You've got to ice it.

Trainers have it right. You put ice on an injury to help it heal. It helps take the pressure off. The swelling reduces. Funny how the same can be true about skating and dealing with life.

I've found my skating sessions to be theraputic. While sitting on the bench, I think through all of the things that are bothering me. With each lace I pull tighter, I release one of those thoughts. With each stroke across the ice, I think about the positive things in my life. With each successful move I make, I cheer for myself and feel as though this is what I need to be doing. I can walk into the lobby with the weight of the world on my shoulders, and as soon as my session is over I'm smiling and ready for the next phase of my day. I always want more time. My three hours of skating a week never seems like enough.

I loved weightlifting when I was in High School. I loved it so much that it became a secondary option had I not been accepted by Stetson. I was scouted by an Olympic trainer and was asked to train with him. I still, however, never felt as at peace with that sport as I do with figure skating. It's strange.

This past weekend was my first competition. I was in two events, and placed first in both. I was proud of myself. All of that practice and effort paid off. I received complements by many. I left wanting more. More skating. More testing. More competing. It's addicting.

The skating also brought a slight change in my relationship with the man. (Boy seems wrong to say. Boyfriend...manfriend...I donno.) He came to be supportive of me, and in turn had to meet my mom, sister and entire extended skating family. He did well and was a real trooper. Even though he was shy, everyone really liked him. We girls always try to convince ourselves that the opinions of of family only count a little, but truthfully it matters more than that. I was able to breathe a sigh of relief when mom called me and said she approved. It made it that much easier to like him. Not only did he put himself in that awkward social situation for me, but he spoiled me rotten on Valentine's Day. I've never been so happy and surprised by a guy I've dated like that before. I can't help but like him and the time we spend together. :-)

See? Ice it and it all gets better. I think I'm going to continue this thought for awhile. Perhaps more good luck will come my way.

-- Jessica

Finding comfort.

When things are new, we often jump into a guarded and cautious method of being. We don't want to put ourselves out there and find that this new thing, be it job, relationship or even a new hobby, was a waste of time, effort and emotion. It's our natural safeguard. I have stepped out of that safety bubble, and so far things are looking good.

I'm dating. It's strange to say/think/type those words. It's been a pretty long time since I've been in this situation and I'm nervous. I'm not "I can't eat in front of him" nervous. He actually makes me feel very comfortable around him. I'm more of the "I really hope I don't do something to mess this up and send him running" nervous. I like him. I admit that to myself, and that's the most nerve wracking part of this whole thing. It's still new, and yet I'm allowing myself to say "I'm in it" and open myself up to a possibility of the good and the bad. I have a feeling that there is going to be a whole lot more good than bad though. He was really understanding when I ran out of propane this weekend and had no hot water, heat or formal cooking surface. I managed to make dinner and breakfast (and finish the blondies that had started baking) in the microwave, but he did what he could to make me feel better about the situation at hand. He's a good guy, that's for sure.


-- Jessica

12 in 12

It's been awhile, but the concept is back.





The horse pills I get to take for 5 days. At least while fighting the infection I'll be anthrax free.








It certainly felt colder than this at 7:45. I'd say it felt more like 7 degrees.








This is a pretty decent song. It's in rotation in the mornings when I need something to pump me up for work.








I had to park in the back lot today, so I decided to snap a shot of the back side of campus.








After dropping a student off at a music therapy class, I decided to snap a shot of the center of campus. The paths are heated so ice doesn't form on them, allowing them to be used during the winter.





My landlord's barn is something I enjoy seeing. It means I'm almost home!





My hill. NOT fun in the winter.





You can see exactly how far Coda's chain reaches from the porch.





The new candle holders I picked up at Kohls. Less than $15 for both!


My sister's skating coach gave me my first skating gift: an iceskate tin with mixed nuts.


I used to think reese's pieces were amazing. That was until I tried these. Sooo good! I also removed all the green plastic pieces from my candle holder to say "farewell" to Christmas and "Hey there" to Valentine's day.


Minus the eye goo, he's a pretty cute pup. Since the man friend isn't around, he's the best cuddler around. :-)
-- Jessica

2010

Years ago I was convinced to have a psychic read my palms and tell me my future. My cousins Bek and Mandee as well as their mother took part in this. I don't know about them, but I'm wondering if any of it will come true. This year, I turn 25. According to this particular psychic, this is a big year for me. I went back on my trusty LiveJournal (I knew there was a reason to keep it) and found the post from my psychic reading. Here is what was said:

"-I will live a very long life...past the age of 82.
-I will not be rich in my lifetime, but I will be comfortable.
-I will have two children.
-I will be with my soulmate by the age of 25. Until then, I will be in and out of relationships.
-I've been hurt in the past, and that's why I do not trust easily.
-I'm very romantic and spontaneous.
-Someone in my family is sick, but not sick enough to be in bed all of the time.
-I will have no debt.
-I care for someone now, but he is a very stubborn man.
-I will work very hard for the things that I have, and I will appreciate it because of that."

Mom was having knee troubles and my grandfather wasn't doing well at the time, so that takes care of that particular portion.

I cared deeply about Eddie, and he was very stubborn. I still care for him, but no longer in the romantic sense. This is more along the lines of brotherly affection.

As for the "soul mate" thing...
I'm not going to say that I don't want this to be true. I feel as though I'm at a point in my life where I could be in a long and committed relationship. Am I ready to get married and have lots of sex and babies? (love actually quote...who doesn't love sex...lol) No. I do not feel as though I'm ready to become Mrs. "Insert-last-name-here" just yet. I am most definitely not ready for babies. I love children and desperately want to have kids of my own, just not yet. Whatever the case, we will see what happens by this summer. I'll hopefully be turning 25 in Florida, as it's a mere 5 days before Trista and Josh are married. Who knows what conversation I'll have with trista about my romantic future. :-p

Anyway, I figured I'd share this little blip of information to see what kind of feedback I'd receive. Until next time, happy 2010. Hopefully all that you desire in your future will come true. ;-)

-- Jessica

Slacker

I'm all too aware of the fact that I've neglected my blog. I personally see this as a good thing, as it means I've been spending my time doing other things.

Since of course we are nearing the end of the year, i've decided that this post will be a reflectiion on the resolutions I had made for 2009.

Finances:
I feel as though I've taken a step in the right direction this year. While I still am not as wealthy as I would like to be (lotto anyone?) I feel as though I have more money between pay periods and have been able to put more towards my student loans. I've also been able to afford my skating, which adds up quickly. I made wise decisions such as giving up cable tv and living by movies instead. I'm not around enough to warrant spending $70 a month to have cable.

Relationship failures, past and present:
The friendship that failed this time last year has failed for good, and I'm okay with it. His return to the playhouse this season proved that it was finished. I've lost contact with a few people from the playhouse, and I'm okay. I've realized that while some people are meant to be a part of your life, others are not. I do not feel responsible for any of these failures, and I think for that very reason, I've accomplished this resolution.

Feeling romantically alone:
I really tried not to think of romantic relationships much this year, but in the end some things have changed. Last year I had created a eharmony profile, but never checked it. I updated it once this year, and all of a sudden I'm receiving emails and IMs left and right. I never paid for a membership, but through free communication weekends and the fact that they never caught my AIM name in my profile, I began talking to a couple of people regularly. It finally was narrowed down to just one, and so far things are good. I'm not sure if there is an official label on the relationship yet, but whatever it is, I enjoy it. He's a hysterically funny guy who has good taste in movies and music. He's tall and handsome. He's sweet and I feel very comfortable around him. He appreciates the little things and makes me smile. I'm sincerely hoping that I'll continue seeing him.

Physical limitations:
Skating has been great for this one. I love being on the ice and I love what it's done for my body. My legs are toning and i've lost nearly 30 pounds. I'm down one "right fit" pant size and two normal sizes. I am glad that i've found a sport I like again. :-)

So, that's the update. I'm hoping that you all have a very Merry Christmas and may your new year bring good changes as well. :-)



-- Jessica

12 in 12- October

I got my butt handed to me today in guitar hero. Apparently not playing for months hinders your ability to rock. I failed two songs back to back. On hard. For the first time ever. WTF.



A friend of mine recommended this game for the ds, and I managed to talk my mom into buying it for me. I hope it lives up to the expectations I have. He said it's a lot of fun, and since we have the same ds games, I figure our tastes are pretty similar.




I simply could not get warm today. No matter what I tried, my body still felt like a giant popcicle.




Laundry sucks to no end. It was one thing when I could do it in my own house, but now I'm forced to schlep it to moms. It's a tedious job.




I thought about raking the leaves on my yard today. Just thought about it. Didn't do it though.



My dog apparently believes he's king of the house. He also has figured out how to turn the bedroom light on to signal he has to go out. This sucks when it's at 6:00 am on your day off.



I've become completley uninspired by the written word lately. I have plenty of books to read, yet i've lost the desire to read. I'm not sure if it's because I just finished a stellar series or if I'm burnt out. I want to find my literary drive again.




I realized today that there is more snack food in the house for my dog than there is for me. That's good, since I'm trying to eat healthy, but now I know where all of my money has gone.



I really love my bedroom. It's such a relaxing and zen place. I did a good job decorating if I do say so myself. :-)



To this day, I still use my white board to stay organized. I did, however, find out that visa vis do not work well on this board. They run. No good.



This was my dinner for tonight but I wasn't hungry. Eggplant Parma and pasta. I'll take it to work with me tomorrow instead.



Anyone want a free one year old queen mattress??I got my tempurpedic which I love, and now I have nowhere to put my old mattress. It has some warehouse dust on it that I couldn't get off, but it's in great shape.

-- Jessica

Distasteful conversation.

I get to mom's tonight, and she's fuming. My grandfather had stopped in to see her, and they had a conversation that resulted in my mother yelling at her father for the first time.

It starte out by him talking about my cousin's graduation dinner at the diner down the road. None of us were invited, but that's not really the issue. Something happened and something was said at that dinner to trigger negative thoughts of me by my grandfather. He told mom that he's disgusted that I'm living off of the state. What? I wish I was! It'd be a whole lot easier to pay for things. I get no state aid, bust my ass 40 hours a week and pay for everything on my own. No welfare, no food stamps. Nothing. I pay for my own health insurance too! Apparently because I have student loans, I'm living off of the state.

He was talking to mom about when I was a baby. My father beat my mother and tried to push her out of a window. Why?he was trying to hit me. I was 18 months old. Do I support this? No. Do I still love my father? Yes. My grandfather told mom that my father must have seen something in me and we both deserved it.

My grandfather believes I am living off of my mother. Yes, I'm sharing a car with her while I save for my own. Other than that, I do not ask her for a damn thing. Has she picked up a carton of milk for me while she was out? Yep. Have I done the same for her? Yep. I, again, bust my ass and do what I need to do for myself, and when I've needed assistance, I've gone to my uncle and paid off my debt in record time. (twice ever, once for online classes that needed the money up front. )

I know that my aunt Linda was at that dinner, and I know that for whatever reason she hates me. I know that in my 9 years of working, I have busted ass and worked harder than she has in her 50-some years of life. I know that I have helped her out numerous times without thinking twice, and have always been nice to her. (well, up until she started eating my groceries. )

Fuck her. Fuck them. I don't need a family full of spite and hatred. I have the Ropke side, an I still have some left on the Poppo side. Those who feel like talking negatively about me when they don't even know me can kiss my fat ass.