I think I've lost my mind. We all have things in life we hate doing. For me that list would include hand-washing dishes, driving in traffic with people who obviously should have been denied a license and running. Dishes and stupid drivers really can't be avoided but running can be. Why then, I ask, am I pushing myself to run? The answer is simple: If I hate something so much why not push through it? I've always been one to give myself goals, push myself further and work harder than I should. I decided to revisit the couch to 5k program I had started ions ago (and gave up on during day 2) and gave myself the goal of "completing a 5k before my birthday". I've been working hard and my stamina has greatly improved. I still do not enjoy the act of running, but I hate it a little less each day.
Okay, so giving myself more than a half a year was pretty wise of me. It gives me plenty of time to get into the right running shape and do my best, right? Why in the hell am I now considering registering for a 5k at the end of this month (Oct 30th)? I'm clinically insane. That the only reason. So, I've amped up my running and have given myself until the deadline (Oct 23rd) to decide if it's going to happen or not. I'm aware I can walk part of it, but if I'm going to do it I want to do it well.
Life outside of the running challenge has been good. I'm 33lbs down since April, which also puts me at 3 pounds until my lightest post-puberty weight. It's nice to be five sizes down since my final year at Stetson, and it's even nicer to see that some of the things I have in my new size are a little loose in areas as well. I could be on my way to my smallest size ever. It's nice to see my hard work paying off.
I don't remember the numbers that I had assigned the guys I had been talking to from the dating site, but the firefighter with the two-year-old son is the winner. We have been spending a good deal of time together, our friendship grows a little each day and I'm completely in love with his son. We will see how things develop. I know I'm interested to see how things happen.
Babies! Holy cow they are everywhere. Co-workers and old friends seem to be popping them out at record speed. I can't say that I'm turned off by the thought of kids, as I want to be a mother in my lifetime. I can't say that the thought of having babies hasn't crossed my mind because it certainly has. My body is screaming at me to have one while my brain is saying "man and money. Two important parts of baby making!" My doctor actually told me I should start having kids as my body is ready and doing all the things it needs to in order to have children. I'd like to have kids before I'm 30, but other things need to happen before then. Maybe it's because I've been spending time with the firefighter's son, which has been INCREDIBLE, but the "have a baby" feeling has been strong.
That's an update in a nutshell. Until next time.
-Jess
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Strength and weaknesses
I'm home from the hospital. I called my mother today to inform her that I'd be coming down for dinner. It certainly had been awhile since the last time I saw her. I hang up the phone and get ready to leave. I send a text and all of a sudden she is calling me again.
My grandfather had been in an accident. He's 85 years old and still rides a motor-scooter (similar to a vespa) for enjoyment. Apparently he was on his scooter and wasn't in great shape. He had a broken leg but was stable. They were going to transfer him from Kingston to albany. Okay. Family was already on the way to Albany so mom and I decided we'd wait to go until we found out more.
Each phone call after that moment brought more news. Different news. Worse news. He wasn't airlifted to Albany because he had gone into cardiac arrest. He needed blood transfusions because he was bleeding out. He was on a ventilator and was resuscitated several times. Mom and I drove to Kingston to be with him. By the time we arrived they had already stabilized him enough to drive him to Albany. Upon arriving to Albany Hospital, he was being given CPR again. 20 minutes later, my grandfather was gone.
I sat in the waiting room of the Kingston Hospital offering my mother tissues and making the calls. The doctor who treated him have me his home number in case I had any questions. I didn't cry, didn't stumble. I just did. I cruised through the rest of the night on autopilot. I had my grandfather's personal items in a bag in my purse. I was carrying his teeth and it didn't seem to phase me.
When I left mom's I called Trista to vent a bit and let her know what was going on. I started to tear but hadn't really cried. Now that I'm alone, not so much the case.
My grandfather, while not the best man I've known, was so strong. He was strong-willed, strong-minded and had a strong spirit. He died riding his scooter despite all of the warnings of danger. He died doing something he enjoyed.
Last week, a friend of the family and a former co-worker of mine passed away. She finally lost her battle with cancer. She was, even on the days that were tough, the most positive human being I have ever crossed paths with. She was always optimistic. Always had something good to discuss. All of that strength couldn't manifest itself in the strength needed to beat the cancer.
I'm a strong woman. Strong enough to carry my family through trials such as this. I'm strong enough to work with disabled kids and find joy in the tough days. I'm strong enough to workout and kick my body into shape 4-5 times a week without even thinking twice. If I'm so strong, why can't I be strong enough for myself? Why do I feel so weak right now? Why can I not allow myself to break down and express my heartache to my best friend or even my own mother? Why do I wait until I am alone to allow this moment of weakness?
I'm rambling. It's time to sleep.
http://www.recordonline.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20110820/NEWS0301/308209989/-1/NEWS03 My Grandfather's obituary.
-Jess
My grandfather had been in an accident. He's 85 years old and still rides a motor-scooter (similar to a vespa) for enjoyment. Apparently he was on his scooter and wasn't in great shape. He had a broken leg but was stable. They were going to transfer him from Kingston to albany. Okay. Family was already on the way to Albany so mom and I decided we'd wait to go until we found out more.
Each phone call after that moment brought more news. Different news. Worse news. He wasn't airlifted to Albany because he had gone into cardiac arrest. He needed blood transfusions because he was bleeding out. He was on a ventilator and was resuscitated several times. Mom and I drove to Kingston to be with him. By the time we arrived they had already stabilized him enough to drive him to Albany. Upon arriving to Albany Hospital, he was being given CPR again. 20 minutes later, my grandfather was gone.
I sat in the waiting room of the Kingston Hospital offering my mother tissues and making the calls. The doctor who treated him have me his home number in case I had any questions. I didn't cry, didn't stumble. I just did. I cruised through the rest of the night on autopilot. I had my grandfather's personal items in a bag in my purse. I was carrying his teeth and it didn't seem to phase me.
When I left mom's I called Trista to vent a bit and let her know what was going on. I started to tear but hadn't really cried. Now that I'm alone, not so much the case.
My grandfather, while not the best man I've known, was so strong. He was strong-willed, strong-minded and had a strong spirit. He died riding his scooter despite all of the warnings of danger. He died doing something he enjoyed.
Last week, a friend of the family and a former co-worker of mine passed away. She finally lost her battle with cancer. She was, even on the days that were tough, the most positive human being I have ever crossed paths with. She was always optimistic. Always had something good to discuss. All of that strength couldn't manifest itself in the strength needed to beat the cancer.
I'm a strong woman. Strong enough to carry my family through trials such as this. I'm strong enough to work with disabled kids and find joy in the tough days. I'm strong enough to workout and kick my body into shape 4-5 times a week without even thinking twice. If I'm so strong, why can't I be strong enough for myself? Why do I feel so weak right now? Why can I not allow myself to break down and express my heartache to my best friend or even my own mother? Why do I wait until I am alone to allow this moment of weakness?
I'm rambling. It's time to sleep.
http://www.recordonline.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20110820/NEWS0301/308209989/-1/NEWS03 My Grandfather's obituary.
-Jess
Monday, August 8, 2011
Online dating...again...
I'm telling you, it's tough out there. You pluck, shave, do your makeup just right, buy incredible shoes that make your legs look sexy and yet things still might not work out.
Guy #8 and I are still talking. Yes. Talking. Not meeting. Not seeing each other yet. To me, it's frustrating. We obviously have chemistry. He initiates all of the phone calls and half of the texts. We still have a lot to talk about and plenty in common. Why are we not dating, as the normal progression of male-female relationships would have happen? He says his job has him swamped. Now, I've known from day one that his job keeps him quite busy, however I'm from the school of thought that if you're into a girl, you find time for her. While I like (strike that, REALLY like) guy #8, I'm not getting my hopes up. If it happens, it happens. If not, there has to be someone else, right?
In the meantime, I'm still receiving messages. Let me highlight some of them for you.
Guy #9: (directly copied) i was just perhaps wondering if maybe ur georgus self would be still looking for mr.perfect??its not often a beautiful women of ur natural passion crosses paths with an average guy like me..but maybe that could all change if i may have 5 minutes of ur precious time to show u that ever guy isnt a jerk,but wants to get to know a georgus women as urself for who she really is.thanku&i hope i hear from ur beautiful self soon :)... (Guy #9 was good looking, incredible body, and also a fresh-faced 20 year old.) I replied with a simple "thanks but I'm looking for someone more my age" and thought I was done. Nope, this young tadpole replies with another novel that basically said he understands but is sad that I won't give him a chance. Sorry, kiddo.
Guy #10: OMG UR SO SEXY OMG. This is all you write? No thanks.
Guy #11:You're beautiful. I would love to get to know you. I work in the city for the FD. (Guy # 11 and I are still talking and planning a date soon.)
Guy #12: I am just move here from overseas. You pretty. Make good wife. Please reply me so I know you like be wife. I work for international relations company and teach English. Reply beautiful wife.
Okay, seriously guy #12? How many women do you think are desperate enough to accept an online proposal from someone claiming to teach a language he can barely communicate in? "Oh my, this man wants to marry me! This is my lucky day! We will have nothing in common and will have a difficult time understanding one another but this may be my only shot at finding a husband!" Wow, just typing that made me gag a little bit.
Guy #13: Want to chat? (Replied with "sure" as he's cute and local. Correspondence is slowly [read, painfully] coming along.)
Guy #14: I want to tie you up and whip you. (I want to suggest help...delete!)
Guy #15: I live close, but am looking for someone to be my girlfriend and my personal nurse. See, I have diabetes and am looking for someone to take care of me. My disease makes it hard to work. (Thanks but no thanks.)
Ah, there you have a few of my latest online dating encounters. There was an episode of Sex and the City which outlined the fact that most men are freaks. I can do nothing more than think they've all joined plenty of fish and have stumbled across my profile. Like I said, maybe things will work out with number 8, maybe they won't. Perhaps number 11 will work out. Perhaps I'll have to wait for a new set of outlandish messages before I find one semi-sane individual worthy of my time. Either way, at least it's been pretty entertaining.
-Jess
Guy #8 and I are still talking. Yes. Talking. Not meeting. Not seeing each other yet. To me, it's frustrating. We obviously have chemistry. He initiates all of the phone calls and half of the texts. We still have a lot to talk about and plenty in common. Why are we not dating, as the normal progression of male-female relationships would have happen? He says his job has him swamped. Now, I've known from day one that his job keeps him quite busy, however I'm from the school of thought that if you're into a girl, you find time for her. While I like (strike that, REALLY like) guy #8, I'm not getting my hopes up. If it happens, it happens. If not, there has to be someone else, right?
In the meantime, I'm still receiving messages. Let me highlight some of them for you.
Guy #9: (directly copied) i was just perhaps wondering if maybe ur georgus self would be still looking for mr.perfect??its not often a beautiful women of ur natural passion crosses paths with an average guy like me..but maybe that could all change if i may have 5 minutes of ur precious time to show u that ever guy isnt a jerk,but wants to get to know a georgus women as urself for who she really is.thanku&i hope i hear from ur beautiful self soon :)... (Guy #9 was good looking, incredible body, and also a fresh-faced 20 year old.) I replied with a simple "thanks but I'm looking for someone more my age" and thought I was done. Nope, this young tadpole replies with another novel that basically said he understands but is sad that I won't give him a chance. Sorry, kiddo.
Guy #10: OMG UR SO SEXY OMG. This is all you write? No thanks.
Guy #11:You're beautiful. I would love to get to know you. I work in the city for the FD. (Guy # 11 and I are still talking and planning a date soon.)
Guy #12: I am just move here from overseas. You pretty. Make good wife. Please reply me so I know you like be wife. I work for international relations company and teach English. Reply beautiful wife.
Okay, seriously guy #12? How many women do you think are desperate enough to accept an online proposal from someone claiming to teach a language he can barely communicate in? "Oh my, this man wants to marry me! This is my lucky day! We will have nothing in common and will have a difficult time understanding one another but this may be my only shot at finding a husband!" Wow, just typing that made me gag a little bit.
Guy #13: Want to chat? (Replied with "sure" as he's cute and local. Correspondence is slowly [read, painfully] coming along.)
Guy #14: I want to tie you up and whip you. (I want to suggest help...delete!)
Guy #15: I live close, but am looking for someone to be my girlfriend and my personal nurse. See, I have diabetes and am looking for someone to take care of me. My disease makes it hard to work. (Thanks but no thanks.)
Ah, there you have a few of my latest online dating encounters. There was an episode of Sex and the City which outlined the fact that most men are freaks. I can do nothing more than think they've all joined plenty of fish and have stumbled across my profile. Like I said, maybe things will work out with number 8, maybe they won't. Perhaps number 11 will work out. Perhaps I'll have to wait for a new set of outlandish messages before I find one semi-sane individual worthy of my time. Either way, at least it's been pretty entertaining.
-Jess
Friday, July 1, 2011
The truth about online dating.
Those who know me have heard stories about where I live. A tiny town in farm country, NY, which is comprised primarily of cows and conservative farmers. Not exactly the best place to find a significant other, I've turned to online dating. (People at work simply are NOT an option.)
I had turned to online dating at first because of my Aunt's persistence. I met a few guys and ended up with Jordan. After that ended, I decided to give it another go.
I updated my profile, added some new, post-zumba photos and let time do the rest. This time around I received MANY messages. This is where things get interesting.
Guy #1: "I have four cats and love them more than my family. I live alone but not really alone because my cats keep me company when I'm home!"
Guy #2: "Yo shawty, whaz hott?"
Guy #3: "I'm big into Marshall arts. My sister just had a doughter. Do any of your sisters have doughters?"
Guy #4: "I'm a manager of a rental car chain. I am close to my family and adore my baby nephew. Let's do dinner and a movie on Friday!" *calls when I'm 1/2 way there, excuse given, don't hear from him again.*
Guy #5: "I'd love to get to know you. How was your weekend?" *reply sent, haven't heard back in a month.*
Guy #6: "All I want is sex. If you're down for that hit me up. You're good looking, I'm good looking and we can just Fu*k all the time."
Guy #7: "Yeah, I participated in the Highland games this year. I loved it and hope to participate again. If you give me your number I'll give you a call sometime." *number given, no call received.*
Guy #8: "I love family. I'm at a point in my life where I want to settle down. Do you want kids? Our birthdays are two days apart? You're beautiful and I can't stop thinking about you."
Guy #8 and I are still talking, still hitting it off and hopefully things will progress nicely. We talk every day and sometimes I'll get a text from him while he's at work, just saying hi and seeing how my day is. He's kind and considerate and we have a good deal in common.
As for #s 1-7...
Weirdos. I know I'm picky, but if you continually misspell words like DAUGHTER then we simply will not work. Also, while the idea of a booty call is great, I'm looking for more.
I also did not list the men who were over the age of 50 who have messaged me. It's just ridiculous.
Online dating has allowed me to meet new people, a couple of which I have remained friends with. I'm just hoping I'll have more luck this go-round and not end up in another dead-end relationship with someone who is afraid of what's to come.
Wish me luck!
-Jess
I had turned to online dating at first because of my Aunt's persistence. I met a few guys and ended up with Jordan. After that ended, I decided to give it another go.
I updated my profile, added some new, post-zumba photos and let time do the rest. This time around I received MANY messages. This is where things get interesting.
Guy #1: "I have four cats and love them more than my family. I live alone but not really alone because my cats keep me company when I'm home!"
Guy #2: "Yo shawty, whaz hott?"
Guy #3: "I'm big into Marshall arts. My sister just had a doughter. Do any of your sisters have doughters?"
Guy #4: "I'm a manager of a rental car chain. I am close to my family and adore my baby nephew. Let's do dinner and a movie on Friday!" *calls when I'm 1/2 way there, excuse given, don't hear from him again.*
Guy #5: "I'd love to get to know you. How was your weekend?" *reply sent, haven't heard back in a month.*
Guy #6: "All I want is sex. If you're down for that hit me up. You're good looking, I'm good looking and we can just Fu*k all the time."
Guy #7: "Yeah, I participated in the Highland games this year. I loved it and hope to participate again. If you give me your number I'll give you a call sometime." *number given, no call received.*
Guy #8: "I love family. I'm at a point in my life where I want to settle down. Do you want kids? Our birthdays are two days apart? You're beautiful and I can't stop thinking about you."
Guy #8 and I are still talking, still hitting it off and hopefully things will progress nicely. We talk every day and sometimes I'll get a text from him while he's at work, just saying hi and seeing how my day is. He's kind and considerate and we have a good deal in common.
As for #s 1-7...
Weirdos. I know I'm picky, but if you continually misspell words like DAUGHTER then we simply will not work. Also, while the idea of a booty call is great, I'm looking for more.
I also did not list the men who were over the age of 50 who have messaged me. It's just ridiculous.
Online dating has allowed me to meet new people, a couple of which I have remained friends with. I'm just hoping I'll have more luck this go-round and not end up in another dead-end relationship with someone who is afraid of what's to come.
Wish me luck!
-Jess
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Rock Star!
Yea, you read the title correctly. I am a rock star. Let me tell you why:
I have managed to lose 18 pounds and am down to my high school pants size. It's refreshing to put on the pair of capris I have and actually feel comfortable in them. I've been stuck at the 18 pound mark, but I'm hoping time will help shed some more.
For the most part I've been attending three Zumba classes a week and hitting the employee gym twice a week. It's definitely helped maintain my energy level and has helped to solidify a budding friendship between myself and my supervisor. She has been attending the Zumba classes with me and I have talked her into coming to the gym with me as well. I'm glad we have become such good friends. I'm actually going to prom (the one we hold for out graduating students) with her, so that should be a good time.
Work has been pretty wonderful. Changes are underway and they are all thanks in part to an anonymous letter that was submitted by yours truly. Raises are in the works and lots of opportunities to further our career are going to be offered. I'm also 20% vested in my company's retirement plan as of this year, which was nice to see.
Family relations are at an all-time-high. I've spent quite a bit of time with the Ropke side of the family lately and I love every minute. I look forward to seeing them and hate leaving!
Romantically things have been interesting. I was hit on by a co-worker but he is not really compatible with me so I had to turn him down. I was flattered, however. Jamie (my supervisor) has her eye out for a man for me. Let's see what it brings.
Anyway, quick update on life is complete. Until next time. :-)
-Jess
I have managed to lose 18 pounds and am down to my high school pants size. It's refreshing to put on the pair of capris I have and actually feel comfortable in them. I've been stuck at the 18 pound mark, but I'm hoping time will help shed some more.
For the most part I've been attending three Zumba classes a week and hitting the employee gym twice a week. It's definitely helped maintain my energy level and has helped to solidify a budding friendship between myself and my supervisor. She has been attending the Zumba classes with me and I have talked her into coming to the gym with me as well. I'm glad we have become such good friends. I'm actually going to prom (the one we hold for out graduating students) with her, so that should be a good time.
Work has been pretty wonderful. Changes are underway and they are all thanks in part to an anonymous letter that was submitted by yours truly. Raises are in the works and lots of opportunities to further our career are going to be offered. I'm also 20% vested in my company's retirement plan as of this year, which was nice to see.
Family relations are at an all-time-high. I've spent quite a bit of time with the Ropke side of the family lately and I love every minute. I look forward to seeing them and hate leaving!
Romantically things have been interesting. I was hit on by a co-worker but he is not really compatible with me so I had to turn him down. I was flattered, however. Jamie (my supervisor) has her eye out for a man for me. Let's see what it brings.
Anyway, quick update on life is complete. Until next time. :-)
-Jess
Friday, April 1, 2011
Family
Tomorrow is my baby niece Cara's christening. I'm very excited that I'm able to go, as it's affording me opportunities to meet and reconnect with family. I have never met Cara or her older brother Connor (2) and I'm excited to get to know them. I've seen pictures and videos of them both and am convinced that they are equally as cool as my older niece and nephews.
I will get to see my sister and brothers (and wonderful in-laws of various sexes) for the first time in months, and that is always a plus for me. I've been very fortunate in my relationships with my siblings. Although they are all (with the exception of my adopted sister Joanne) half-blood relation, we get along really well and genuinely care about one another. I love being in the company of such diverse and incredible people, and I'm glad to be part of their family.
I will also be seeing Joanne for the first time in two decades tomorrow. I'm not sure if she remembers me or even cares to, but I'm interested in getting to know yet another (albeit distant) sibling. I'll let you know how this goes.
While talking to my sister Heather, she mentioned that my brother Josh will be coming home (from TX) the week before Easter. The last time I saw him was 2003 for my grandfather's funeral, as we managed to miss one another by an hour the last time he visited. I'm hoping I get to visit with him a bit, but my plans with Trista come first as they have been set for months and I'm not one to change things around.
I'm very excited about tomorrow and am hoping to share lots of stories with you. :-)
-Jess
I will get to see my sister and brothers (and wonderful in-laws of various sexes) for the first time in months, and that is always a plus for me. I've been very fortunate in my relationships with my siblings. Although they are all (with the exception of my adopted sister Joanne) half-blood relation, we get along really well and genuinely care about one another. I love being in the company of such diverse and incredible people, and I'm glad to be part of their family.
I will also be seeing Joanne for the first time in two decades tomorrow. I'm not sure if she remembers me or even cares to, but I'm interested in getting to know yet another (albeit distant) sibling. I'll let you know how this goes.
While talking to my sister Heather, she mentioned that my brother Josh will be coming home (from TX) the week before Easter. The last time I saw him was 2003 for my grandfather's funeral, as we managed to miss one another by an hour the last time he visited. I'm hoping I get to visit with him a bit, but my plans with Trista come first as they have been set for months and I'm not one to change things around.
I'm very excited about tomorrow and am hoping to share lots of stories with you. :-)
-Jess
Saturday, March 12, 2011
Just for fun
What I find endlessly attractive in a man:
All of Gerard Butler...lol
Eric Bana is nice to look at too.
Yep, him too.
Man-thighs are great. (I need to marry a Scottish man!)
Man-hands. Yum!
A nice, full, well maintained beard.
It's the little things, no?
-Jess
All of Gerard Butler...lol
Eric Bana is nice to look at too.
Yep, him too.
Man-thighs are great. (I need to marry a Scottish man!)
Man-hands. Yum!
A nice, full, well maintained beard.
It's the little things, no?
-Jess
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