is cheap if not free at Planned Parenthood. Abstinence is free.

She is now going to have three children by three different men. She has no home, no steady job (as Winn Dixie laid her off not too long ago) and no support. Her family isn't around, and neither are the father's of the babies. Now, my sister has three kids by three different men, but her situation was different. Her first child is from her Husband. They got divorced, she had her son with her boyfriend who took off. She had full benefits from her job, a steady job, a home of her own AND the support of her family. Her third child came from her current husband who also legally adopted her two other kids.

Jessica is not in a good situation, but I cannot feel sorry for her. It was her life choices that led her in this direction. It was her poor planning and careless thinking that put her in this situation. I do, however, feel endlessly sorry for her kids. Her kids, even though young, are being uprooted, and God knows when they will have a home that will be their home for years. They're going to be fed the worst possible foods because of their inexpensive cost, they are going to see their mother struggle to make ends meat and to provide, and that to me is just sad.

I mean, Jesus! That would be like me getting pregnant right now. I have a place to live, but I'm not going to say that I've never been late on my rent. I can't say that I haven't had to borrow to pay my bills before. It's not often, but once is enough in my book. Yes, I've managed to take care of a dog for nearly a year and a half yet, but I also haven't had to take him to the vet more than a check-up here and rabies shot there. Could I care for a child right now? No way! There is no doubt in my mind that my mother would do everything in her power for me and my child, but with no husband/partner and no financial stability, I could not even think of having a child. Perhaps it's the fact that I want my child to have all of the necessities, or perhaps it's because I lived in a single parent home where she struggled to pay for things. I don't want my child to ever live in a house where the electric gets turned off or where the fridge has nothing more than some milk and juice in it. I want my child to have the childhood I had and more, and I will not allow myself to bring a child into this world until I know that that will happen. (Although, seriously, how would I even get pregnant right now? There's no man, no prospect of a man, no man in my town, nothing.)

Now that my rant is over, I'm going to read something other than facebook posts for awhile.

Ugh

I'm not sure why the body behaves the way it does, but I don't like it. Why of course it's possible to breathe through an opening the size of a drinking straw, but I'm pretty sure not getting enough oxygen in my blood stream is going to create other problems.

Anyway, despite my illness, things on the home front are alright. My war against mice seems over. I caught a total of 8 mice, and I haven't caught of heard anymore since the last one. We'll see.


Tomorrow is skating lesson number two, and I'm going to go try on a pair of decent skates, since the rentals suck. I enjoy being on skates. It reminds me of all the time I used to spend on rollerblades.

I finished the 8th book in the Sookie stackhouse series by Charlaine Harris, and I plan on picking up book 9 tomorrow. Such a good series!

Off to get ready for work.

-- Jessica

12 in 12

The alarm I'm setting on my phone as a back-up for every upcoming Saturday morning. I'm thinking that the pain of waking up that early will be worth it in the long run.






I have to wear thin, nylon socks for skating. Apparently cotton socks hold moisture in and make your feet freeze. They are also too thick for a good fit in your skates.






At about 3:30 in the afternoon I began to crash. I pulled out a book and a bottle of white mango acai tea to pick my energy level up.






Mom was making turkey pot pie for dinner, but I left before it was finished baking. My poor dog had been alone for far too long.






Clean laundry from the week before still at mom's. I'm a slacker.






So beyond tired on my way home. I couldn't even pretend to be awake.






One little surprise waiting for me when I returned. Coda had chewed through my surge protector cord while it was plugged in. I have had this surge protector since freshman year of high school. I now have no way of plugging my tv, alarm clock and DVD player in at the same time. I have to use an outdoor extension cord for the time being to have a working tv in my room.






After lecturing my dog about chewing the things he shouldn't, he decided he was going to be cute.







Watching husband number 2 on a re-run of true blood. Such a good show. (and yea, Alexander skarsgard is husband number 2.)






Damn mice and their damn turds. Another little surprise waiting for me when I got home. War against mice begins tomorrow.






The laundry I didn't get to do today, but will be brought to moms to do tomorrow.






My empty September calander. Nothing exciting written, aside from true bloods finale and some birthdays.

And there is your 12 in 12.
-- Jessica

Summer's End.

My last week before going back to work began on Monday. I'm thankful that I had vacation time, but being bored out of your mind for days on end drives me nuts. I am a person who likes to stay busy. I've always been that way. Yes, I need some down time, but not weeks of it. I've spent more time wasting away my life on the computer, and it drives me nuts. Mom and I have been butting heads, but only because we're on overload. I've had to deal with her more in the past couple of weeks than I normally do. We just really need our space. I am looking forward to heading back to the center. I miss my kids and I certainly miss my daily routine!

Saturday is going to be a fun day. I'm going to the playhouse to see Hairspray and the Broadway Burlesque cabaret with my older brother and sister-in-law. I haven't seen them in a year so it should be fun. I will also get to see and say goodbye to all of my favorite people at the playhouse, since most of them are leaving next week.

Starting next month, I am going to try something new with my blog. One of my friends from the playhouse had been participating in "12 in 12": an idea created by Chad Darnell in which you use 12 pictures to tell the story of your day on the 12th day of the month. It should be interesting to see what comes out of it. :-)

I have an idea for a book, and I am actually thinking about putting the idea into motion. I just need to figure out the logistics of the book, and then we'll see how far I get.

That's about it for me. Until next time.

Colorado

Well, my trip has come to an end and here I sit at my mom's house in New York. I can honestly say that I had a great time.

Sunday:

Arrived at the Crown Plaza around 11:30. We had to wait an additional two hours for our rooms to be ready. We hung out in the lobby, as all of us were dead tired. We had to be up and on the hotel shuttle in Newark by 4:00 am to catch our flight. We get into our rooms, get unpacked and head to the pool. After swimming for awhile, we go out to eat (Outback! Yay!), head back to the room and go to bed. Not a very productive first day, but that's what happens when you're dead tired.

Monday:

Wake up, have breakfast in the hotel lounge, jump in the car with part of our group and head towards Pikes Peak. It's a beautiful day, but torrential downpours are expected in the afternoon. We get to the train station, pay for our tickets and hop on board. The Cog Railroad that takes you to the summit is fun. It's 3 hours round trip, with about 40 minutes at the top. Our guide fills us in on all sorts of facts about the area and about the peak itself. Pikes Peak is the 32nd highest fourteener (mountains over 14,000 feet) in Colorado, and yet it seems so high on the way up. The guide keeps telling us that if we begin to feel the altitude, drink water and just relax. Getting worked up about the feelings you may experience will only cause it to become worse. I am the only one in my entire group that felt completely normal while up on the summit. Everyone else said they felt drunk and on the verge of being sick. I walked around, took pictures and enjoyed every minute of the experience. Yes, we have our mountains in New York, but nothing like this. The horn sounds, so we jump back on the train to head back to the bottom. The conductor of the train sits by us on the way down (we're in the row right by his seat) and we talk most of the way down. (Cute!) As soon as we get to the station, the skies open up and we get blasted by rain and hail. We get in the car and head back to the hotel. We get back basically in time to eat some dinner, and go to bed.

Tuesday:

Wake up, have free breakfast in the hotel lounge (the hotel messed up the refrigerators in the rooms, so they treated our entire group to breakfast), then get ready to go to the Garden of the Gods. We take the drive out there, and then hike a bit through the garden. The rock formations were gorgeous. I had such a good time. I actually wandered off the paved trails a bit and took a hike up the base of one of the formations. It was a lot of fun. Afterwards, we headed to one of the local ice rinks to let the girls get in a good practice. The rink was beautiful. All of the girls skated well, and after two hours we decided to head back to the hotel. We ordered pizza in and swam until the pool closed.

Wednesday:

More skating, checking in for the State Games and an early night to bed. A pretty boring day.

Thursday:

Olivia's first two events. There were so many people there to skate. Olivia skated so well in both her Compulsory and her Footwork program, as did all of the girls that competed that day. Her footwork program ended, we got her placement and headed out to dinner. Dinner was fantastic, and it was time for us to head back to the World Arena for the Opening Ceremonies. I've never seen anything like it. Gymnasts opened the show, we had the parade of states and the athletes representing them, local bands, Idol Stars, Olympic Gold Medalists and the Olympic Flame. It was a good deal of fun. We headed back to the hotel and went to bed.

Friday:

Olivia had her Showcase and her Freestyle competitions, so we went to the rinks to watch. She again skated beautifully. We headed back to the hotel, swam, had dinner, went to bed.

Saturday:

Olivia's final event. GORGEOUS! We were so proud. We then watched a few more of our girls. Headed back to the hotel. Swam, had dinner, went to bed. Boring, I'm aware.

Sunday:

Went to see Seven Falls. It's the only waterfall in the state of Colorado that is recognized by the National Geographic. It was gorgeous. We had a great time there. We took a shuttle back to the Broadmoor Hotel, which is beautiful. Did some shopping, went back to the hotel to do some more shopping, packed, and swam. Mom and I had a few drinks and I was hit on by a Dilbert look-a-like. Went to bed.

Monday:

Up at 7. Finish packing the last of our crap. Head out to the airport. Do some shopping in the airport shops before we board the plane. We are given an AMAZING snack on the plane. (Beef Jerky, Crackers and Soft Cheese from England, twix bars, dried fruit.) We land in Houston, shop some more and wait to jump on our connecting flight. I wander down to Einstein's Bagels to get a tasty turkey (ahh college memories) and yet they don't make cold turkey sandwiches, and they're out of turkey completely. (What?!) I grab a salad and wander back. In all the places in all the world, I'm in Houston, a place I've never been before. Who do I see in the airport? My ex, the pilot. (Kris.) He's sitting in the bar that I walk by, and he gives me a nod and a wave. Okay. Weird. I walk back, get on my connecting flight, and settle in for the LONGEST plane ride in history. (Okay, maybe not, but the time change makes it feel like it was.) Turkey Croissant Dogs, Salad and Twix bars later, I'm watching the in flight movie, and my tailbone is throbbing. We land at 8:00 PM (we left Colorado Springs at 11:00 AM) and have to wait an hour for a shuttle back to the hotel we left the car at. (Joy.) We get there, drive an hour and a half from Newark to Newburg, stop to eat some real semblance of dinner, then head back to Stephanie's house so we can pick up mom's car. We grab the car and head another hour back towards mom's. Finally, we arrive. (1:00 in the morning.) I upload pictures and go to bed.

All in all, a great trip that was much needed. I enjoyed myself and would really like to explore other parts of Colorado. We'll see if this happens at some point. :-)

Random thoughts

This post will probably be all over the place, but I figure it's best to get the thoughts out of my head while I can. :-)

MTV has a new show, and I am really upset with it. It's called "16 and Pregnant" and it chronicles the lives of teenage parents. So far, I've watched 5 episodes. 4 of the 5 teens kept the baby. The one I watched today made me cry, because the parents decided to give the baby up for adoption. The parents were FURIOUS, yet they themselves couldn't provide a stable home environment for the teenage parents. The teens were wise beyond their years, and sadly had to be parents to their own parents. To be selfless and not to think about yourself but the well-being of your child is a difficult thing, but I commend this couple for what they did. For the other episodes of the show, it almost glorified children having children. What will our youth learn from these shows? Oh, it's okay to be a teenage parent? Mom and Dad will take care of my little family? I know it's a growing problem, but really? Do we need to televise it? Why not televise all of the ADULT parents who are struggling to provide for their kids? The ones who waited, and still don't have everything in order. Show our youth that even if you try to plan a child, it doesn't always work out the way you want it to. Raising a child is difficult, emotionally, physically as well as monetarily. Ugh...

Today was a hiking day for me. We (Bek, Bree, Jill, Olivia and I) went up to North/South Lake (a state park/camp ground) to hike up to artist's rock (for lunch) then to continue on to sunset rock. We had a good time and really enjoyed the fact that the sun wasn't beating down on us. (It was pretty cloudy for the most part, and it threatened to rain on us a number of times.) We finished our hike at North/South Lake and continued on to Kaaterskill Falls. Kaaterskill falls is the tallest waterfall in the state, and it is by far one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen. It's a half mile from the road to the base of the falls, and it's all steps. Literally. Try walking up stairs that go up a solid 75 degrees and are nothing but mud, rocks and roots. Try doing that for a half mile. Try doing that while your legs are feeling like jell-o because of the 4 miles you just hiked prior. Yeah, it sounds like hell, no? It's not. (hehe) It's actually a really fun time. Once we got to the base of the fall itself, we climbed some rocks and positioned ourself under the cascading water. It seriously felt amazing. Talk about a great massage. We walked back down, changed clothes (behind the car and a towel) and drove home. Once ice cream stop and we were home. My body hurts, and I ended up with a charlie horse in my shoulder while trying to hook my bra. It was totally worth it. I really enjoy hiking, and definitely wouldn't trade it for anything. Perhaps this is why my mother would like me to marry a forest ranger.

Colorado is right around the corner and I'm beyond excited. I have already decided on a number of things to do while we are there, and I'm only hoping that the schedule permits all of it! I want to take the railroad up to Pike's Peak, which is supposed to be phenomenal. The Garden of the Gods is also supposed to be amazing. There is Seven Falls (259 steps from the bottom to the top, but it's GORGEOUS and recognized by National Geographic, which definitely piques my interest), Cave of the Winds, Royal Gorge Bridge (country's highest suspension bridge at 1,054 feet), and of course, rafting the Arkansas river. We have 8 days to have our fun and see our figure skating stuff, but I'm excited. I still have to pack! We leave on Saturday (technically Sunday, but we're staying in Newark the night before since our flight is at 4:00AM) and I've not even started the packing process. I'm such a procrastinator. It'll be okay though, I'll make it work.

Anyways, I'm out for the night. I have to go let my dog out, then head down to mom's. I have to spend the night so she can take Olivia to skating at 7 in the morning. Joy!

Should I feel bad?

My day was pretty interesting. I woke up, gave my mother the list of things we needed at the playhouse. I get a phone call from one of my kitchen kids saying that she cannot come in until 9:00 instead of 7:00. Not a big deal, I'd cover for her. Shortly after I hang up, Norman calls me. "Since you're so unhappy here, you don't have to come in this week. Your replacement is here and I think we're good." Okay, Norman. Have fun.

My mother is pissed, but said she's not going to say anything because she needs the job. He wouldn't even let me finish my rightful two-weeks. Whatever. How is he going to train the new girl? If he was smart about things, he would have had her shadow me the entire week. Yes, I'd like to see Norman suffer, but not the playhouse.

My mother went up tonight to drop off the stuff she shopped for, and to bake the cakes and such for the week. What does she see? The bar is a disaster. Instead of having the three white wines in one sink full of ice, the girl has all the sinks full of ice, and one bottle in each sink. This leaves her no dump sink for mistakes, empties or washing utensils. Her juices aren't out as well. This I could have prevented. Two new guys are scheduled for Cabaret, and had I been there I could have gone over things needed with them. Our Cabaret starts at about 10:15. Our coffee urns must be up and running by 7:00 in order to have hot, coffee colored coffee by 10:15. If not, it's ice cold and looks like weak tea. The urns were not on when my mother left at 9:30. I could have prevented that. There was no bread or cookies for the actors. I usually made the wal-mart runs for that. There was no produce. I did that as well. We have a matinee lunch for 106 tomorrow morning that I coordinate. How is someone who has never done a matinee lunch, with new kitchen kids who also have never done them, going to manage a crowd that is over our usual number of guests? How is she going to over-see the resetting of a tavern she, herself, has never set? It's not something I learned overnight, so how can he expect someone unfamiliar with the entire playhouse to grasp onto something that is complex? (I hung out for a year before working it, and even then, I shadowed Gibbs for a couple of weeks.) I chuckle at the fact that not allowing me to finish my final week was a mistake. Norman didn't think things through. He asked my mother if she could do the wal-mart and produce runs and she said "No. Jessica did that. I don't have the time." Now he's S.O.L, and running around frantically trying to put things together. I was going to put in a liquor order today, but left the number at my house, instead of in my purse like I normally have it. I had planned on heading up to my house before work to place an order, but then I got the phone call. A big F-YOU to Norman now, as he has no Pinot Grigio, two bottles of Merlot and no idea of which liquor company to call. He also doesn't know what beer we get from the beer guy, so that should be interesting.

I also know that if I do not get my full two weeks worth of salary, I am going to raise a big stink. I will take him down if he refuses. There are a number of labor law infractions I can call him out on, and will not think twice about doing so. (The fact that we do not get an actual break while working 12+ hour days is but one...)

Call me bitter, call me a bitch. I'm a person who was thoroughly disrespected, and who takes great pleasure in knowing that I did something at the playhouse.