2010

Years ago I was convinced to have a psychic read my palms and tell me my future. My cousins Bek and Mandee as well as their mother took part in this. I don't know about them, but I'm wondering if any of it will come true. This year, I turn 25. According to this particular psychic, this is a big year for me. I went back on my trusty LiveJournal (I knew there was a reason to keep it) and found the post from my psychic reading. Here is what was said:

"-I will live a very long life...past the age of 82.
-I will not be rich in my lifetime, but I will be comfortable.
-I will have two children.
-I will be with my soulmate by the age of 25. Until then, I will be in and out of relationships.
-I've been hurt in the past, and that's why I do not trust easily.
-I'm very romantic and spontaneous.
-Someone in my family is sick, but not sick enough to be in bed all of the time.
-I will have no debt.
-I care for someone now, but he is a very stubborn man.
-I will work very hard for the things that I have, and I will appreciate it because of that."

Mom was having knee troubles and my grandfather wasn't doing well at the time, so that takes care of that particular portion.

I cared deeply about Eddie, and he was very stubborn. I still care for him, but no longer in the romantic sense. This is more along the lines of brotherly affection.

As for the "soul mate" thing...
I'm not going to say that I don't want this to be true. I feel as though I'm at a point in my life where I could be in a long and committed relationship. Am I ready to get married and have lots of sex and babies? (love actually quote...who doesn't love sex...lol) No. I do not feel as though I'm ready to become Mrs. "Insert-last-name-here" just yet. I am most definitely not ready for babies. I love children and desperately want to have kids of my own, just not yet. Whatever the case, we will see what happens by this summer. I'll hopefully be turning 25 in Florida, as it's a mere 5 days before Trista and Josh are married. Who knows what conversation I'll have with trista about my romantic future. :-p

Anyway, I figured I'd share this little blip of information to see what kind of feedback I'd receive. Until next time, happy 2010. Hopefully all that you desire in your future will come true. ;-)

-- Jessica

Slacker

I'm all too aware of the fact that I've neglected my blog. I personally see this as a good thing, as it means I've been spending my time doing other things.

Since of course we are nearing the end of the year, i've decided that this post will be a reflectiion on the resolutions I had made for 2009.

Finances:
I feel as though I've taken a step in the right direction this year. While I still am not as wealthy as I would like to be (lotto anyone?) I feel as though I have more money between pay periods and have been able to put more towards my student loans. I've also been able to afford my skating, which adds up quickly. I made wise decisions such as giving up cable tv and living by movies instead. I'm not around enough to warrant spending $70 a month to have cable.

Relationship failures, past and present:
The friendship that failed this time last year has failed for good, and I'm okay with it. His return to the playhouse this season proved that it was finished. I've lost contact with a few people from the playhouse, and I'm okay. I've realized that while some people are meant to be a part of your life, others are not. I do not feel responsible for any of these failures, and I think for that very reason, I've accomplished this resolution.

Feeling romantically alone:
I really tried not to think of romantic relationships much this year, but in the end some things have changed. Last year I had created a eharmony profile, but never checked it. I updated it once this year, and all of a sudden I'm receiving emails and IMs left and right. I never paid for a membership, but through free communication weekends and the fact that they never caught my AIM name in my profile, I began talking to a couple of people regularly. It finally was narrowed down to just one, and so far things are good. I'm not sure if there is an official label on the relationship yet, but whatever it is, I enjoy it. He's a hysterically funny guy who has good taste in movies and music. He's tall and handsome. He's sweet and I feel very comfortable around him. He appreciates the little things and makes me smile. I'm sincerely hoping that I'll continue seeing him.

Physical limitations:
Skating has been great for this one. I love being on the ice and I love what it's done for my body. My legs are toning and i've lost nearly 30 pounds. I'm down one "right fit" pant size and two normal sizes. I am glad that i've found a sport I like again. :-)

So, that's the update. I'm hoping that you all have a very Merry Christmas and may your new year bring good changes as well. :-)



-- Jessica

12 in 12- October

I got my butt handed to me today in guitar hero. Apparently not playing for months hinders your ability to rock. I failed two songs back to back. On hard. For the first time ever. WTF.



A friend of mine recommended this game for the ds, and I managed to talk my mom into buying it for me. I hope it lives up to the expectations I have. He said it's a lot of fun, and since we have the same ds games, I figure our tastes are pretty similar.




I simply could not get warm today. No matter what I tried, my body still felt like a giant popcicle.




Laundry sucks to no end. It was one thing when I could do it in my own house, but now I'm forced to schlep it to moms. It's a tedious job.




I thought about raking the leaves on my yard today. Just thought about it. Didn't do it though.



My dog apparently believes he's king of the house. He also has figured out how to turn the bedroom light on to signal he has to go out. This sucks when it's at 6:00 am on your day off.



I've become completley uninspired by the written word lately. I have plenty of books to read, yet i've lost the desire to read. I'm not sure if it's because I just finished a stellar series or if I'm burnt out. I want to find my literary drive again.




I realized today that there is more snack food in the house for my dog than there is for me. That's good, since I'm trying to eat healthy, but now I know where all of my money has gone.



I really love my bedroom. It's such a relaxing and zen place. I did a good job decorating if I do say so myself. :-)



To this day, I still use my white board to stay organized. I did, however, find out that visa vis do not work well on this board. They run. No good.



This was my dinner for tonight but I wasn't hungry. Eggplant Parma and pasta. I'll take it to work with me tomorrow instead.



Anyone want a free one year old queen mattress??I got my tempurpedic which I love, and now I have nowhere to put my old mattress. It has some warehouse dust on it that I couldn't get off, but it's in great shape.

-- Jessica

Distasteful conversation.

I get to mom's tonight, and she's fuming. My grandfather had stopped in to see her, and they had a conversation that resulted in my mother yelling at her father for the first time.

It starte out by him talking about my cousin's graduation dinner at the diner down the road. None of us were invited, but that's not really the issue. Something happened and something was said at that dinner to trigger negative thoughts of me by my grandfather. He told mom that he's disgusted that I'm living off of the state. What? I wish I was! It'd be a whole lot easier to pay for things. I get no state aid, bust my ass 40 hours a week and pay for everything on my own. No welfare, no food stamps. Nothing. I pay for my own health insurance too! Apparently because I have student loans, I'm living off of the state.

He was talking to mom about when I was a baby. My father beat my mother and tried to push her out of a window. Why?he was trying to hit me. I was 18 months old. Do I support this? No. Do I still love my father? Yes. My grandfather told mom that my father must have seen something in me and we both deserved it.

My grandfather believes I am living off of my mother. Yes, I'm sharing a car with her while I save for my own. Other than that, I do not ask her for a damn thing. Has she picked up a carton of milk for me while she was out? Yep. Have I done the same for her? Yep. I, again, bust my ass and do what I need to do for myself, and when I've needed assistance, I've gone to my uncle and paid off my debt in record time. (twice ever, once for online classes that needed the money up front. )

I know that my aunt Linda was at that dinner, and I know that for whatever reason she hates me. I know that in my 9 years of working, I have busted ass and worked harder than she has in her 50-some years of life. I know that I have helped her out numerous times without thinking twice, and have always been nice to her. (well, up until she started eating my groceries. )

Fuck her. Fuck them. I don't need a family full of spite and hatred. I have the Ropke side, an I still have some left on the Poppo side. Those who feel like talking negatively about me when they don't even know me can kiss my fat ass.

Frustrations

I love and hate Facebook. I've made that clear multiple times. I've been given some information via Facebook that turns my stomach.

Rewind to my Senior year of High School. I had a friend named Jessica. We were good friends. We hung out with the same basic circle of friends, and I even dated (and had relations) with her older brother Jeff. Jessica got pregnant while she was in school. When she told her mom, her mother kicked her out of the house. Me being the great friend I am, asked my mother if she could stay with us until things got better. Jessica stayed with us for MONTHS. Nearly through her full pregnancy. Jessica had the baby, quit school and moved into her own apartment. (She did, however, get her H.S. Diploma a few months later.) Her mom welcomed her back into the family again as if nothing ever happened. I left for college. A month into being at Stetson, I found out that Jessica's child died of SIDS. It was heartbreaking, but I felt it was also somewhat of a miracle, as Jessica had no help raising her child (her mom was too busy to help, and the father wasn't around), and she didn't have the means to take care of herself, let alone a child. I figured this would allow Jessica to start over, and really be able to make something of herself.

What happens?

She gets pregnant again, with a different guy, and has her son. She does alright for herself. Struggles something awful. When I would come home to visit, I'd stop in at her apartment. (I'd always have to take anything worth while out of my car, for fear that it wouldn't be there when I returned to it.) She still wasn't in a good position to raise her son, but she did her best. She had state assistance, but also worked full time to earn the money she needed. Her dreams of school were extinguished.

I find out a couple of years ago that she is pregnant again. Still living in the same apartment. Still in the same boat. No money, no man, bad situation. She's having a girl. I think "How on Earth is she surviving? How are those kids getting along? She has no money for anything, and her family doesn't help her at all!" Seeing pictures of her son, his front teeth are black, but he looks healthy besides that. (I can't stand baby teeth that haven't fallen out being rotten with cavities. That drives me bonkers.) Her daughter looks good. Jessica seems sad, depressed and unsure of the direction her life has taken her in. She busts her ass at the same job she's had since High School (working at the local Winn Dixie) to provide, and she is still on state assistance.

Jessica and I have started talking again, and I find out that she is pregnant for a third time. This time, the kicker: She has NO home to live in. She's currently trying to figure out where she and her two children will live, and yet she's pregnant with another one.

Condoms are cheap. Birth Control is cheap if not free at Planned Parenthood. Abstinence is free.

She is now going to have three children by three different men. She has no home, no steady job (as Winn Dixie laid her off not too long ago) and no support. Her family isn't around, and neither are the father's of the babies. Now, my sister has three kids by three different men, but her situation was different. Her first child is from her Husband. They got divorced, she had her son with her boyfriend who took off. She had full benefits from her job, a steady job, a home of her own AND the support of her family. Her third child came from her current husband who also legally adopted her two other kids.

Jessica is not in a good situation, but I cannot feel sorry for her. It was her life choices that led her in this direction. It was her poor planning and careless thinking that put her in this situation. I do, however, feel endlessly sorry for her kids. Her kids, even though young, are being uprooted, and God knows when they will have a home that will be their home for years. They're going to be fed the worst possible foods because of their inexpensive cost, they are going to see their mother struggle to make ends meat and to provide, and that to me is just sad.

I mean, Jesus! That would be like me getting pregnant right now. I have a place to live, but I'm not going to say that I've never been late on my rent. I can't say that I haven't had to borrow to pay my bills before. It's not often, but once is enough in my book. Yes, I've managed to take care of a dog for nearly a year and a half yet, but I also haven't had to take him to the vet more than a check-up here and rabies shot there. Could I care for a child right now? No way! There is no doubt in my mind that my mother would do everything in her power for me and my child, but with no husband/partner and no financial stability, I could not even think of having a child. Perhaps it's the fact that I want my child to have all of the necessities, or perhaps it's because I lived in a single parent home where she struggled to pay for things. I don't want my child to ever live in a house where the electric gets turned off or where the fridge has nothing more than some milk and juice in it. I want my child to have the childhood I had and more, and I will not allow myself to bring a child into this world until I know that that will happen. (Although, seriously, how would I even get pregnant right now? There's no man, no prospect of a man, no man in my town, nothing.)

Now that my rant is over, I'm going to read something other than facebook posts for awhile.

Ugh

I'm not sure why the body behaves the way it does, but I don't like it. Why of course it's possible to breathe through an opening the size of a drinking straw, but I'm pretty sure not getting enough oxygen in my blood stream is going to create other problems.

Anyway, despite my illness, things on the home front are alright. My war against mice seems over. I caught a total of 8 mice, and I haven't caught of heard anymore since the last one. We'll see.


Tomorrow is skating lesson number two, and I'm going to go try on a pair of decent skates, since the rentals suck. I enjoy being on skates. It reminds me of all the time I used to spend on rollerblades.

I finished the 8th book in the Sookie stackhouse series by Charlaine Harris, and I plan on picking up book 9 tomorrow. Such a good series!

Off to get ready for work.

-- Jessica

12 in 12

The alarm I'm setting on my phone as a back-up for every upcoming Saturday morning. I'm thinking that the pain of waking up that early will be worth it in the long run.






I have to wear thin, nylon socks for skating. Apparently cotton socks hold moisture in and make your feet freeze. They are also too thick for a good fit in your skates.






At about 3:30 in the afternoon I began to crash. I pulled out a book and a bottle of white mango acai tea to pick my energy level up.






Mom was making turkey pot pie for dinner, but I left before it was finished baking. My poor dog had been alone for far too long.






Clean laundry from the week before still at mom's. I'm a slacker.






So beyond tired on my way home. I couldn't even pretend to be awake.






One little surprise waiting for me when I returned. Coda had chewed through my surge protector cord while it was plugged in. I have had this surge protector since freshman year of high school. I now have no way of plugging my tv, alarm clock and DVD player in at the same time. I have to use an outdoor extension cord for the time being to have a working tv in my room.






After lecturing my dog about chewing the things he shouldn't, he decided he was going to be cute.







Watching husband number 2 on a re-run of true blood. Such a good show. (and yea, Alexander skarsgard is husband number 2.)






Damn mice and their damn turds. Another little surprise waiting for me when I got home. War against mice begins tomorrow.






The laundry I didn't get to do today, but will be brought to moms to do tomorrow.






My empty September calander. Nothing exciting written, aside from true bloods finale and some birthdays.

And there is your 12 in 12.
-- Jessica