Random thoughts

This post will probably be all over the place, but I figure it's best to get the thoughts out of my head while I can. :-)

MTV has a new show, and I am really upset with it. It's called "16 and Pregnant" and it chronicles the lives of teenage parents. So far, I've watched 5 episodes. 4 of the 5 teens kept the baby. The one I watched today made me cry, because the parents decided to give the baby up for adoption. The parents were FURIOUS, yet they themselves couldn't provide a stable home environment for the teenage parents. The teens were wise beyond their years, and sadly had to be parents to their own parents. To be selfless and not to think about yourself but the well-being of your child is a difficult thing, but I commend this couple for what they did. For the other episodes of the show, it almost glorified children having children. What will our youth learn from these shows? Oh, it's okay to be a teenage parent? Mom and Dad will take care of my little family? I know it's a growing problem, but really? Do we need to televise it? Why not televise all of the ADULT parents who are struggling to provide for their kids? The ones who waited, and still don't have everything in order. Show our youth that even if you try to plan a child, it doesn't always work out the way you want it to. Raising a child is difficult, emotionally, physically as well as monetarily. Ugh...

Today was a hiking day for me. We (Bek, Bree, Jill, Olivia and I) went up to North/South Lake (a state park/camp ground) to hike up to artist's rock (for lunch) then to continue on to sunset rock. We had a good time and really enjoyed the fact that the sun wasn't beating down on us. (It was pretty cloudy for the most part, and it threatened to rain on us a number of times.) We finished our hike at North/South Lake and continued on to Kaaterskill Falls. Kaaterskill falls is the tallest waterfall in the state, and it is by far one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen. It's a half mile from the road to the base of the falls, and it's all steps. Literally. Try walking up stairs that go up a solid 75 degrees and are nothing but mud, rocks and roots. Try doing that for a half mile. Try doing that while your legs are feeling like jell-o because of the 4 miles you just hiked prior. Yeah, it sounds like hell, no? It's not. (hehe) It's actually a really fun time. Once we got to the base of the fall itself, we climbed some rocks and positioned ourself under the cascading water. It seriously felt amazing. Talk about a great massage. We walked back down, changed clothes (behind the car and a towel) and drove home. Once ice cream stop and we were home. My body hurts, and I ended up with a charlie horse in my shoulder while trying to hook my bra. It was totally worth it. I really enjoy hiking, and definitely wouldn't trade it for anything. Perhaps this is why my mother would like me to marry a forest ranger.

Colorado is right around the corner and I'm beyond excited. I have already decided on a number of things to do while we are there, and I'm only hoping that the schedule permits all of it! I want to take the railroad up to Pike's Peak, which is supposed to be phenomenal. The Garden of the Gods is also supposed to be amazing. There is Seven Falls (259 steps from the bottom to the top, but it's GORGEOUS and recognized by National Geographic, which definitely piques my interest), Cave of the Winds, Royal Gorge Bridge (country's highest suspension bridge at 1,054 feet), and of course, rafting the Arkansas river. We have 8 days to have our fun and see our figure skating stuff, but I'm excited. I still have to pack! We leave on Saturday (technically Sunday, but we're staying in Newark the night before since our flight is at 4:00AM) and I've not even started the packing process. I'm such a procrastinator. It'll be okay though, I'll make it work.

Anyways, I'm out for the night. I have to go let my dog out, then head down to mom's. I have to spend the night so she can take Olivia to skating at 7 in the morning. Joy!

Should I feel bad?

My day was pretty interesting. I woke up, gave my mother the list of things we needed at the playhouse. I get a phone call from one of my kitchen kids saying that she cannot come in until 9:00 instead of 7:00. Not a big deal, I'd cover for her. Shortly after I hang up, Norman calls me. "Since you're so unhappy here, you don't have to come in this week. Your replacement is here and I think we're good." Okay, Norman. Have fun.

My mother is pissed, but said she's not going to say anything because she needs the job. He wouldn't even let me finish my rightful two-weeks. Whatever. How is he going to train the new girl? If he was smart about things, he would have had her shadow me the entire week. Yes, I'd like to see Norman suffer, but not the playhouse.

My mother went up tonight to drop off the stuff she shopped for, and to bake the cakes and such for the week. What does she see? The bar is a disaster. Instead of having the three white wines in one sink full of ice, the girl has all the sinks full of ice, and one bottle in each sink. This leaves her no dump sink for mistakes, empties or washing utensils. Her juices aren't out as well. This I could have prevented. Two new guys are scheduled for Cabaret, and had I been there I could have gone over things needed with them. Our Cabaret starts at about 10:15. Our coffee urns must be up and running by 7:00 in order to have hot, coffee colored coffee by 10:15. If not, it's ice cold and looks like weak tea. The urns were not on when my mother left at 9:30. I could have prevented that. There was no bread or cookies for the actors. I usually made the wal-mart runs for that. There was no produce. I did that as well. We have a matinee lunch for 106 tomorrow morning that I coordinate. How is someone who has never done a matinee lunch, with new kitchen kids who also have never done them, going to manage a crowd that is over our usual number of guests? How is she going to over-see the resetting of a tavern she, herself, has never set? It's not something I learned overnight, so how can he expect someone unfamiliar with the entire playhouse to grasp onto something that is complex? (I hung out for a year before working it, and even then, I shadowed Gibbs for a couple of weeks.) I chuckle at the fact that not allowing me to finish my final week was a mistake. Norman didn't think things through. He asked my mother if she could do the wal-mart and produce runs and she said "No. Jessica did that. I don't have the time." Now he's S.O.L, and running around frantically trying to put things together. I was going to put in a liquor order today, but left the number at my house, instead of in my purse like I normally have it. I had planned on heading up to my house before work to place an order, but then I got the phone call. A big F-YOU to Norman now, as he has no Pinot Grigio, two bottles of Merlot and no idea of which liquor company to call. He also doesn't know what beer we get from the beer guy, so that should be interesting.

I also know that if I do not get my full two weeks worth of salary, I am going to raise a big stink. I will take him down if he refuses. There are a number of labor law infractions I can call him out on, and will not think twice about doing so. (The fact that we do not get an actual break while working 12+ hour days is but one...)

Call me bitter, call me a bitch. I'm a person who was thoroughly disrespected, and who takes great pleasure in knowing that I did something at the playhouse.

And end to the negative.

I finally did it. I stood up for myself and would not back down. After more than a month of being told I do not work hard and that I can't manage people and that basically I'm worthless, I gave my two week notice to Norman today. I love the playhouse and tried to make it to Richard's first year, but I couldn't subject myself to the emotional abuse anymore. The latest was being yelled at over bug juice. I don't get paid enough for that. I put a job with benefits on hold to be here and what did it get me? Ridicule. I'm going to list some of the things I did this season:

Cooked a full meal for 50+ people.
Cooked parts of meals.
Scheduling.
Ordering liquor.
Ordering beer.
Ordering linens.
Ordering soda products.
Totalling time sheets.
Hauling trash.
Hauling tables.
Digging through trash to find a lost beef roast.
Digging through a dumpster to find a lost ratchet strap.
Cleaning bathrooms.
Cleaning the tavern.
Cleaning the kitchen.
Cleaning the backstage rooms.
Ordering produce.
Shopping at walmart.
Bartending.
Managing the cabaret.
Cashering.

I was told I don't work hard. Fuck you, Norman.

I will miss the people and the good memories. I will not miss the tyrant.

Sober Dreaming

I know that I am the queen of the random dream. I understand that sometimes I have random dreams after I've been partying. What I don't understand is the dream I had lastnight.

I was pregnant. VERY pregnant. I was days away from my due date. I had no idea what the sex of my baby was, but I was thinking that it was a girl because I wasn't carrying low. I had one of those "Baby Story" stomachs with the random outtie belly button that I normally don't have. I have NO clue who the father was because his name wasn't spoken throughout the entire dream, nor did his face make an appearance. There was no ring on my finger, yet my mother seemed perfectly content with the pregnancy. I was living in a different house, although it was still decorated in a way that screamed "me." I remember visiting my Aunt Lisa, only to find out that my cousin Jill (16 years old) had just recently given birth. I was so upset that a) I didn't know that she was even pregnant and b) she's a teenage mother. I go home upset, and that's when the pain begins. It wasn't labor pain, as it was pain that I was able to endure, but it was an odd sensation that made me beg that I was in labor, thinking maybe it'd go away then. It was almost like the baby was pushing down, trying to break my water. I just breathed deeply and looked around the house. No baby clothes or items anywhere. Were they all in a designated room? I'm not sure. I just focused on breathing.

I woke up.

What the hell?