Change is certainly needed.

So much has happened since the wedding. After fighting a stomach virus (and losing two days of work), I fell into some financial hard times and as of Saturday had to postpone my skating adventures. I'm completely heartbroken as skating was not only physical exercise, but also a much needed mental outlet. It always allowed me to clear my mind and let go of excess stress. Now it just seems as if that stress is already starting to pile up on me.

I've been in the process of trying to find a new job. The reality is that I get paid $9.50 an hour. That's $9.50 an hour to toilet, teach and be a physical and emotional outlet for my students. That's $9.50 to be a human punching bag more often than not. That's $9.50 to put myself in physical danger every day. It's simply not worth it. Do I love the kids? Of course I do. I think thats partly why my job is so stressful. I go above and beyond my job description because I want my students to have an exceptional quality of life. Every little problem that arises follows me home. Any medical problems haunt me through dinner. Could I have fixed it? Could I have helped them? Could I have avoided being given a black eye? I always put myself completely into my work. This ends up being a positive work trait as well as a negative one. I just need something that will allow me to live beyond my paychecks. I want to save money but can't. I want to come home and not feel defeated. After insurance and taxes, my $512 take-home just isn't enough to live off of for two weeks. I need more.

Things with Jordan have been good. He really has been helpful through this period of frustration.

Another source of frustration is a current fight I'm in with my mother. I am right in the situation and yet she will not listen to reason.

I know that in the end, this too shall pass. I'd just really like a little glimmer of hope to shine on me simply so I don't feel as though I'm struggling for nothing.