It has been quite awhile

Wow, it has been months since I've blogged. Looking back over the bullets from the new year, I've realized that already much had happened. I don't have the time or effort to get into it all in detail, so I will write about a few things so as to purge my mind of them for now. Hopefully you'll be able to tolerate it...haha

The beginning of February was marked by the loss of my cousin Sonny. He died of a freak cardiac episode which took everyone by surprise. My cousin had battled drug addiction (pot mostly) for a period of his life but had turned around and rid himself of it. He had a baby boy, 6 months old. It happened so suddenly that I was swept away in sadness. My cousin, one of the few who were a part of my life in Florida, one who I loved and enjoyed the company of was gone. I still remember him moving into the "treehouse" my uncle had built in the back yard. I remember the Rastafarian paint job he had given the interior. I remember his love for Bob Marley and Sublime. Normally in the wake of death, I am the rock of the family. I don't show my emotions in public and mourn on my own at home. This was impossible for me to do. I broke down and every time his name was mentioned or I saw a picture of him, I'd cry. Even now, writing this, my eyes are full of tears. I have many photos of him, but a framed picture of him with his son Sebastian rests on my bookcase so I am reminded of him each time I walk by. Sonny may not have been perfect, but he had the heart and spirit of an angel. He'd do anything in the world for his family, appreciated the little things and was proud of all accomplishments. I miss him, and always will. Now, my attention turns to my Uncle Richard, as the loss of his only son and eldest child has taken a toll on him. He wasn't in good health to begin with but has become worse. I pray every day that he will make it through this.

The firefighter and I are no longer together and it breaks my heart. Since Luke, I hadn't felt this close to anyone, and sadly it just fell apart. We are talking, "friendly" if you will, but I've finally admitted to myself that I miss him. I miss his son, who turns 3 today, just as much.

Despite the negative tone of this post, my life is at a point where I am content. My job is going well, I now work an hour and a half each day in daycare, which is fantastic. Who doesn't like playing with babies 7-18 mos. old at the end of the day? It also is $1.50 more an hour. All day long. It's been nice.

I don't know if being with the babies, my age or the fact that nearly every female friend I have is having babies, but my body is screaming at me to reproduce. For the first time in my life my PCOS has been under control and my cycles are regular. Eventually I'll catch up. Lol

The family is still the same. I have relationships with some, others have separated themselves from me. I just keep doing what I always do, showing respect and consideration, and eventually things will work out.

I am going to 5 concerts this summer and I cannot wait. It's about time I have fun. I've also purchased a hiking book for the area and intend on exploring new spots this year. Maybe even join a hiking club. I hear they do singles hikes. Perhaps there is hope for me yet.




-Jess