Idiot Summer

With the start of the new school year, I figured I should probably recap/discuss/whine about the summer of 2012.

Let me start by saying I do believe this was my busiest summer to date. I've never scheduled so many things in one brief period of time, but I certainly wouldn't change it.

Men of the summer:
This summer has been the summer of dating for me. The firefighter and I are very much over, yet still have remained friends. We talk occasionally but there is no desire on my part to be with him again. No attraction, no sexual tension calling me back to him. Maybe it's because we haven't seen one another in ages, or maybe it's because I've been dating more and have experienced more in the land of the male companion. I dated a guy who was a realtor for a brief period of time. He was tall, handsome, successful and over an hour away. Our schedule conflicts and the distance made it impossible for anything to develop between us. Guy #2 works with emotionally disturbed kids. He also has a second job in a grocery store. His only day off is Monday and so in turn we hardly saw one another. We had great chemistry and get along beautifully when we are together. It's just a shame it can't happen more often. Guy #3, Mr. railroad. He works for a railroad company, moved down this way for work. Our chemistry is off the charts. We get along amazingly, our dates have been fantastic, we have so much in common. His kissing style is one that takes my breath away. He sadly, spends his entire weekends back at home 4 hours away. Very limited time to see him. Perhaps when bass fishing season (he competes) is over he will be around more. Guy #4...The Correctional officer...well, he needs his own paragraph.

#4 and I started talking via the POF website. He had messaged me and I actually debated whether or not I would give him a shot before messaging him back. His profile wasn't very detailed and his primary picture wasn't the most wonderful. I decided to give him a shot because he was local. Less than 20 minutes from me. We started talking and talked for nearly 24 straight hours. We found we had so much in common and our conversation was never lacking. He had invited me to come to jam night (a Tuesday night tradition over the summers) with his friends but I was feeling under the weather so I declined. He continued to talk to me throughout the night, making sure I was feeling okay and even sending me a video of the fun. We decided to schedule our first date for the following day. We met for breakfast and ended up spending the entire day together. Breakfast turned into spending time watching tv at his place, which led to Kan Jam and beers at his friend's house which then turned into the Stone Temple Pilot's concert at Bethel. I stayed with him that night, woke up and had to get my car keys from his friend's house, went home to shower and play with Coda then came back to hang out with him and his friends. I didn't leave to go home until nearly 11:00 that night. #4's job schedule is nice; two days on, four days off. Plenty of time to hang out. He went to work, I enjoyed time with family. Sunday of that week I ran a 5k in Brooklyn and then had the Jason Aldean concert to attend at Bethel. #4 was coming with me to the concert. He met me at my house and played with Coda while I showered and changed. He's not a country music fan, but had an enjoyable time and was fun to be with at the show. He stayed over that night. Monday he left to help a friend and I did some cleaning. We saw each other Tuesday and Wednesday. Tuesday night after leaving his friend's house I ended up with a flat tire. I changed the tire and managed to lose my phone by driving away while it was still on the roof of my car. He helped me search in the dark for hours for my phone that night. We didn't find it so he made me stay at his place as my other tire was ready to blow and I had no phone. He arranged to get my car fixed by a friend of his and helped me locate my phone the following morning. (It had been run over by a car.) he loaned me his car so I could get home and shower then try and figure out a phone situation. He was beyond helpful and sweet. Things were great. I enjoyed my time with him as well as my time with his friends. They all seem to have accepted me into their group and I felt welcomed and at peace around them. Thursday I spent time at his friend's house by invitation despite his being at work. Friday night was the kick-off of the three-day labor day camping party palooza. Three days of drinking, bonfires, camping and just having a good time. I arrived and was having a good time prior to #4 getting off of work. Things were strange with him. He seemed irritated and was very short with me. There was some drama that night around the two of us which I believed we had resolved. I stayed at his place that night and left him the following morning with no issues. Saw him Saturday after I returned from a different party and things were odd again. saw him Sunday and it was as if nothing had ever happened. Monday he became upset with me again after I didn't hug him goodbye. We talked Monday after we went home and now we are "just friends." What happened? I've never experienced so much good in such a small amount of time and have also never seen things turn sour so quickly. We talk, joke and carry on as usual. I guess we will see what time has to offer. I can't pretend that i am not sad about this, but there isn't much i can do In the meantime, I'm so thankful that he has introduced me to his friends. I have made some awesome new friends through him and I'm enjoying their company more than you could imagine.

Events:
Concerts that I attended this summer include:
Zac Brown Band
Lady Antebellum with Thompson Squared and Darrius Rucker
Summerland Tour (Marcy Playground, Lit, Gin Blossoms, Sugar Ray and Everclear)
Stone Temple Pilots
Jason Aldean with Luke Bryan

I was supposed to go to Brad Paisley but was suffering from headaches/migraines at the time so had to skip it. The concerts were so much fun and I had a good time at all of them. cannot wait to see who will be coming to Bethel next year!

On top of the concerts, I attended a number of parties and ran my first 5k. I had such a blast at the color run with Jamie. I fully intend on doing it again next year. I'm running the color me rad 5k in two weeks and that will officially close out my summer activities. I have a wedding of a friend and co-worker to go to tomorrow. Very much looking forward to that.

I'm going to end it here. Too much rambling.

The 7th wheel

I'm never the type of woman to feel out-of-place being single. I'm confidant enough to eat alone while out and about, have seen movies alone and have gone shopping solo. I've never been in a situation where I've felt like the odd woman out in a group of people until my trip to Lake George with my friends.

Let me preface this by saying in no way did they make me feel this way. This was solely an internal awkwardness that I was feeling. It was my own mind putting this pressure on me.

Yesterday I went to Great Escape with Jamie and her husband Derek, Derek's brother Jeremy and his wife Natalie and Jamie's brother Johnny and his wife Zoryida. They are all people I get along and hang out with frequently. An incredible group of individuals that I have growing friendships with. I wouldn't change that for anything. The thing I'd change? Rides being built for six. Can't they be built for eight? We were constantly having to split up the group because I was the odd duck. The one who didn't "fit". When it came to the roller coasters, not everyone participated so that wasn't so awkward. It was the group rides that made me feel as though it would have been easier if I had someone with me or hadn't tagged along. The day overall was a wild success and we had a great time. Spent all day in the park, had the best ice cream in the state of New York (Martha's Dandee Cream) and enjoyed an amazing sushi dinner. Of course now my head is full of "you need to be a part of a twosome" thoughts that I just can't shake. Where did this independent woman's spirit disappear to?

I've been dating quite a bit recently, but up until yesterday I haven't been wanting to rush into a relationship. Have had the "fun summer, if it turns into anything then so-be-it" mentality. The date (first date for us) I experienced this Wednesday was the best date I've ever been on. Perhaps that subconsciously snuck up on me and planted the singleton-inferiority idea in my brain. I admitted to Trista that I was smitten with this particular person, which is not something I will openly admit so soon. I do not ever want to be caught with all of my eggs in one basket, if you will. I can't stand allowing myself to become so wrapped up with a person and situation that I'm crushed if things don't work out. I am a sub-species of modern women who do not wear their emotions on their sleeves and will not admit to heartache freely. It is simply not me.

Anyway, this post has now turned into ramblings so I am going to end here. Perhaps I'll be back when my thoughts are a bit more of a cohesive unit.

New

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-Jess

It has been quite awhile

Wow, it has been months since I've blogged. Looking back over the bullets from the new year, I've realized that already much had happened. I don't have the time or effort to get into it all in detail, so I will write about a few things so as to purge my mind of them for now. Hopefully you'll be able to tolerate it...haha

The beginning of February was marked by the loss of my cousin Sonny. He died of a freak cardiac episode which took everyone by surprise. My cousin had battled drug addiction (pot mostly) for a period of his life but had turned around and rid himself of it. He had a baby boy, 6 months old. It happened so suddenly that I was swept away in sadness. My cousin, one of the few who were a part of my life in Florida, one who I loved and enjoyed the company of was gone. I still remember him moving into the "treehouse" my uncle had built in the back yard. I remember the Rastafarian paint job he had given the interior. I remember his love for Bob Marley and Sublime. Normally in the wake of death, I am the rock of the family. I don't show my emotions in public and mourn on my own at home. This was impossible for me to do. I broke down and every time his name was mentioned or I saw a picture of him, I'd cry. Even now, writing this, my eyes are full of tears. I have many photos of him, but a framed picture of him with his son Sebastian rests on my bookcase so I am reminded of him each time I walk by. Sonny may not have been perfect, but he had the heart and spirit of an angel. He'd do anything in the world for his family, appreciated the little things and was proud of all accomplishments. I miss him, and always will. Now, my attention turns to my Uncle Richard, as the loss of his only son and eldest child has taken a toll on him. He wasn't in good health to begin with but has become worse. I pray every day that he will make it through this.

The firefighter and I are no longer together and it breaks my heart. Since Luke, I hadn't felt this close to anyone, and sadly it just fell apart. We are talking, "friendly" if you will, but I've finally admitted to myself that I miss him. I miss his son, who turns 3 today, just as much.

Despite the negative tone of this post, my life is at a point where I am content. My job is going well, I now work an hour and a half each day in daycare, which is fantastic. Who doesn't like playing with babies 7-18 mos. old at the end of the day? It also is $1.50 more an hour. All day long. It's been nice.

I don't know if being with the babies, my age or the fact that nearly every female friend I have is having babies, but my body is screaming at me to reproduce. For the first time in my life my PCOS has been under control and my cycles are regular. Eventually I'll catch up. Lol

The family is still the same. I have relationships with some, others have separated themselves from me. I just keep doing what I always do, showing respect and consideration, and eventually things will work out.

I am going to 5 concerts this summer and I cannot wait. It's about time I have fun. I've also purchased a hiking book for the area and intend on exploring new spots this year. Maybe even join a hiking club. I hear they do singles hikes. Perhaps there is hope for me yet.




-Jess

Recap

I stole the bullet idea from a friend, but here is 2011 in a nut shell: - I have lost 33 lbs since April of 2011. - I finally managed to be fully treated for PCOS, a condition I've been living with for 11 years. - I continue to work a job that I feel good about. - I still have not seen a pay raise at said job. - I have cultivated new friendships and continued those that are important. - I have witnessed my extended family fall apart. - I have begun running, and despite my improvements, I still do not enjoy it. - I have fallen in love, even though I don't readily admit it. - I have seriously contemplated having my own children in my life. - I have lost loved ones. - I have learned to appreciate the person I have grown to be, flaws and all. What I hope for in 2012: - A better sense of financial security. - Continued Weight loss - My relationship with the firefighter to continue to grow strong and stable. - New experiences and fond memories. - Family unity, however it may happen. - Continued strength in my friendships. - Love myself no matter what. :-) -Jess