12 in 12- October

I got my butt handed to me today in guitar hero. Apparently not playing for months hinders your ability to rock. I failed two songs back to back. On hard. For the first time ever. WTF.



A friend of mine recommended this game for the ds, and I managed to talk my mom into buying it for me. I hope it lives up to the expectations I have. He said it's a lot of fun, and since we have the same ds games, I figure our tastes are pretty similar.




I simply could not get warm today. No matter what I tried, my body still felt like a giant popcicle.




Laundry sucks to no end. It was one thing when I could do it in my own house, but now I'm forced to schlep it to moms. It's a tedious job.




I thought about raking the leaves on my yard today. Just thought about it. Didn't do it though.



My dog apparently believes he's king of the house. He also has figured out how to turn the bedroom light on to signal he has to go out. This sucks when it's at 6:00 am on your day off.



I've become completley uninspired by the written word lately. I have plenty of books to read, yet i've lost the desire to read. I'm not sure if it's because I just finished a stellar series or if I'm burnt out. I want to find my literary drive again.




I realized today that there is more snack food in the house for my dog than there is for me. That's good, since I'm trying to eat healthy, but now I know where all of my money has gone.



I really love my bedroom. It's such a relaxing and zen place. I did a good job decorating if I do say so myself. :-)



To this day, I still use my white board to stay organized. I did, however, find out that visa vis do not work well on this board. They run. No good.



This was my dinner for tonight but I wasn't hungry. Eggplant Parma and pasta. I'll take it to work with me tomorrow instead.



Anyone want a free one year old queen mattress??I got my tempurpedic which I love, and now I have nowhere to put my old mattress. It has some warehouse dust on it that I couldn't get off, but it's in great shape.

-- Jessica

Distasteful conversation.

I get to mom's tonight, and she's fuming. My grandfather had stopped in to see her, and they had a conversation that resulted in my mother yelling at her father for the first time.

It starte out by him talking about my cousin's graduation dinner at the diner down the road. None of us were invited, but that's not really the issue. Something happened and something was said at that dinner to trigger negative thoughts of me by my grandfather. He told mom that he's disgusted that I'm living off of the state. What? I wish I was! It'd be a whole lot easier to pay for things. I get no state aid, bust my ass 40 hours a week and pay for everything on my own. No welfare, no food stamps. Nothing. I pay for my own health insurance too! Apparently because I have student loans, I'm living off of the state.

He was talking to mom about when I was a baby. My father beat my mother and tried to push her out of a window. Why?he was trying to hit me. I was 18 months old. Do I support this? No. Do I still love my father? Yes. My grandfather told mom that my father must have seen something in me and we both deserved it.

My grandfather believes I am living off of my mother. Yes, I'm sharing a car with her while I save for my own. Other than that, I do not ask her for a damn thing. Has she picked up a carton of milk for me while she was out? Yep. Have I done the same for her? Yep. I, again, bust my ass and do what I need to do for myself, and when I've needed assistance, I've gone to my uncle and paid off my debt in record time. (twice ever, once for online classes that needed the money up front. )

I know that my aunt Linda was at that dinner, and I know that for whatever reason she hates me. I know that in my 9 years of working, I have busted ass and worked harder than she has in her 50-some years of life. I know that I have helped her out numerous times without thinking twice, and have always been nice to her. (well, up until she started eating my groceries. )

Fuck her. Fuck them. I don't need a family full of spite and hatred. I have the Ropke side, an I still have some left on the Poppo side. Those who feel like talking negatively about me when they don't even know me can kiss my fat ass.

Frustrations

I love and hate Facebook. I've made that clear multiple times. I've been given some information via Facebook that turns my stomach.

Rewind to my Senior year of High School. I had a friend named Jessica. We were good friends. We hung out with the same basic circle of friends, and I even dated (and had relations) with her older brother Jeff. Jessica got pregnant while she was in school. When she told her mom, her mother kicked her out of the house. Me being the great friend I am, asked my mother if she could stay with us until things got better. Jessica stayed with us for MONTHS. Nearly through her full pregnancy. Jessica had the baby, quit school and moved into her own apartment. (She did, however, get her H.S. Diploma a few months later.) Her mom welcomed her back into the family again as if nothing ever happened. I left for college. A month into being at Stetson, I found out that Jessica's child died of SIDS. It was heartbreaking, but I felt it was also somewhat of a miracle, as Jessica had no help raising her child (her mom was too busy to help, and the father wasn't around), and she didn't have the means to take care of herself, let alone a child. I figured this would allow Jessica to start over, and really be able to make something of herself.

What happens?

She gets pregnant again, with a different guy, and has her son. She does alright for herself. Struggles something awful. When I would come home to visit, I'd stop in at her apartment. (I'd always have to take anything worth while out of my car, for fear that it wouldn't be there when I returned to it.) She still wasn't in a good position to raise her son, but she did her best. She had state assistance, but also worked full time to earn the money she needed. Her dreams of school were extinguished.

I find out a couple of years ago that she is pregnant again. Still living in the same apartment. Still in the same boat. No money, no man, bad situation. She's having a girl. I think "How on Earth is she surviving? How are those kids getting along? She has no money for anything, and her family doesn't help her at all!" Seeing pictures of her son, his front teeth are black, but he looks healthy besides that. (I can't stand baby teeth that haven't fallen out being rotten with cavities. That drives me bonkers.) Her daughter looks good. Jessica seems sad, depressed and unsure of the direction her life has taken her in. She busts her ass at the same job she's had since High School (working at the local Winn Dixie) to provide, and she is still on state assistance.

Jessica and I have started talking again, and I find out that she is pregnant for a third time. This time, the kicker: She has NO home to live in. She's currently trying to figure out where she and her two children will live, and yet she's pregnant with another one.

Condoms are cheap. Birth Control is cheap if not free at Planned Parenthood. Abstinence is free.

She is now going to have three children by three different men. She has no home, no steady job (as Winn Dixie laid her off not too long ago) and no support. Her family isn't around, and neither are the father's of the babies. Now, my sister has three kids by three different men, but her situation was different. Her first child is from her Husband. They got divorced, she had her son with her boyfriend who took off. She had full benefits from her job, a steady job, a home of her own AND the support of her family. Her third child came from her current husband who also legally adopted her two other kids.

Jessica is not in a good situation, but I cannot feel sorry for her. It was her life choices that led her in this direction. It was her poor planning and careless thinking that put her in this situation. I do, however, feel endlessly sorry for her kids. Her kids, even though young, are being uprooted, and God knows when they will have a home that will be their home for years. They're going to be fed the worst possible foods because of their inexpensive cost, they are going to see their mother struggle to make ends meat and to provide, and that to me is just sad.

I mean, Jesus! That would be like me getting pregnant right now. I have a place to live, but I'm not going to say that I've never been late on my rent. I can't say that I haven't had to borrow to pay my bills before. It's not often, but once is enough in my book. Yes, I've managed to take care of a dog for nearly a year and a half yet, but I also haven't had to take him to the vet more than a check-up here and rabies shot there. Could I care for a child right now? No way! There is no doubt in my mind that my mother would do everything in her power for me and my child, but with no husband/partner and no financial stability, I could not even think of having a child. Perhaps it's the fact that I want my child to have all of the necessities, or perhaps it's because I lived in a single parent home where she struggled to pay for things. I don't want my child to ever live in a house where the electric gets turned off or where the fridge has nothing more than some milk and juice in it. I want my child to have the childhood I had and more, and I will not allow myself to bring a child into this world until I know that that will happen. (Although, seriously, how would I even get pregnant right now? There's no man, no prospect of a man, no man in my town, nothing.)

Now that my rant is over, I'm going to read something other than facebook posts for awhile.

Ugh

I'm not sure why the body behaves the way it does, but I don't like it. Why of course it's possible to breathe through an opening the size of a drinking straw, but I'm pretty sure not getting enough oxygen in my blood stream is going to create other problems.

Anyway, despite my illness, things on the home front are alright. My war against mice seems over. I caught a total of 8 mice, and I haven't caught of heard anymore since the last one. We'll see.


Tomorrow is skating lesson number two, and I'm going to go try on a pair of decent skates, since the rentals suck. I enjoy being on skates. It reminds me of all the time I used to spend on rollerblades.

I finished the 8th book in the Sookie stackhouse series by Charlaine Harris, and I plan on picking up book 9 tomorrow. Such a good series!

Off to get ready for work.

-- Jessica

12 in 12

The alarm I'm setting on my phone as a back-up for every upcoming Saturday morning. I'm thinking that the pain of waking up that early will be worth it in the long run.






I have to wear thin, nylon socks for skating. Apparently cotton socks hold moisture in and make your feet freeze. They are also too thick for a good fit in your skates.






At about 3:30 in the afternoon I began to crash. I pulled out a book and a bottle of white mango acai tea to pick my energy level up.






Mom was making turkey pot pie for dinner, but I left before it was finished baking. My poor dog had been alone for far too long.






Clean laundry from the week before still at mom's. I'm a slacker.






So beyond tired on my way home. I couldn't even pretend to be awake.






One little surprise waiting for me when I returned. Coda had chewed through my surge protector cord while it was plugged in. I have had this surge protector since freshman year of high school. I now have no way of plugging my tv, alarm clock and DVD player in at the same time. I have to use an outdoor extension cord for the time being to have a working tv in my room.






After lecturing my dog about chewing the things he shouldn't, he decided he was going to be cute.







Watching husband number 2 on a re-run of true blood. Such a good show. (and yea, Alexander skarsgard is husband number 2.)






Damn mice and their damn turds. Another little surprise waiting for me when I got home. War against mice begins tomorrow.






The laundry I didn't get to do today, but will be brought to moms to do tomorrow.






My empty September calander. Nothing exciting written, aside from true bloods finale and some birthdays.

And there is your 12 in 12.
-- Jessica

Summer's End.

My last week before going back to work began on Monday. I'm thankful that I had vacation time, but being bored out of your mind for days on end drives me nuts. I am a person who likes to stay busy. I've always been that way. Yes, I need some down time, but not weeks of it. I've spent more time wasting away my life on the computer, and it drives me nuts. Mom and I have been butting heads, but only because we're on overload. I've had to deal with her more in the past couple of weeks than I normally do. We just really need our space. I am looking forward to heading back to the center. I miss my kids and I certainly miss my daily routine!

Saturday is going to be a fun day. I'm going to the playhouse to see Hairspray and the Broadway Burlesque cabaret with my older brother and sister-in-law. I haven't seen them in a year so it should be fun. I will also get to see and say goodbye to all of my favorite people at the playhouse, since most of them are leaving next week.

Starting next month, I am going to try something new with my blog. One of my friends from the playhouse had been participating in "12 in 12": an idea created by Chad Darnell in which you use 12 pictures to tell the story of your day on the 12th day of the month. It should be interesting to see what comes out of it. :-)

I have an idea for a book, and I am actually thinking about putting the idea into motion. I just need to figure out the logistics of the book, and then we'll see how far I get.

That's about it for me. Until next time.

Colorado

Well, my trip has come to an end and here I sit at my mom's house in New York. I can honestly say that I had a great time.

Sunday:

Arrived at the Crown Plaza around 11:30. We had to wait an additional two hours for our rooms to be ready. We hung out in the lobby, as all of us were dead tired. We had to be up and on the hotel shuttle in Newark by 4:00 am to catch our flight. We get into our rooms, get unpacked and head to the pool. After swimming for awhile, we go out to eat (Outback! Yay!), head back to the room and go to bed. Not a very productive first day, but that's what happens when you're dead tired.

Monday:

Wake up, have breakfast in the hotel lounge, jump in the car with part of our group and head towards Pikes Peak. It's a beautiful day, but torrential downpours are expected in the afternoon. We get to the train station, pay for our tickets and hop on board. The Cog Railroad that takes you to the summit is fun. It's 3 hours round trip, with about 40 minutes at the top. Our guide fills us in on all sorts of facts about the area and about the peak itself. Pikes Peak is the 32nd highest fourteener (mountains over 14,000 feet) in Colorado, and yet it seems so high on the way up. The guide keeps telling us that if we begin to feel the altitude, drink water and just relax. Getting worked up about the feelings you may experience will only cause it to become worse. I am the only one in my entire group that felt completely normal while up on the summit. Everyone else said they felt drunk and on the verge of being sick. I walked around, took pictures and enjoyed every minute of the experience. Yes, we have our mountains in New York, but nothing like this. The horn sounds, so we jump back on the train to head back to the bottom. The conductor of the train sits by us on the way down (we're in the row right by his seat) and we talk most of the way down. (Cute!) As soon as we get to the station, the skies open up and we get blasted by rain and hail. We get in the car and head back to the hotel. We get back basically in time to eat some dinner, and go to bed.

Tuesday:

Wake up, have free breakfast in the hotel lounge (the hotel messed up the refrigerators in the rooms, so they treated our entire group to breakfast), then get ready to go to the Garden of the Gods. We take the drive out there, and then hike a bit through the garden. The rock formations were gorgeous. I had such a good time. I actually wandered off the paved trails a bit and took a hike up the base of one of the formations. It was a lot of fun. Afterwards, we headed to one of the local ice rinks to let the girls get in a good practice. The rink was beautiful. All of the girls skated well, and after two hours we decided to head back to the hotel. We ordered pizza in and swam until the pool closed.

Wednesday:

More skating, checking in for the State Games and an early night to bed. A pretty boring day.

Thursday:

Olivia's first two events. There were so many people there to skate. Olivia skated so well in both her Compulsory and her Footwork program, as did all of the girls that competed that day. Her footwork program ended, we got her placement and headed out to dinner. Dinner was fantastic, and it was time for us to head back to the World Arena for the Opening Ceremonies. I've never seen anything like it. Gymnasts opened the show, we had the parade of states and the athletes representing them, local bands, Idol Stars, Olympic Gold Medalists and the Olympic Flame. It was a good deal of fun. We headed back to the hotel and went to bed.

Friday:

Olivia had her Showcase and her Freestyle competitions, so we went to the rinks to watch. She again skated beautifully. We headed back to the hotel, swam, had dinner, went to bed.

Saturday:

Olivia's final event. GORGEOUS! We were so proud. We then watched a few more of our girls. Headed back to the hotel. Swam, had dinner, went to bed. Boring, I'm aware.

Sunday:

Went to see Seven Falls. It's the only waterfall in the state of Colorado that is recognized by the National Geographic. It was gorgeous. We had a great time there. We took a shuttle back to the Broadmoor Hotel, which is beautiful. Did some shopping, went back to the hotel to do some more shopping, packed, and swam. Mom and I had a few drinks and I was hit on by a Dilbert look-a-like. Went to bed.

Monday:

Up at 7. Finish packing the last of our crap. Head out to the airport. Do some shopping in the airport shops before we board the plane. We are given an AMAZING snack on the plane. (Beef Jerky, Crackers and Soft Cheese from England, twix bars, dried fruit.) We land in Houston, shop some more and wait to jump on our connecting flight. I wander down to Einstein's Bagels to get a tasty turkey (ahh college memories) and yet they don't make cold turkey sandwiches, and they're out of turkey completely. (What?!) I grab a salad and wander back. In all the places in all the world, I'm in Houston, a place I've never been before. Who do I see in the airport? My ex, the pilot. (Kris.) He's sitting in the bar that I walk by, and he gives me a nod and a wave. Okay. Weird. I walk back, get on my connecting flight, and settle in for the LONGEST plane ride in history. (Okay, maybe not, but the time change makes it feel like it was.) Turkey Croissant Dogs, Salad and Twix bars later, I'm watching the in flight movie, and my tailbone is throbbing. We land at 8:00 PM (we left Colorado Springs at 11:00 AM) and have to wait an hour for a shuttle back to the hotel we left the car at. (Joy.) We get there, drive an hour and a half from Newark to Newburg, stop to eat some real semblance of dinner, then head back to Stephanie's house so we can pick up mom's car. We grab the car and head another hour back towards mom's. Finally, we arrive. (1:00 in the morning.) I upload pictures and go to bed.

All in all, a great trip that was much needed. I enjoyed myself and would really like to explore other parts of Colorado. We'll see if this happens at some point. :-)