Stop the whining

I have a friend from high school named Jessica. We had lost touch when I went to college but have reconnected over the years via Facebook. She has made some decisions I don't agree with (getting pregnant in high school (she lost the baby to SIDS), having three more kids with fathers who aren't around or are in jail) yet I've been listening to her troubles and I'm done.

She is currently complaining about her job situation. Jessica had worked at Winn-Dixie for a number of years and while I'm not certain why that job ended I know that since then (3 years now?) she has not had a job. She has managed to get pregnant and have another child but can't seem to find employment of any kind. She finally found a job at Lowes yet can no longer work because she can't find babysitters for her three kids. She does nothing but complain about having no money yet she is living in section 8 housing at basically no cost to her thanks to the Florida government, she and her kids receive state provided healthcare, she receives unemployment benefits and food-stamps. She has Internet and cable, food on her table every month, healthy kids and she gets to sit on her ass the whole time instead of having to work for these benefits. She essentially earns more than I do by not working.

I sometimes quip about how I'm broke but I bust my ass for my $9.50 an hour. I pay for my own healthcare because the state of NY was no help to me when I was jobless. I make exactly $1020 a month to live off of. I pay $450 a month in rent, $120 for gas (sometimes more depending on weather and prices), $110 for the cell phones for my mom and I, $20 for Netflix, $50 for car insurance because mom is nice enough to pay the rest, I have to set aside money for my electric bill that falls every other month ($50) and then I have to set aside money for propane ($100) bringing me near my total income every month. I also have had emergency expenses come up, doctor's co-pays, prescription costs and the possibility of grocery shopping factor in. I gave up Internet, cable, a house phone, my ice skating lessons and practice as well as entertainment out because I couldn't afford it. My most recent propane bill is over $700 which is going to take me forever to pay off. I need 4 new tires. I don't bitch and complain about how I'm entitled to so much more because I make what I have work. If I want a luxury, I forego groceries or find a way to make enough money to purchase it. I wanted to buy my mom something for her birthday last year so I sold my A clarinet on eBay. I've tried to receive state help but even when I was working part-time as a sub, I made too much and since I have no kids they couldn't help me. I receive $600 in heating assistance from NY in the winter yet my total winter propane costs equal about $1400. People making twice my salary receive the same benefit. There have been days I have used banked time because I didn't have enough gas in my car to get to work. I make my situation work, she needs to figure out a way to make hers work. Trista is coming up in April. I want to do things with her so I'm saving money now. I'm planning on pulling some extra hours in the residence so I can have fun over break. I am doing what I need to do. I just wish the rest of society would do the same.

Is it wrong of me to wish people receiving such benefits to shut the hell up and do something about it?




-Jess

Frustrated.

I'm aware I haven't posted in awhile and while plenty of other topics have come to mind, I feel as though I need to vent my frustration about a recent incident first.

Setting: My living room, watching Glee. I get a text message while on the phone with mom. I ignore it until I'm done only to realize it's a text from Jordan. He wants to come up and get snowed in with me and wants to "fuck me hard."

Rewind! What?! After about ten minutes of texting he says "relax, no harm no foul." Obviously Jordan had and continues to have no idea who I am as a person. No matter how lonely I am or how badly I feel as though I need sex, I cannot forget being treated like shit and invite an ex over. I may not say it every day but I sure do feel it: I am worth more. If you miss me, it's your fault. You had your chance and blew it, and I will not take you back. I am not one of those girls that breaks up with someone 20 times only to get back together with them each time. Don't give me a reason to break up with you and we will stay together. If I break up with you it's because I can picture my life without you and it looks good.

Moral of the story? Treat a woman right the first time around and you won't be sending highly inappropriate texts months after she dumps your slacker ass.

Anyway, on to the rest of my life...

*deep breath*
Winter sucks. A lot. My tires have lasted about a year and are in dire need of being replaced. In the meantime, I'm accruing a day of sick time a month and am having to risk my life driving down my mountain in awful weather on snow days until this upcoming pay day when I will have actually saved enough money from my measly pay to buy snows. Of course this means that this has been the snowiest winter. Ever. We had a snow day today (I used my only banked day) and will most likely have one again tomorrow. Considering it's supposed to snow another 8-10 inches plus an inch of ice, I'm going to brave the waters and probably go into "no-pay" time. What's worse, I don't work a day or I don't work again because I'm dead? That's what I thought.

My baby sister has turned 13. I feel old.

That is all for now. My brain isn't functioning.


-Jess