Hello again

Man oh man it's been awhile. I'm not sure why, but I haven't felt the need to blog lately. I decided after I had to do a factory reset on my phone and found an old blogging app I loved in my iTunes to come back and write about the goings-on.

If any of you are friends with me on facebook, I'm sure you've seen my posts about how much I hate Bank of America. I've been an account holder with BoA since 2003. In that time I've had so many issues with them. Account fraud that was almost unsolved because of their lack of mailing the necessary paperwork, overdraft fees on a positive balance, authorizing companies to take money from my account without notifying me, and the latest "you can't cash your check, but you can deposit it and access your money by Tuesday" fiasco. I have a positive balance in my account. The last overdraft issue was months ago, and was rectified quickly. (Only overdraft because of mother. Ugh.) Apparently I'm not allowed to cash my $512 payroll check because of account relations. What? When I asked about this, I was told that unless I had the money in my account to cover the check I was trying to cash (and then deposit in cash so I could access the money) then I would have to deposit the check. Apparently from now on, unless you keep $500 or more in your account at all times, your account relationship is shady at best and they hold your money hostage from Friday until Tuesday morning. I asked to close my account yesterday. I was told if have to wait for the 4 other people before me and it'd probably not happen today because it was getting close to closing. I asked if I could make an appointment so I wouldn't run into this problem. The branch manager is first come first served. Appointments don't exist. Oh BoA, I hate you.

I will be removing my money on Tuesday, closing my account and moving my business elsewhere.

Work has been interesting. I finally made my case for a transfer which should be happening by the end of the year. Until then, I remain covered in bruises and mentally and physically exhausted. I was asked to teach a toddler music class at a montessori school three mornings a week, but since it's not full-time I was forced to decline. If it becomes a full-time position, they said they would call me and make me an offer. Since they've only been open for a month, they said it might take time to boost enrollment. Keep your fingers crossed!

Things with Jordan have been amazing. We are quickly approaching one year together and it blows my mind. I'm trying to figure out something special for our anniversary. :-) I still hate that I only see him on weekends, but he's keeping his eyes open for a job in this area so he can move in. Keep your fingers crossed for him. I know I am.

Mom just recently had surgery on her knee, but thankfully she's doing alright. They fixed her tendon (it was twisted sideways), shaved the bone shards off of the kneecap and drilled a hole through the bone to allow for constant bleeding in order to re-grow cartilage. She has to put no weight on her foot for 6 more weeks, but her doctor said she'll make a full recovery. This will also allow her partially torn achilles tendon to heal as well.

Anywho, I'm going to head back to my book. Hope this update finds you well.

Stuck in a rut.

I knew that looking for a new job in this economy was going to be a difficult task. I'm well aware that companies simply are not hiring. This is becoming a source of frustration that I simply cannot free myself from. I search for openings almost daily. I'm well aware that beggars can't be choosers, so I'm considering anything with a pay-rate of more than $9.50 an hour. Too bad I am not certified to operate a fork-lift or haven't had 5 years in grocery store experience. I could be making $50,000+ a year right now. The sad thing is that the jobs I am qualified for are either at the same pay-rate or they are for companies who work with people with disabilities. *sigh*

I did take a step to better my current job situation this week. I suggested a transfer to a new classroom. This classroom would be all female residents, and only one has "severe" behaviors. Her biggest aggressive behavior is one that I encounter 20+ times in a shift with just one of the boys I am currently working with. I'm hoping that they okay the transfer. I'd get myself out of a class that is dangerous, and I'd also get out from under my current supervisor. (He and I butt heads quite a bit, so this would be a great change.)

On the home front, things have been okay. I just found out that my mom is pretty badly injured. She nearly completely tore her Achilles tendon and needs surgery before she loses her ability to walk. (If she tears it completely, that's what it will come to. Apparently it is only hanging by a thread.) This was discovered after seeing a doctor about her knee, which she will also have to have surgery on. After 8-12 weeks in a full-leg cast for the Achilles tendon, she will then have the knee operated on and will have to go through recovery for that. This poor woman. I don't know how she does it, but even now, she remains strong and doesn't complain about it. She's dished so much crap and yet she's never "why me" about it. I wish that I will one day be that strong.

Things with Jordan have been going strong. We are nearing 10 months together which blows my mind. I always wish I have more time with him, but I take what I can get and support him and his new job. I can say that I'm hoping a great job in my area opens up for him so he can move in and I can spend every day with him. I had considered looking for something in his area as far as work goes, but we both love where I live so I decided to abandon that idea. Paradise for only $450 a month? Who would give that up?

Alright, that's it for me. Perhaps I'll post more when I have something interesting to say.

Change is certainly needed.

So much has happened since the wedding. After fighting a stomach virus (and losing two days of work), I fell into some financial hard times and as of Saturday had to postpone my skating adventures. I'm completely heartbroken as skating was not only physical exercise, but also a much needed mental outlet. It always allowed me to clear my mind and let go of excess stress. Now it just seems as if that stress is already starting to pile up on me.

I've been in the process of trying to find a new job. The reality is that I get paid $9.50 an hour. That's $9.50 an hour to toilet, teach and be a physical and emotional outlet for my students. That's $9.50 to be a human punching bag more often than not. That's $9.50 to put myself in physical danger every day. It's simply not worth it. Do I love the kids? Of course I do. I think thats partly why my job is so stressful. I go above and beyond my job description because I want my students to have an exceptional quality of life. Every little problem that arises follows me home. Any medical problems haunt me through dinner. Could I have fixed it? Could I have helped them? Could I have avoided being given a black eye? I always put myself completely into my work. This ends up being a positive work trait as well as a negative one. I just need something that will allow me to live beyond my paychecks. I want to save money but can't. I want to come home and not feel defeated. After insurance and taxes, my $512 take-home just isn't enough to live off of for two weeks. I need more.

Things with Jordan have been good. He really has been helpful through this period of frustration.

Another source of frustration is a current fight I'm in with my mother. I am right in the situation and yet she will not listen to reason.

I know that in the end, this too shall pass. I'd just really like a little glimmer of hope to shine on me simply so I don't feel as though I'm struggling for nothing.

Post-wedding thoughts.

Well, the big day is over. Josh and Trista's wedding day has come to a close. How do I feel? Primarily I feel a mixture of sadness and relief. Perhaps this is a temporary feeling and I'll go back to feeling happy tomorrow.

The sadness has a lot to do with the realization that my best friend (aside from my mom) is someone I do not see often. I was finally able to be with her for the first time since may 2007, and now it's over. I miss her so much and I'm sad that it was such a short time spent with her. I'm staying with her sister tonight and when I came back to her room I started crying. I was sad that I'd have to leave my friend again and go back to my routine without her. I feel that way frequently, because my closest friends are The furthest away in distance. Jordan had become my best local friend, which has helped and terrified me all at the same time.

I was able to see many people I haven't seen in years this weekend, and most of it was quite pleasant. I finally saw my old clarinet player and "mom-away-from-mom", Lynn Musco, which helped make the trip a great one. She is such an inspiration and helped me through so many rough times in my life. I love her with all of my heart and it was really hard for me to say goodbye to her. We chatted for about 10 minutes and it really made me miss her more. I'm hoping that when and if I get married, she will come to the wedding. :-)

This weekend also caused me to miss Jordan so much. Seeing all the couples made me wish that he was with me. Hearing all the stories of new relationships and seeing Trista and Josh take that next step made me think of how lucky I am to have a man who treats me so well and who makes me laugh. He's such a wonderful man and I really wished he could have shared this with me. I wish he could have met those who are close to me. It's crazy to think that a psychic could have been right, but here i am, 25 years old and in love with a wonderful man. The psychic said I'd be with my soul-mate, the one I am to marry by this time. Part of me really thought that Jordan could be it. It didn't scare me. It actually was a comforting thought. Maybe it's how I actually feel. Maybe it's just wedding emotions causing it all. Time will have to tell. All I know is that the past 7 months have been amazing, and I always
hope that there are many more wonderful months to come.

Tomorrow I'm going to Monique's and then I help her band camp out before being dropped off at the airport. I am sad to leave, but i can't wait to be home. It's an odd feeling, but one I'll just have to deal with.

To Trista and Josh, may all the happiness in the world make it's way into your life. I hope that you will never forget this day, and what you felt when you became husband and wife. I love you both with all my heart.

It's been awhile.

Wow, Easter was awhile ago, huh? I can't believe I haven't posted since my fantastic weekend in the city. It just goes to show you that I've been busy.

Skating:
I've been busy as usual with skating. I had a competition on May 2nd in Wayne, NJ to prepare for so I was busy practicing my compulsorary (moves-based, no music, judged completely on your technical aspects, no points awarded for "show") and showcase (entertainment and moves-based with music. The more you ham it up, the better) programs. I had decided that I was going to be Carmen Miranda for my showcase, so I tried pretty hard to bring her to life on the ice. This competition was a first for me in many aspects. It was my first competition outside of my practice rink. It was the first time I had worn an actual skating dress. It was my first time doing a program with real jumps (bunny hops don't really count as jumps) and footwork! I worked hard and because of my diligence, I brought home two gold medals and a new sense of pride. Who knew I'd feel so at home performing for a panel of judges as well as an audience of parents and skaters? The mere thought of playing a solo on the clarinet brought my legs to a jello-like consistancy, yet being Carmen Miranda on the ice was nothing to worry about. I was really honored when the skating director from that rink approahed me to tell me I was highly entertaining and that my elements were great. What an amazing feeling! People were coming up to me when it was all said and done to complement my performance. One of the adult competitors from another rink told me it makes her happy to see adults skating in competitions. It is a small group, but I'm hoping that more people will build up the courage and confidance and join in. It's too much fun not to try!

Since the competition ended, I've been working on my moves. I'm hoping to test sometime in July. I also have ordered my first pair of official "professional" ice skates. The skates I'm in now are an entry-level Ridell skate. They have no real padding in the boot, the soles are PVC instead of leather and cork, and my blades just barely have a visable toe-pick. Since toe-picks are essential for jumping (and since I'm doing waltz jumps, half-flips and have begun working on my toe-loop) I decided I was in need of an upgrade. I essentially have spent a month's rent (that I thankfully had to spend, courtesy of a healthcare reimbursement check from my job) but I'm excited to see just what I can do in them. They will hopefully come in before next weekend!

Boyfriend:
Things with Jordan couldn't be better. Well, of course aside from the fact that I don't get to see him nearly as often as I'd like...lol. He is honestly a wonderful boyfriend (manfriend?) and I'm thankful he puts up with me. He's been coming to my skating practices on Saturday mornings, has endured more impromptu family gatherings than I had planned and willingly rubs my feet (even if they are sweaty and have a slight aroma) when we are laying on the couch at home. He's helpful with coda and general housekeeping, he is always asking what he can do for me, and in general, he just makes me feel wonderful. I'm really glad I managed to find this guy. :-)

Life:
Things on the work front have been tense. There are three pregnant staff in my classroom, so that leaves three of us to rotate through the kids with the aggressive behaviors. It takes a toll on you physically and emotionally, but it's all the name of the game. I had to fight for time off for Trista's wedding, and finally was allowed to take two days off. I was given an opportunity to assist in a music therapy session which was seriously cool. The head of the department complimented me on my work and said that she is going to keep my name on file in case she needs help again. That was another little ego boost. :-) the family seems to be doing alright. Olivia is seriously PMS-y, and I'm ready to put her attitude in check. Most of the time she's okay, other times I look at her as though she's been taken by the devil. Alex is his typical soon-to-be-17 self. X-box is his life.

Not a whole lot to report on. Oh! I'm 2 pounds shy of losing 40 lbs. That's pretty rad. I'm hoping to keep it up and see how much I can lose. :-)

-- Jessica

An Easter to remember

This Easter was by far one of the best that I have celebrated. As part of Jordan's Easter basket, I bought tickets to see Fela! We decided to plan a day around the 2:00 matinee performance, and then the next thing you know we landed a hotel room for nothing (thanks to a connection my mom had made). The day we had planned turned into a 2-day event that was full of fun and laughter. We took the train into the city and arrived around 11:20. A taxi ride later brought us to the hotel to drop off our things. From there we went to this hipster burger joint at Le Parker Meridian hotel. It was a cool little place behind a curtain that made delicious burgers. On the walls were tons of celebrity (and wanna-be celebrity) signatures and notes about the food. I thought that was kind of neat. Jordan and I both decided that it was a win on the "dining in NY" list. Good food, decent prices, great feel to it. From there we decided to take a walk down to Pinkberry which was an amazing experience. I had a pomegranate pinkberry with fresh raspberries, blackberries, kiwi and pineapple. Delicious on such a warm day! We sat at the corner of W. 56th and 8th Ave. watching people and eating our frozen treat. We decided to take a walk down to times square to take a look at things (and to be in the general area of the theater) and found ourselves in the M&M store. We killed some time (thanks partially to the line to the ladies room) and then headed to the theater.

I can honestly say that Fela! was unlike any show I've seen. It was electric. Emotionally charged, rhythmically unique, a look and sound that really keeps your blood pumping. It made me happy to break out of the "traditional" musical scene and see something that I normally would have passed over. It also renewed my love for live theater and my desire to be a part of it. The musicians look like they are having such a good time, and you can tell that the cast WANTS to be on stage and that they love doing their job. It made me think about leaving the playhouse last season, and how much I am going to miss being in that environment this summer. (I do, however, remind myself that NO job is worth the verbal abuse I sustained, and the $405 I made a week did not cover the 80 hours of my life I put into my job.) Seeing this show also reminded me that I don't live far from the city, so there are no excuses as to why I cannot renew my love for the theater more often. (Well, aside from finances of course.)

We went back to the hotel after the show and had to hang out for a bit. I had a bit of a headache (allergies I'm thinking) and had to wait for the tylenol to kick in. We decided to grab pizza at Bella Napoli for dinner and then to Crumbs for dessert. Seriously, the best cupcake I've ever had. The raspberry swirl is AMAZING! We headed back to the hotel to eat our cupcakes and decide where to go from there. We decided drinks were in order so we went to 1-2-3 burger shot beer (a sports bar) for a few drinks, then we went back to the hotel to have a couple of more (since we felt badly about not having dinner there). After awhile of talking and laughing, we headed back to the room to crash.

Sunday morning rolls around and we start packing our things and getting ready to head to Telepan for brunch, since Jordan had made reservations for us. We make a quick trip back to Crumbs to grab cupcakes for the family for Easter dessert (which were well received, and the Caramel Apple cupcake is yet another AMAZING flavor) and then took a nice stroll to the restaurant. While walking, we passed the Met which then got my brain going. I want to go see an opera, and it's the same situation as coming to see a play or musical. Just take the train in and go! What's stopping me? Why don't I look into these things? Madama Butterfly is on the list for this season. ONE OF MY FAVORITE OPERAS! You can bet that I am going to start looking into tickets, because I don't want to miss a shot to see productions of great operas because I'm too lazy to help myself. Brunch was amazingly delicious (apple crepes and pear french toast...mmm) but ridiculously decadent, so we decided to walk it off in the Barnes and Noble down the street. About an hour of shopping (and two books later) we left, headed back to the hotel and then to Grand Central. The train back to Beacon was peaceful, and the drive was great until I was about 15 minutes from mom's. I was pulled over (joy) and given a ticket for speeding. We get to Mom's house where there are people galore (Stephanie, Bianca, Chas and Devan came from Newburgh, Lisa, Jill and Adam, Mom, Alex, Olivia, Myself, Jordan and then a family friend Fred. A nice gathering) eating and having a good time. Jordan and I eat, take a trip back to my house so he can finish packing and then he he left.

It was an awesome weekend spent with a person who makes me laugh and smile continuously. (Well, maybe not continuously, but it sure feels like it. :-P) It was full of new experiences and great stories to tell. It was a weekend that will seriously go down as one of the best. I can't wait to see what other weekend adventures will be planned.

The reason we own pets.

Being on spring break has offered me a chance to relax and recharge mentally and physically. What has helped me do this? Honestly, being with my dog Coda.

Over the past week, I've realized that my dog is a continual source of entertainment. Sure, if he does something dog-like that I feel is naughty I stress over it, but that comes with anything in life. (thankfully coda has been pretty good lately...)

I have played with him, walked with him, eaten with him and tested with him. I've also thought a lot about the reason I have him and why he's such a major part of my life.

When I adopted Coda, I had just moved out on my own. No roommate, no family down the road. I wanted someone here with me to help keep away the feelings of lonliness. He did just that. He wagged his tail and looked happy to see me when I got home. He kept me busy walking and playing and cleaning up after him. He gave me a sense of security at night. It was perfect.

It still is pretty perfect. I believe that Coda is a lot like me in the way he acts. He is fiercly loyal to those he loves and yet he can be friendly to everyone. (Jordan and I got into a tickle fight and when I screamed, Coda snarled at him and jumped on him. He didn't get violent, but his warning was heard. Moments later he was curled up in Jordan's lap as though nothing happened.) Coda is skittish and barks at everything (I hear every noise in and out of this house and sometimes it freaks me out) and often moans about noises that bother him. (If I sneeze while he is sleeping, he moans, opens his eyes and gives me a look like "thanks. I was having a great dream!" Coda is clumsy and yet can run like a psycho around the house and any obsticle (suitcase) laying around with such grace that it astounds me. He's playful and lazy and he honestly prefers fresh veggies to kibble. He is a doggie contradiction, and I love him.

I believe that people own pets because it gives them a sense of accomplishment. We are proud of the commands they obey. We are proud of how beautiful they are. We are proud of how well they play with others. We are especially proud of the feeling of relationship success we have with our pets. We care for them day in and day out. They see our good and bad sides and yet not much can destroy the relationship we have with them. It's not like the relationships we have with people. If we get short with our friends or lash out at them because of stress, we may end up with one less friend. I've yelled at coda unfairly because of stress and yet he still wakes me up with doggy kisses and always wants to lay beside me to sleep. He can tell if I'm upset and always finds a way to cheer me up. He even has his own little way of apologizing after he's done something wrong. It may be considered "lame" to blog about your pet, but I figured that such an essential part of my life should be talked about and honored. Two years of dog ownership has taught me a lot about myself, and I'm thankful for the experience. I'm also thankful for the friend it has brought me in Coda. He's the best first dog a girl could ask for.