Flickering Lights

My 12-in-12 attempt failed miserably this past month. I had hoped I'd be back on track, but with my skating competition on the 13th, I was more focused on preparing. Besides, the man came up on the 12th and lord knows I don't pay attention to much else while he's around. (Sickening, I am aware...)

The competition went very well. I skated decently and ended up taking home two gold medals. The man met some family and friends (and was well received) and seemed very supportive. My coach was very proud of me. It felt good, and I can't wait to do it again. I'm just waiting to see when that will be.

Valentine's day was fantastic. I felt like a tool after I opened my gifts from him. What I got him seemed so lame compared to what I received. Oh well. I made him a meal of roasted chicken (which I wasn't impressed with), roasted garlic parmesan mashed potatoes and broccoli with a bread crumb topping. I also made eclairs for dessert. All that really matters is that I was able to spend time with him, and I loved every minute.

Last week proved to be interesting. We had three straight days of snow that dropped three feet of snow in some areas and caused mass power outages. I lost power sometime on Thursday and as of this moment, I'm still without power. It's been beyond frustrating, but thankfully I am okay. It allowed me to visit some of the Ropke side of the family, as well as have a nice (but brief) visit with the man. Sadly, I will not be able to see him until the weekend of the 12th, so it was nice to spend the half an hour I had with him.

Things on the romantic front have been good. I really enjoy his company and his conversation. He makes me laugh and always seems to know the right things to say. My feelings for him are growing and while it scares the hell out of me, it's a nice thing to admit. I miss him every moment he is gone and always anticipate his next visit.

Anyway, there's the update. Perhaps I'll have something more interesting to report later.

Ice Ice baby

Man oh man, where has the time gone? Oh, I know. It's gone into working, playing on the weekends (sometimes with the boy) and skating. Lots of skating. I was approached by my coach about participating in my first Figure Skating competition and so I said "sure, let's do it." Man, I should have realized that my OCD and type A personality would make this more difficult on me than it needs to be. I'm a perfectionist at heart, and try to push myself to be the best at everything I set out to do. This causes me grief on the ice. I have changed my music twice, mostly because I knew I could find something better. I ended up with "It's just a house" from the Up Soundtrack and I love it. I have only been skating with my music for a short time, and yet I have only Monday night left to practice before the competition is here. I know that I have only been skating for a short time, yet I expect things to be perfect while I am out there. I'm also dealing with the fact that I am stuck between skating levels, and cannot do some of the things I can do because of deductions. This simplifies my program a bit, and makes it that much more irritating to me. I lost this past Saturday of skating due to back issues (that I haven't figured out the cause to) and am really hoping that come tomorrow night, I'll be where I need to be to take home the gold.

Things with work have been good. I was told by one of the directors of the Education department that I am an asset to the company and they really hope that I pursue a higher position within the center. I was told that I work well with the kids and that they respond very well to me. I have "a natural talent when it comes to being in a classroom working with children or staff." It was very nice to hear, and it came at the right time. I was starting to get frustrated with my position, but now it's helping me push myself and do what I need to do to to move up the ladder.

The man is coming up for Valentine's weekend, and I can't wait. Despite it being the competition weekend, it should be a good time. I'm trying to figure out what to cook for him for Valentine's dinner and am coming up with no ideas. Hopefully with some research I'll be good to go.

That's all for now. My 12-in-12 will be coming up soon. Keep your eye out!

You've got to ice it.

Trainers have it right. You put ice on an injury to help it heal. It helps take the pressure off. The swelling reduces. Funny how the same can be true about skating and dealing with life.

I've found my skating sessions to be theraputic. While sitting on the bench, I think through all of the things that are bothering me. With each lace I pull tighter, I release one of those thoughts. With each stroke across the ice, I think about the positive things in my life. With each successful move I make, I cheer for myself and feel as though this is what I need to be doing. I can walk into the lobby with the weight of the world on my shoulders, and as soon as my session is over I'm smiling and ready for the next phase of my day. I always want more time. My three hours of skating a week never seems like enough.

I loved weightlifting when I was in High School. I loved it so much that it became a secondary option had I not been accepted by Stetson. I was scouted by an Olympic trainer and was asked to train with him. I still, however, never felt as at peace with that sport as I do with figure skating. It's strange.

This past weekend was my first competition. I was in two events, and placed first in both. I was proud of myself. All of that practice and effort paid off. I received complements by many. I left wanting more. More skating. More testing. More competing. It's addicting.

The skating also brought a slight change in my relationship with the man. (Boy seems wrong to say. Boyfriend...manfriend...I donno.) He came to be supportive of me, and in turn had to meet my mom, sister and entire extended skating family. He did well and was a real trooper. Even though he was shy, everyone really liked him. We girls always try to convince ourselves that the opinions of of family only count a little, but truthfully it matters more than that. I was able to breathe a sigh of relief when mom called me and said she approved. It made it that much easier to like him. Not only did he put himself in that awkward social situation for me, but he spoiled me rotten on Valentine's Day. I've never been so happy and surprised by a guy I've dated like that before. I can't help but like him and the time we spend together. :-)

See? Ice it and it all gets better. I think I'm going to continue this thought for awhile. Perhaps more good luck will come my way.

-- Jessica

Finding comfort.

When things are new, we often jump into a guarded and cautious method of being. We don't want to put ourselves out there and find that this new thing, be it job, relationship or even a new hobby, was a waste of time, effort and emotion. It's our natural safeguard. I have stepped out of that safety bubble, and so far things are looking good.

I'm dating. It's strange to say/think/type those words. It's been a pretty long time since I've been in this situation and I'm nervous. I'm not "I can't eat in front of him" nervous. He actually makes me feel very comfortable around him. I'm more of the "I really hope I don't do something to mess this up and send him running" nervous. I like him. I admit that to myself, and that's the most nerve wracking part of this whole thing. It's still new, and yet I'm allowing myself to say "I'm in it" and open myself up to a possibility of the good and the bad. I have a feeling that there is going to be a whole lot more good than bad though. He was really understanding when I ran out of propane this weekend and had no hot water, heat or formal cooking surface. I managed to make dinner and breakfast (and finish the blondies that had started baking) in the microwave, but he did what he could to make me feel better about the situation at hand. He's a good guy, that's for sure.


-- Jessica

12 in 12

It's been awhile, but the concept is back.





The horse pills I get to take for 5 days. At least while fighting the infection I'll be anthrax free.








It certainly felt colder than this at 7:45. I'd say it felt more like 7 degrees.








This is a pretty decent song. It's in rotation in the mornings when I need something to pump me up for work.








I had to park in the back lot today, so I decided to snap a shot of the back side of campus.








After dropping a student off at a music therapy class, I decided to snap a shot of the center of campus. The paths are heated so ice doesn't form on them, allowing them to be used during the winter.





My landlord's barn is something I enjoy seeing. It means I'm almost home!





My hill. NOT fun in the winter.





You can see exactly how far Coda's chain reaches from the porch.





The new candle holders I picked up at Kohls. Less than $15 for both!


My sister's skating coach gave me my first skating gift: an iceskate tin with mixed nuts.


I used to think reese's pieces were amazing. That was until I tried these. Sooo good! I also removed all the green plastic pieces from my candle holder to say "farewell" to Christmas and "Hey there" to Valentine's day.


Minus the eye goo, he's a pretty cute pup. Since the man friend isn't around, he's the best cuddler around. :-)
-- Jessica

2010

Years ago I was convinced to have a psychic read my palms and tell me my future. My cousins Bek and Mandee as well as their mother took part in this. I don't know about them, but I'm wondering if any of it will come true. This year, I turn 25. According to this particular psychic, this is a big year for me. I went back on my trusty LiveJournal (I knew there was a reason to keep it) and found the post from my psychic reading. Here is what was said:

"-I will live a very long life...past the age of 82.
-I will not be rich in my lifetime, but I will be comfortable.
-I will have two children.
-I will be with my soulmate by the age of 25. Until then, I will be in and out of relationships.
-I've been hurt in the past, and that's why I do not trust easily.
-I'm very romantic and spontaneous.
-Someone in my family is sick, but not sick enough to be in bed all of the time.
-I will have no debt.
-I care for someone now, but he is a very stubborn man.
-I will work very hard for the things that I have, and I will appreciate it because of that."

Mom was having knee troubles and my grandfather wasn't doing well at the time, so that takes care of that particular portion.

I cared deeply about Eddie, and he was very stubborn. I still care for him, but no longer in the romantic sense. This is more along the lines of brotherly affection.

As for the "soul mate" thing...
I'm not going to say that I don't want this to be true. I feel as though I'm at a point in my life where I could be in a long and committed relationship. Am I ready to get married and have lots of sex and babies? (love actually quote...who doesn't love sex...lol) No. I do not feel as though I'm ready to become Mrs. "Insert-last-name-here" just yet. I am most definitely not ready for babies. I love children and desperately want to have kids of my own, just not yet. Whatever the case, we will see what happens by this summer. I'll hopefully be turning 25 in Florida, as it's a mere 5 days before Trista and Josh are married. Who knows what conversation I'll have with trista about my romantic future. :-p

Anyway, I figured I'd share this little blip of information to see what kind of feedback I'd receive. Until next time, happy 2010. Hopefully all that you desire in your future will come true. ;-)

-- Jessica

Slacker

I'm all too aware of the fact that I've neglected my blog. I personally see this as a good thing, as it means I've been spending my time doing other things.

Since of course we are nearing the end of the year, i've decided that this post will be a reflectiion on the resolutions I had made for 2009.

Finances:
I feel as though I've taken a step in the right direction this year. While I still am not as wealthy as I would like to be (lotto anyone?) I feel as though I have more money between pay periods and have been able to put more towards my student loans. I've also been able to afford my skating, which adds up quickly. I made wise decisions such as giving up cable tv and living by movies instead. I'm not around enough to warrant spending $70 a month to have cable.

Relationship failures, past and present:
The friendship that failed this time last year has failed for good, and I'm okay with it. His return to the playhouse this season proved that it was finished. I've lost contact with a few people from the playhouse, and I'm okay. I've realized that while some people are meant to be a part of your life, others are not. I do not feel responsible for any of these failures, and I think for that very reason, I've accomplished this resolution.

Feeling romantically alone:
I really tried not to think of romantic relationships much this year, but in the end some things have changed. Last year I had created a eharmony profile, but never checked it. I updated it once this year, and all of a sudden I'm receiving emails and IMs left and right. I never paid for a membership, but through free communication weekends and the fact that they never caught my AIM name in my profile, I began talking to a couple of people regularly. It finally was narrowed down to just one, and so far things are good. I'm not sure if there is an official label on the relationship yet, but whatever it is, I enjoy it. He's a hysterically funny guy who has good taste in movies and music. He's tall and handsome. He's sweet and I feel very comfortable around him. He appreciates the little things and makes me smile. I'm sincerely hoping that I'll continue seeing him.

Physical limitations:
Skating has been great for this one. I love being on the ice and I love what it's done for my body. My legs are toning and i've lost nearly 30 pounds. I'm down one "right fit" pant size and two normal sizes. I am glad that i've found a sport I like again. :-)

So, that's the update. I'm hoping that you all have a very Merry Christmas and may your new year bring good changes as well. :-)



-- Jessica