I'm not one to usually make resolutions, as I think it's silly for someone to promise to do something just because a new year has begun. I will, however, say that I've decided on a lifestyle change that will begin once I head back to work.
No more ordering French fries with everything. Once a month is all I get.
Yes, they are my weakness. My favorite food essentially. Pretty much the major awful food source left in my diet. Yes, sometimes I splurge, but for the most part I eat well. I also really need to get back in the habit of carrying my water jug around with me. I feel as though I've not been getting enough water lately.
There ya go, my "resolution" if you will.
I will say, I did experience something pretty awesome in 2011; I analyzed my own behavior and figured out why I was doing the things I was doing. This may seem ridiculous to some, but I've always been the type to listen to/analyze behavior/give advice to all of my friends in need. Ask me to do it to myself and I draw a huge blank. I've never been able to. I recently figured out that I've been making something small into a big deal with the firefighter because I'm afraid of what I feel for him. I've been crushed in the past by the man I felt this way about previously (Luke) and because of that I'm not ready to fully admit that I'm in love. I know if I don't admit it and fight it I might miss out on something really wonderful. I'm just afraid of being hurt. I'm in love with and 100% adore his son and the thought of walking away from him is devastating. Maybe that's why I'm being so cautious. Again, I'm thankful to Trista for hearing me out and dealing with my craziness. On the up side of the relationship, I met the firefighter's parents. That was pretty wonderful. His parents seem like wonderful people and they seemed to like me. His mom bought me a Grieg CD because he was a Norwegian (Scandinavian?) composer that she really enjoys and she wanted me to have him in my collection. Beyond sweet. Apparently when they visited his brother and sister-in-law for Thanksgiving, I was brought up and good things were said. I'm thankful that his family has accepted me. :-)
Tonight will be filled with good company, food and board games, so I'm very much looking forward to bringing in 2012. To my (2) readers, thank you for sticking with me for another year. Let's see what IT will bring. :-)
-Jess
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Monday, December 5, 2011
Control
Okay okay, I'm a control freak. The first step to recovery and change is admitting your problem, right? I am not a control freak in all aspects of my life, but when it comes to my feelings and the way that I act/react/process/live daily I like to have total control. I like to be able to say "I am angry, and I'm going to walk away" or make the decision to fly off the handle and make with the screaming. I've always been good about holding back tears when it's not an appropriate time/place for them and have always been someone who could mask her supreme joy if necessary. (Well, aside from Trista, no one could tell just how I'm feeling. She's got this crazy ability to read me instantly!) I feel as though lately I've lost control of myself and it terrifies me. I can't hold the smile back when the phone rings. When I see the two-year old my heart visibly pours out. I feel as though if you were to see me interacting with the firefighter and his son, my eyes would be sending the message loud and clear. Nothing hidden. This is what worries me. I want to decide when to send the message. When to allow people to see what's really going on inside of my heart. What my brain is trying to rationalize away. What I'm trying to avoid. Yes, I said it, avoid. I'm terrified of the feelings that really exist, as the last time I was certain I was feeling them, my heart was crushed. (Luke) The control freak inside of me doesn't want to open up to the possibility of that happening again, yet I'm fully aware that without allowing that possibility I'm cutting myself off from the possibility that my heart will not be broken. There is a possibility that my heart, instead, would be free to experience something so beautiful. Risks vs benefits. I decided to be brave (in the wimpiest sense of the word...ha!) and write a little of how I'm feeling in his Christmas card. Granted, I didn't use THE word, and I'm not sure when he'll actually read it, (it's on his gift which I intend to give in person) but I did it. We shall see how it all turns out.
I guess I'm just afraid because there is so much about him that I like. He makes me laugh, inspires me, teaches me new things, is my friend, is supportive and offers suggestions without criticizing, is a hard worker, a good father, a people person, a conversationalist, cooks, cleans, helps friends in need, good looking, athletic. The list really could go on. Does he have faults? Everyone does. His don't scream "run!" the way some other people's have. His biggest fault is his schedule, but that can't really be helped. Take this week for instance: Monday and Tuesday at the firehouse, Wednesday and Thursday night at a side job, Friday he's cooking for his firehouse's Christmas party, Saturday working at the firehouse during the party and Sunday is a memorial service for a friend he lost. I won't get to see him at all this week, but I understand why. It sucks, as I LOVE spending time with him in any capacity, but you have to pay your bills. I receive my daily phone calls and my text updates so at least I know he cares enough to stay in contact with me when we aren't together.
Oh well. At least I'm being honest with myself, right?
Last but not least, I have to thank Trista. She has dealt with endless rambling about the firefighter for awhile now. I don't remember if she was ever like this with Josh, so I can't even say "you did it too!" I'm thankful that she puts up with me. :-)
Until the next post. Wish me luck!
-Jess
I guess I'm just afraid because there is so much about him that I like. He makes me laugh, inspires me, teaches me new things, is my friend, is supportive and offers suggestions without criticizing, is a hard worker, a good father, a people person, a conversationalist, cooks, cleans, helps friends in need, good looking, athletic. The list really could go on. Does he have faults? Everyone does. His don't scream "run!" the way some other people's have. His biggest fault is his schedule, but that can't really be helped. Take this week for instance: Monday and Tuesday at the firehouse, Wednesday and Thursday night at a side job, Friday he's cooking for his firehouse's Christmas party, Saturday working at the firehouse during the party and Sunday is a memorial service for a friend he lost. I won't get to see him at all this week, but I understand why. It sucks, as I LOVE spending time with him in any capacity, but you have to pay your bills. I receive my daily phone calls and my text updates so at least I know he cares enough to stay in contact with me when we aren't together.
Oh well. At least I'm being honest with myself, right?
Last but not least, I have to thank Trista. She has dealt with endless rambling about the firefighter for awhile now. I don't remember if she was ever like this with Josh, so I can't even say "you did it too!" I'm thankful that she puts up with me. :-)
Until the next post. Wish me luck!
-Jess
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Oh boy
I think I've lost my mind. We all have things in life we hate doing. For me that list would include hand-washing dishes, driving in traffic with people who obviously should have been denied a license and running. Dishes and stupid drivers really can't be avoided but running can be. Why then, I ask, am I pushing myself to run? The answer is simple: If I hate something so much why not push through it? I've always been one to give myself goals, push myself further and work harder than I should. I decided to revisit the couch to 5k program I had started ions ago (and gave up on during day 2) and gave myself the goal of "completing a 5k before my birthday". I've been working hard and my stamina has greatly improved. I still do not enjoy the act of running, but I hate it a little less each day.
Okay, so giving myself more than a half a year was pretty wise of me. It gives me plenty of time to get into the right running shape and do my best, right? Why in the hell am I now considering registering for a 5k at the end of this month (Oct 30th)? I'm clinically insane. That the only reason. So, I've amped up my running and have given myself until the deadline (Oct 23rd) to decide if it's going to happen or not. I'm aware I can walk part of it, but if I'm going to do it I want to do it well.
Life outside of the running challenge has been good. I'm 33lbs down since April, which also puts me at 3 pounds until my lightest post-puberty weight. It's nice to be five sizes down since my final year at Stetson, and it's even nicer to see that some of the things I have in my new size are a little loose in areas as well. I could be on my way to my smallest size ever. It's nice to see my hard work paying off.
I don't remember the numbers that I had assigned the guys I had been talking to from the dating site, but the firefighter with the two-year-old son is the winner. We have been spending a good deal of time together, our friendship grows a little each day and I'm completely in love with his son. We will see how things develop. I know I'm interested to see how things happen.
Babies! Holy cow they are everywhere. Co-workers and old friends seem to be popping them out at record speed. I can't say that I'm turned off by the thought of kids, as I want to be a mother in my lifetime. I can't say that the thought of having babies hasn't crossed my mind because it certainly has. My body is screaming at me to have one while my brain is saying "man and money. Two important parts of baby making!" My doctor actually told me I should start having kids as my body is ready and doing all the things it needs to in order to have children. I'd like to have kids before I'm 30, but other things need to happen before then. Maybe it's because I've been spending time with the firefighter's son, which has been INCREDIBLE, but the "have a baby" feeling has been strong.
That's an update in a nutshell. Until next time.
-Jess
Okay, so giving myself more than a half a year was pretty wise of me. It gives me plenty of time to get into the right running shape and do my best, right? Why in the hell am I now considering registering for a 5k at the end of this month (Oct 30th)? I'm clinically insane. That the only reason. So, I've amped up my running and have given myself until the deadline (Oct 23rd) to decide if it's going to happen or not. I'm aware I can walk part of it, but if I'm going to do it I want to do it well.
Life outside of the running challenge has been good. I'm 33lbs down since April, which also puts me at 3 pounds until my lightest post-puberty weight. It's nice to be five sizes down since my final year at Stetson, and it's even nicer to see that some of the things I have in my new size are a little loose in areas as well. I could be on my way to my smallest size ever. It's nice to see my hard work paying off.
I don't remember the numbers that I had assigned the guys I had been talking to from the dating site, but the firefighter with the two-year-old son is the winner. We have been spending a good deal of time together, our friendship grows a little each day and I'm completely in love with his son. We will see how things develop. I know I'm interested to see how things happen.
Babies! Holy cow they are everywhere. Co-workers and old friends seem to be popping them out at record speed. I can't say that I'm turned off by the thought of kids, as I want to be a mother in my lifetime. I can't say that the thought of having babies hasn't crossed my mind because it certainly has. My body is screaming at me to have one while my brain is saying "man and money. Two important parts of baby making!" My doctor actually told me I should start having kids as my body is ready and doing all the things it needs to in order to have children. I'd like to have kids before I'm 30, but other things need to happen before then. Maybe it's because I've been spending time with the firefighter's son, which has been INCREDIBLE, but the "have a baby" feeling has been strong.
That's an update in a nutshell. Until next time.
-Jess
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Strength and weaknesses
I'm home from the hospital. I called my mother today to inform her that I'd be coming down for dinner. It certainly had been awhile since the last time I saw her. I hang up the phone and get ready to leave. I send a text and all of a sudden she is calling me again.
My grandfather had been in an accident. He's 85 years old and still rides a motor-scooter (similar to a vespa) for enjoyment. Apparently he was on his scooter and wasn't in great shape. He had a broken leg but was stable. They were going to transfer him from Kingston to albany. Okay. Family was already on the way to Albany so mom and I decided we'd wait to go until we found out more.
Each phone call after that moment brought more news. Different news. Worse news. He wasn't airlifted to Albany because he had gone into cardiac arrest. He needed blood transfusions because he was bleeding out. He was on a ventilator and was resuscitated several times. Mom and I drove to Kingston to be with him. By the time we arrived they had already stabilized him enough to drive him to Albany. Upon arriving to Albany Hospital, he was being given CPR again. 20 minutes later, my grandfather was gone.
I sat in the waiting room of the Kingston Hospital offering my mother tissues and making the calls. The doctor who treated him have me his home number in case I had any questions. I didn't cry, didn't stumble. I just did. I cruised through the rest of the night on autopilot. I had my grandfather's personal items in a bag in my purse. I was carrying his teeth and it didn't seem to phase me.
When I left mom's I called Trista to vent a bit and let her know what was going on. I started to tear but hadn't really cried. Now that I'm alone, not so much the case.
My grandfather, while not the best man I've known, was so strong. He was strong-willed, strong-minded and had a strong spirit. He died riding his scooter despite all of the warnings of danger. He died doing something he enjoyed.
Last week, a friend of the family and a former co-worker of mine passed away. She finally lost her battle with cancer. She was, even on the days that were tough, the most positive human being I have ever crossed paths with. She was always optimistic. Always had something good to discuss. All of that strength couldn't manifest itself in the strength needed to beat the cancer.
I'm a strong woman. Strong enough to carry my family through trials such as this. I'm strong enough to work with disabled kids and find joy in the tough days. I'm strong enough to workout and kick my body into shape 4-5 times a week without even thinking twice. If I'm so strong, why can't I be strong enough for myself? Why do I feel so weak right now? Why can I not allow myself to break down and express my heartache to my best friend or even my own mother? Why do I wait until I am alone to allow this moment of weakness?
I'm rambling. It's time to sleep.
http://www.recordonline.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20110820/NEWS0301/308209989/-1/NEWS03 My Grandfather's obituary.
-Jess
My grandfather had been in an accident. He's 85 years old and still rides a motor-scooter (similar to a vespa) for enjoyment. Apparently he was on his scooter and wasn't in great shape. He had a broken leg but was stable. They were going to transfer him from Kingston to albany. Okay. Family was already on the way to Albany so mom and I decided we'd wait to go until we found out more.
Each phone call after that moment brought more news. Different news. Worse news. He wasn't airlifted to Albany because he had gone into cardiac arrest. He needed blood transfusions because he was bleeding out. He was on a ventilator and was resuscitated several times. Mom and I drove to Kingston to be with him. By the time we arrived they had already stabilized him enough to drive him to Albany. Upon arriving to Albany Hospital, he was being given CPR again. 20 minutes later, my grandfather was gone.
I sat in the waiting room of the Kingston Hospital offering my mother tissues and making the calls. The doctor who treated him have me his home number in case I had any questions. I didn't cry, didn't stumble. I just did. I cruised through the rest of the night on autopilot. I had my grandfather's personal items in a bag in my purse. I was carrying his teeth and it didn't seem to phase me.
When I left mom's I called Trista to vent a bit and let her know what was going on. I started to tear but hadn't really cried. Now that I'm alone, not so much the case.
My grandfather, while not the best man I've known, was so strong. He was strong-willed, strong-minded and had a strong spirit. He died riding his scooter despite all of the warnings of danger. He died doing something he enjoyed.
Last week, a friend of the family and a former co-worker of mine passed away. She finally lost her battle with cancer. She was, even on the days that were tough, the most positive human being I have ever crossed paths with. She was always optimistic. Always had something good to discuss. All of that strength couldn't manifest itself in the strength needed to beat the cancer.
I'm a strong woman. Strong enough to carry my family through trials such as this. I'm strong enough to work with disabled kids and find joy in the tough days. I'm strong enough to workout and kick my body into shape 4-5 times a week without even thinking twice. If I'm so strong, why can't I be strong enough for myself? Why do I feel so weak right now? Why can I not allow myself to break down and express my heartache to my best friend or even my own mother? Why do I wait until I am alone to allow this moment of weakness?
I'm rambling. It's time to sleep.
http://www.recordonline.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20110820/NEWS0301/308209989/-1/NEWS03 My Grandfather's obituary.
-Jess
Monday, August 8, 2011
Online dating...again...
I'm telling you, it's tough out there. You pluck, shave, do your makeup just right, buy incredible shoes that make your legs look sexy and yet things still might not work out.
Guy #8 and I are still talking. Yes. Talking. Not meeting. Not seeing each other yet. To me, it's frustrating. We obviously have chemistry. He initiates all of the phone calls and half of the texts. We still have a lot to talk about and plenty in common. Why are we not dating, as the normal progression of male-female relationships would have happen? He says his job has him swamped. Now, I've known from day one that his job keeps him quite busy, however I'm from the school of thought that if you're into a girl, you find time for her. While I like (strike that, REALLY like) guy #8, I'm not getting my hopes up. If it happens, it happens. If not, there has to be someone else, right?
In the meantime, I'm still receiving messages. Let me highlight some of them for you.
Guy #9: (directly copied) i was just perhaps wondering if maybe ur georgus self would be still looking for mr.perfect??its not often a beautiful women of ur natural passion crosses paths with an average guy like me..but maybe that could all change if i may have 5 minutes of ur precious time to show u that ever guy isnt a jerk,but wants to get to know a georgus women as urself for who she really is.thanku&i hope i hear from ur beautiful self soon :)... (Guy #9 was good looking, incredible body, and also a fresh-faced 20 year old.) I replied with a simple "thanks but I'm looking for someone more my age" and thought I was done. Nope, this young tadpole replies with another novel that basically said he understands but is sad that I won't give him a chance. Sorry, kiddo.
Guy #10: OMG UR SO SEXY OMG. This is all you write? No thanks.
Guy #11:You're beautiful. I would love to get to know you. I work in the city for the FD. (Guy # 11 and I are still talking and planning a date soon.)
Guy #12: I am just move here from overseas. You pretty. Make good wife. Please reply me so I know you like be wife. I work for international relations company and teach English. Reply beautiful wife.
Okay, seriously guy #12? How many women do you think are desperate enough to accept an online proposal from someone claiming to teach a language he can barely communicate in? "Oh my, this man wants to marry me! This is my lucky day! We will have nothing in common and will have a difficult time understanding one another but this may be my only shot at finding a husband!" Wow, just typing that made me gag a little bit.
Guy #13: Want to chat? (Replied with "sure" as he's cute and local. Correspondence is slowly [read, painfully] coming along.)
Guy #14: I want to tie you up and whip you. (I want to suggest help...delete!)
Guy #15: I live close, but am looking for someone to be my girlfriend and my personal nurse. See, I have diabetes and am looking for someone to take care of me. My disease makes it hard to work. (Thanks but no thanks.)
Ah, there you have a few of my latest online dating encounters. There was an episode of Sex and the City which outlined the fact that most men are freaks. I can do nothing more than think they've all joined plenty of fish and have stumbled across my profile. Like I said, maybe things will work out with number 8, maybe they won't. Perhaps number 11 will work out. Perhaps I'll have to wait for a new set of outlandish messages before I find one semi-sane individual worthy of my time. Either way, at least it's been pretty entertaining.
-Jess
Guy #8 and I are still talking. Yes. Talking. Not meeting. Not seeing each other yet. To me, it's frustrating. We obviously have chemistry. He initiates all of the phone calls and half of the texts. We still have a lot to talk about and plenty in common. Why are we not dating, as the normal progression of male-female relationships would have happen? He says his job has him swamped. Now, I've known from day one that his job keeps him quite busy, however I'm from the school of thought that if you're into a girl, you find time for her. While I like (strike that, REALLY like) guy #8, I'm not getting my hopes up. If it happens, it happens. If not, there has to be someone else, right?
In the meantime, I'm still receiving messages. Let me highlight some of them for you.
Guy #9: (directly copied) i was just perhaps wondering if maybe ur georgus self would be still looking for mr.perfect??its not often a beautiful women of ur natural passion crosses paths with an average guy like me..but maybe that could all change if i may have 5 minutes of ur precious time to show u that ever guy isnt a jerk,but wants to get to know a georgus women as urself for who she really is.thanku&i hope i hear from ur beautiful self soon :)... (Guy #9 was good looking, incredible body, and also a fresh-faced 20 year old.) I replied with a simple "thanks but I'm looking for someone more my age" and thought I was done. Nope, this young tadpole replies with another novel that basically said he understands but is sad that I won't give him a chance. Sorry, kiddo.
Guy #10: OMG UR SO SEXY OMG. This is all you write? No thanks.
Guy #11:You're beautiful. I would love to get to know you. I work in the city for the FD. (Guy # 11 and I are still talking and planning a date soon.)
Guy #12: I am just move here from overseas. You pretty. Make good wife. Please reply me so I know you like be wife. I work for international relations company and teach English. Reply beautiful wife.
Okay, seriously guy #12? How many women do you think are desperate enough to accept an online proposal from someone claiming to teach a language he can barely communicate in? "Oh my, this man wants to marry me! This is my lucky day! We will have nothing in common and will have a difficult time understanding one another but this may be my only shot at finding a husband!" Wow, just typing that made me gag a little bit.
Guy #13: Want to chat? (Replied with "sure" as he's cute and local. Correspondence is slowly [read, painfully] coming along.)
Guy #14: I want to tie you up and whip you. (I want to suggest help...delete!)
Guy #15: I live close, but am looking for someone to be my girlfriend and my personal nurse. See, I have diabetes and am looking for someone to take care of me. My disease makes it hard to work. (Thanks but no thanks.)
Ah, there you have a few of my latest online dating encounters. There was an episode of Sex and the City which outlined the fact that most men are freaks. I can do nothing more than think they've all joined plenty of fish and have stumbled across my profile. Like I said, maybe things will work out with number 8, maybe they won't. Perhaps number 11 will work out. Perhaps I'll have to wait for a new set of outlandish messages before I find one semi-sane individual worthy of my time. Either way, at least it's been pretty entertaining.
-Jess
Friday, July 1, 2011
The truth about online dating.
Those who know me have heard stories about where I live. A tiny town in farm country, NY, which is comprised primarily of cows and conservative farmers. Not exactly the best place to find a significant other, I've turned to online dating. (People at work simply are NOT an option.)
I had turned to online dating at first because of my Aunt's persistence. I met a few guys and ended up with Jordan. After that ended, I decided to give it another go.
I updated my profile, added some new, post-zumba photos and let time do the rest. This time around I received MANY messages. This is where things get interesting.
Guy #1: "I have four cats and love them more than my family. I live alone but not really alone because my cats keep me company when I'm home!"
Guy #2: "Yo shawty, whaz hott?"
Guy #3: "I'm big into Marshall arts. My sister just had a doughter. Do any of your sisters have doughters?"
Guy #4: "I'm a manager of a rental car chain. I am close to my family and adore my baby nephew. Let's do dinner and a movie on Friday!" *calls when I'm 1/2 way there, excuse given, don't hear from him again.*
Guy #5: "I'd love to get to know you. How was your weekend?" *reply sent, haven't heard back in a month.*
Guy #6: "All I want is sex. If you're down for that hit me up. You're good looking, I'm good looking and we can just Fu*k all the time."
Guy #7: "Yeah, I participated in the Highland games this year. I loved it and hope to participate again. If you give me your number I'll give you a call sometime." *number given, no call received.*
Guy #8: "I love family. I'm at a point in my life where I want to settle down. Do you want kids? Our birthdays are two days apart? You're beautiful and I can't stop thinking about you."
Guy #8 and I are still talking, still hitting it off and hopefully things will progress nicely. We talk every day and sometimes I'll get a text from him while he's at work, just saying hi and seeing how my day is. He's kind and considerate and we have a good deal in common.
As for #s 1-7...
Weirdos. I know I'm picky, but if you continually misspell words like DAUGHTER then we simply will not work. Also, while the idea of a booty call is great, I'm looking for more.
I also did not list the men who were over the age of 50 who have messaged me. It's just ridiculous.
Online dating has allowed me to meet new people, a couple of which I have remained friends with. I'm just hoping I'll have more luck this go-round and not end up in another dead-end relationship with someone who is afraid of what's to come.
Wish me luck!
-Jess
I had turned to online dating at first because of my Aunt's persistence. I met a few guys and ended up with Jordan. After that ended, I decided to give it another go.
I updated my profile, added some new, post-zumba photos and let time do the rest. This time around I received MANY messages. This is where things get interesting.
Guy #1: "I have four cats and love them more than my family. I live alone but not really alone because my cats keep me company when I'm home!"
Guy #2: "Yo shawty, whaz hott?"
Guy #3: "I'm big into Marshall arts. My sister just had a doughter. Do any of your sisters have doughters?"
Guy #4: "I'm a manager of a rental car chain. I am close to my family and adore my baby nephew. Let's do dinner and a movie on Friday!" *calls when I'm 1/2 way there, excuse given, don't hear from him again.*
Guy #5: "I'd love to get to know you. How was your weekend?" *reply sent, haven't heard back in a month.*
Guy #6: "All I want is sex. If you're down for that hit me up. You're good looking, I'm good looking and we can just Fu*k all the time."
Guy #7: "Yeah, I participated in the Highland games this year. I loved it and hope to participate again. If you give me your number I'll give you a call sometime." *number given, no call received.*
Guy #8: "I love family. I'm at a point in my life where I want to settle down. Do you want kids? Our birthdays are two days apart? You're beautiful and I can't stop thinking about you."
Guy #8 and I are still talking, still hitting it off and hopefully things will progress nicely. We talk every day and sometimes I'll get a text from him while he's at work, just saying hi and seeing how my day is. He's kind and considerate and we have a good deal in common.
As for #s 1-7...
Weirdos. I know I'm picky, but if you continually misspell words like DAUGHTER then we simply will not work. Also, while the idea of a booty call is great, I'm looking for more.
I also did not list the men who were over the age of 50 who have messaged me. It's just ridiculous.
Online dating has allowed me to meet new people, a couple of which I have remained friends with. I'm just hoping I'll have more luck this go-round and not end up in another dead-end relationship with someone who is afraid of what's to come.
Wish me luck!
-Jess
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Rock Star!
Yea, you read the title correctly. I am a rock star. Let me tell you why:
I have managed to lose 18 pounds and am down to my high school pants size. It's refreshing to put on the pair of capris I have and actually feel comfortable in them. I've been stuck at the 18 pound mark, but I'm hoping time will help shed some more.
For the most part I've been attending three Zumba classes a week and hitting the employee gym twice a week. It's definitely helped maintain my energy level and has helped to solidify a budding friendship between myself and my supervisor. She has been attending the Zumba classes with me and I have talked her into coming to the gym with me as well. I'm glad we have become such good friends. I'm actually going to prom (the one we hold for out graduating students) with her, so that should be a good time.
Work has been pretty wonderful. Changes are underway and they are all thanks in part to an anonymous letter that was submitted by yours truly. Raises are in the works and lots of opportunities to further our career are going to be offered. I'm also 20% vested in my company's retirement plan as of this year, which was nice to see.
Family relations are at an all-time-high. I've spent quite a bit of time with the Ropke side of the family lately and I love every minute. I look forward to seeing them and hate leaving!
Romantically things have been interesting. I was hit on by a co-worker but he is not really compatible with me so I had to turn him down. I was flattered, however. Jamie (my supervisor) has her eye out for a man for me. Let's see what it brings.
Anyway, quick update on life is complete. Until next time. :-)
-Jess
I have managed to lose 18 pounds and am down to my high school pants size. It's refreshing to put on the pair of capris I have and actually feel comfortable in them. I've been stuck at the 18 pound mark, but I'm hoping time will help shed some more.
For the most part I've been attending three Zumba classes a week and hitting the employee gym twice a week. It's definitely helped maintain my energy level and has helped to solidify a budding friendship between myself and my supervisor. She has been attending the Zumba classes with me and I have talked her into coming to the gym with me as well. I'm glad we have become such good friends. I'm actually going to prom (the one we hold for out graduating students) with her, so that should be a good time.
Work has been pretty wonderful. Changes are underway and they are all thanks in part to an anonymous letter that was submitted by yours truly. Raises are in the works and lots of opportunities to further our career are going to be offered. I'm also 20% vested in my company's retirement plan as of this year, which was nice to see.
Family relations are at an all-time-high. I've spent quite a bit of time with the Ropke side of the family lately and I love every minute. I look forward to seeing them and hate leaving!
Romantically things have been interesting. I was hit on by a co-worker but he is not really compatible with me so I had to turn him down. I was flattered, however. Jamie (my supervisor) has her eye out for a man for me. Let's see what it brings.
Anyway, quick update on life is complete. Until next time. :-)
-Jess
Friday, April 1, 2011
Family
Tomorrow is my baby niece Cara's christening. I'm very excited that I'm able to go, as it's affording me opportunities to meet and reconnect with family. I have never met Cara or her older brother Connor (2) and I'm excited to get to know them. I've seen pictures and videos of them both and am convinced that they are equally as cool as my older niece and nephews.
I will get to see my sister and brothers (and wonderful in-laws of various sexes) for the first time in months, and that is always a plus for me. I've been very fortunate in my relationships with my siblings. Although they are all (with the exception of my adopted sister Joanne) half-blood relation, we get along really well and genuinely care about one another. I love being in the company of such diverse and incredible people, and I'm glad to be part of their family.
I will also be seeing Joanne for the first time in two decades tomorrow. I'm not sure if she remembers me or even cares to, but I'm interested in getting to know yet another (albeit distant) sibling. I'll let you know how this goes.
While talking to my sister Heather, she mentioned that my brother Josh will be coming home (from TX) the week before Easter. The last time I saw him was 2003 for my grandfather's funeral, as we managed to miss one another by an hour the last time he visited. I'm hoping I get to visit with him a bit, but my plans with Trista come first as they have been set for months and I'm not one to change things around.
I'm very excited about tomorrow and am hoping to share lots of stories with you. :-)
-Jess
I will get to see my sister and brothers (and wonderful in-laws of various sexes) for the first time in months, and that is always a plus for me. I've been very fortunate in my relationships with my siblings. Although they are all (with the exception of my adopted sister Joanne) half-blood relation, we get along really well and genuinely care about one another. I love being in the company of such diverse and incredible people, and I'm glad to be part of their family.
I will also be seeing Joanne for the first time in two decades tomorrow. I'm not sure if she remembers me or even cares to, but I'm interested in getting to know yet another (albeit distant) sibling. I'll let you know how this goes.
While talking to my sister Heather, she mentioned that my brother Josh will be coming home (from TX) the week before Easter. The last time I saw him was 2003 for my grandfather's funeral, as we managed to miss one another by an hour the last time he visited. I'm hoping I get to visit with him a bit, but my plans with Trista come first as they have been set for months and I'm not one to change things around.
I'm very excited about tomorrow and am hoping to share lots of stories with you. :-)
-Jess
Saturday, March 12, 2011
Just for fun
What I find endlessly attractive in a man:
All of Gerard Butler...lol
Eric Bana is nice to look at too.
Yep, him too.
Man-thighs are great. (I need to marry a Scottish man!)
Man-hands. Yum!
A nice, full, well maintained beard.
It's the little things, no?
-Jess
All of Gerard Butler...lol
Eric Bana is nice to look at too.
Yep, him too.
Man-thighs are great. (I need to marry a Scottish man!)
Man-hands. Yum!
A nice, full, well maintained beard.
It's the little things, no?
-Jess
Journey to a healthier me
The past few months have been filled with doctor's appointments and some health-related worries. When I went for my yearly gynecological visit I found out that my blood pressure was through the roof. It was something like 167/93 (or possibly 163/97, both awful) and led to my doctor saying "holy crap your pressure is off the charts!" was I under stress? Of course, who isn't? It certainly was not enough stress to cause my body to react in such a way. My exam went well and we decided to end my once wonderful relationship with the nuvaring and go sans-birth control for the first time in ten years. My doctor said she wanted to see if it was the nuvaring that was causing the blood pressure spike and scheduled me for blood work and a pressure check for the following week. That one appointment really had me think about my lifestyle and the things I was doing to my body. In general I eat a well-balanced diet. I try to eat lean proteins, whole grains and limited fats. Do I splurge? Of course! When I have my period there is nothing that I want more than McDonalds fries! I just try not to splurge often. My lifestyle isn't overly sedentary. I am on my feet for at least 5 of my 7 hours at work and that isn't counting the walking/running/lifting/SCIP (ways of using your body to help contain aggressive behaviors) that I do throughout the day. I average 6000 steps a day at work. Some days are far more (the most I've logged was 13000) and some are less (on days we can't go outside because of weather it's about 3000) but I move a lot. I come home and play with coda, take him on walks when the weather is good and do some general house-related tasks before sitting down and relaxing. Why was my body not cooperating with my lifestyle? I picked up my book on PCOS and started to read again. That's when I decided to get control of my body and make it work with me. My follow-up with my gyno confirmed that the nuvaring had elevated my blood pressure. She wants me off birth control for a year before deciding if an IUD or the depo shot would be best for me. I then asked her to refer me to an endocrinologist so I could discuss my PCOS and med treatments more thoroughly. At my endocrinology appointment my blood pressure was fantastic. I brought up the use of two different drugs, both of which were okayed after some discussion, a physical and a 6 week follow-up scheduled. The one drug I am hoping works is called metformin (glucophage) and is traditionally used to treat people with type-two diabetes. I'm sure you're thinking "what does that have to do with polycystic ovaries?" According to the studies on PCOS, many women have problems with weight gain because our bodies do not process insulin correctly. Women with PCOS have a higher risk of diabetes, heart attack and stroke because of the hormone imbalances, weight gain an insulin resistance. Metformin has been prescribed to women like me who have tried to lose weight but cannot. It helps our bodies process our food better and therefore leads to less fat being stored. I've been on it for only 5 days and am only on 1/3 of my actual dosage so it's still too early to say if it's working. I have, however, started keeping track of everything I eat and all the exercise I'm doing since my first gynecology appointment, and am down 12.5 pounds. I'm still in my typical weight-loss range, and am not expecting to get to my high school weight (the thinnest I've been since puberty) easily. I've not really changed what I eat (except I am eating breakfast now) but rather how much and when I am eating. I'm trying to teach my body that smaller meals more frequently is better than no breakfast and two enormous meals. I've been doing zumba at least three times a week (this week was tough due to heat problems in the house) and have been doing some calisthenics and time with the weighted hula hoop. Here is hoping that keeping up with this lifestyle change will help my body self-correct. All I know is I'm glad it's almost hiking season. I can't wait to do some serious calorie burning on my favorite trails!
-Jess
-Jess
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Stop the whining
I have a friend from high school named Jessica. We had lost touch when I went to college but have reconnected over the years via Facebook. She has made some decisions I don't agree with (getting pregnant in high school (she lost the baby to SIDS), having three more kids with fathers who aren't around or are in jail) yet I've been listening to her troubles and I'm done.
She is currently complaining about her job situation. Jessica had worked at Winn-Dixie for a number of years and while I'm not certain why that job ended I know that since then (3 years now?) she has not had a job. She has managed to get pregnant and have another child but can't seem to find employment of any kind. She finally found a job at Lowes yet can no longer work because she can't find babysitters for her three kids. She does nothing but complain about having no money yet she is living in section 8 housing at basically no cost to her thanks to the Florida government, she and her kids receive state provided healthcare, she receives unemployment benefits and food-stamps. She has Internet and cable, food on her table every month, healthy kids and she gets to sit on her ass the whole time instead of having to work for these benefits. She essentially earns more than I do by not working.
I sometimes quip about how I'm broke but I bust my ass for my $9.50 an hour. I pay for my own healthcare because the state of NY was no help to me when I was jobless. I make exactly $1020 a month to live off of. I pay $450 a month in rent, $120 for gas (sometimes more depending on weather and prices), $110 for the cell phones for my mom and I, $20 for Netflix, $50 for car insurance because mom is nice enough to pay the rest, I have to set aside money for my electric bill that falls every other month ($50) and then I have to set aside money for propane ($100) bringing me near my total income every month. I also have had emergency expenses come up, doctor's co-pays, prescription costs and the possibility of grocery shopping factor in. I gave up Internet, cable, a house phone, my ice skating lessons and practice as well as entertainment out because I couldn't afford it. My most recent propane bill is over $700 which is going to take me forever to pay off. I need 4 new tires. I don't bitch and complain about how I'm entitled to so much more because I make what I have work. If I want a luxury, I forego groceries or find a way to make enough money to purchase it. I wanted to buy my mom something for her birthday last year so I sold my A clarinet on eBay. I've tried to receive state help but even when I was working part-time as a sub, I made too much and since I have no kids they couldn't help me. I receive $600 in heating assistance from NY in the winter yet my total winter propane costs equal about $1400. People making twice my salary receive the same benefit. There have been days I have used banked time because I didn't have enough gas in my car to get to work. I make my situation work, she needs to figure out a way to make hers work. Trista is coming up in April. I want to do things with her so I'm saving money now. I'm planning on pulling some extra hours in the residence so I can have fun over break. I am doing what I need to do. I just wish the rest of society would do the same.
Is it wrong of me to wish people receiving such benefits to shut the hell up and do something about it?
-Jess
She is currently complaining about her job situation. Jessica had worked at Winn-Dixie for a number of years and while I'm not certain why that job ended I know that since then (3 years now?) she has not had a job. She has managed to get pregnant and have another child but can't seem to find employment of any kind. She finally found a job at Lowes yet can no longer work because she can't find babysitters for her three kids. She does nothing but complain about having no money yet she is living in section 8 housing at basically no cost to her thanks to the Florida government, she and her kids receive state provided healthcare, she receives unemployment benefits and food-stamps. She has Internet and cable, food on her table every month, healthy kids and she gets to sit on her ass the whole time instead of having to work for these benefits. She essentially earns more than I do by not working.
I sometimes quip about how I'm broke but I bust my ass for my $9.50 an hour. I pay for my own healthcare because the state of NY was no help to me when I was jobless. I make exactly $1020 a month to live off of. I pay $450 a month in rent, $120 for gas (sometimes more depending on weather and prices), $110 for the cell phones for my mom and I, $20 for Netflix, $50 for car insurance because mom is nice enough to pay the rest, I have to set aside money for my electric bill that falls every other month ($50) and then I have to set aside money for propane ($100) bringing me near my total income every month. I also have had emergency expenses come up, doctor's co-pays, prescription costs and the possibility of grocery shopping factor in. I gave up Internet, cable, a house phone, my ice skating lessons and practice as well as entertainment out because I couldn't afford it. My most recent propane bill is over $700 which is going to take me forever to pay off. I need 4 new tires. I don't bitch and complain about how I'm entitled to so much more because I make what I have work. If I want a luxury, I forego groceries or find a way to make enough money to purchase it. I wanted to buy my mom something for her birthday last year so I sold my A clarinet on eBay. I've tried to receive state help but even when I was working part-time as a sub, I made too much and since I have no kids they couldn't help me. I receive $600 in heating assistance from NY in the winter yet my total winter propane costs equal about $1400. People making twice my salary receive the same benefit. There have been days I have used banked time because I didn't have enough gas in my car to get to work. I make my situation work, she needs to figure out a way to make hers work. Trista is coming up in April. I want to do things with her so I'm saving money now. I'm planning on pulling some extra hours in the residence so I can have fun over break. I am doing what I need to do. I just wish the rest of society would do the same.
Is it wrong of me to wish people receiving such benefits to shut the hell up and do something about it?
-Jess
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Frustrated.
I'm aware I haven't posted in awhile and while plenty of other topics have come to mind, I feel as though I need to vent my frustration about a recent incident first.
Setting: My living room, watching Glee. I get a text message while on the phone with mom. I ignore it until I'm done only to realize it's a text from Jordan. He wants to come up and get snowed in with me and wants to "fuck me hard."
Rewind! What?! After about ten minutes of texting he says "relax, no harm no foul." Obviously Jordan had and continues to have no idea who I am as a person. No matter how lonely I am or how badly I feel as though I need sex, I cannot forget being treated like shit and invite an ex over. I may not say it every day but I sure do feel it: I am worth more. If you miss me, it's your fault. You had your chance and blew it, and I will not take you back. I am not one of those girls that breaks up with someone 20 times only to get back together with them each time. Don't give me a reason to break up with you and we will stay together. If I break up with you it's because I can picture my life without you and it looks good.
Moral of the story? Treat a woman right the first time around and you won't be sending highly inappropriate texts months after she dumps your slacker ass.
Anyway, on to the rest of my life...
*deep breath*
Winter sucks. A lot. My tires have lasted about a year and are in dire need of being replaced. In the meantime, I'm accruing a day of sick time a month and am having to risk my life driving down my mountain in awful weather on snow days until this upcoming pay day when I will have actually saved enough money from my measly pay to buy snows. Of course this means that this has been the snowiest winter. Ever. We had a snow day today (I used my only banked day) and will most likely have one again tomorrow. Considering it's supposed to snow another 8-10 inches plus an inch of ice, I'm going to brave the waters and probably go into "no-pay" time. What's worse, I don't work a day or I don't work again because I'm dead? That's what I thought.
My baby sister has turned 13. I feel old.
That is all for now. My brain isn't functioning.
-Jess
Setting: My living room, watching Glee. I get a text message while on the phone with mom. I ignore it until I'm done only to realize it's a text from Jordan. He wants to come up and get snowed in with me and wants to "fuck me hard."
Rewind! What?! After about ten minutes of texting he says "relax, no harm no foul." Obviously Jordan had and continues to have no idea who I am as a person. No matter how lonely I am or how badly I feel as though I need sex, I cannot forget being treated like shit and invite an ex over. I may not say it every day but I sure do feel it: I am worth more. If you miss me, it's your fault. You had your chance and blew it, and I will not take you back. I am not one of those girls that breaks up with someone 20 times only to get back together with them each time. Don't give me a reason to break up with you and we will stay together. If I break up with you it's because I can picture my life without you and it looks good.
Moral of the story? Treat a woman right the first time around and you won't be sending highly inappropriate texts months after she dumps your slacker ass.
Anyway, on to the rest of my life...
*deep breath*
Winter sucks. A lot. My tires have lasted about a year and are in dire need of being replaced. In the meantime, I'm accruing a day of sick time a month and am having to risk my life driving down my mountain in awful weather on snow days until this upcoming pay day when I will have actually saved enough money from my measly pay to buy snows. Of course this means that this has been the snowiest winter. Ever. We had a snow day today (I used my only banked day) and will most likely have one again tomorrow. Considering it's supposed to snow another 8-10 inches plus an inch of ice, I'm going to brave the waters and probably go into "no-pay" time. What's worse, I don't work a day or I don't work again because I'm dead? That's what I thought.
My baby sister has turned 13. I feel old.
That is all for now. My brain isn't functioning.
-Jess
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