I'm home from the hospital. I called my mother today to inform her that I'd be coming down for dinner. It certainly had been awhile since the last time I saw her. I hang up the phone and get ready to leave. I send a text and all of a sudden she is calling me again.
My grandfather had been in an accident. He's 85 years old and still rides a motor-scooter (similar to a vespa) for enjoyment. Apparently he was on his scooter and wasn't in great shape. He had a broken leg but was stable. They were going to transfer him from Kingston to albany. Okay. Family was already on the way to Albany so mom and I decided we'd wait to go until we found out more.
Each phone call after that moment brought more news. Different news. Worse news. He wasn't airlifted to Albany because he had gone into cardiac arrest. He needed blood transfusions because he was bleeding out. He was on a ventilator and was resuscitated several times. Mom and I drove to Kingston to be with him. By the time we arrived they had already stabilized him enough to drive him to Albany. Upon arriving to Albany Hospital, he was being given CPR again. 20 minutes later, my grandfather was gone.
I sat in the waiting room of the Kingston Hospital offering my mother tissues and making the calls. The doctor who treated him have me his home number in case I had any questions. I didn't cry, didn't stumble. I just did. I cruised through the rest of the night on autopilot. I had my grandfather's personal items in a bag in my purse. I was carrying his teeth and it didn't seem to phase me.
When I left mom's I called Trista to vent a bit and let her know what was going on. I started to tear but hadn't really cried. Now that I'm alone, not so much the case.
My grandfather, while not the best man I've known, was so strong. He was strong-willed, strong-minded and had a strong spirit. He died riding his scooter despite all of the warnings of danger. He died doing something he enjoyed.
Last week, a friend of the family and a former co-worker of mine passed away. She finally lost her battle with cancer. She was, even on the days that were tough, the most positive human being I have ever crossed paths with. She was always optimistic. Always had something good to discuss. All of that strength couldn't manifest itself in the strength needed to beat the cancer.
I'm a strong woman. Strong enough to carry my family through trials such as this. I'm strong enough to work with disabled kids and find joy in the tough days. I'm strong enough to workout and kick my body into shape 4-5 times a week without even thinking twice. If I'm so strong, why can't I be strong enough for myself? Why do I feel so weak right now? Why can I not allow myself to break down and express my heartache to my best friend or even my own mother? Why do I wait until I am alone to allow this moment of weakness?
I'm rambling. It's time to sleep.
http://www.recordonline.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20110820/NEWS0301/308209989/-1/NEWS03 My Grandfather's obituary.
-Jess
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Monday, August 8, 2011
Online dating...again...
I'm telling you, it's tough out there. You pluck, shave, do your makeup just right, buy incredible shoes that make your legs look sexy and yet things still might not work out.
Guy #8 and I are still talking. Yes. Talking. Not meeting. Not seeing each other yet. To me, it's frustrating. We obviously have chemistry. He initiates all of the phone calls and half of the texts. We still have a lot to talk about and plenty in common. Why are we not dating, as the normal progression of male-female relationships would have happen? He says his job has him swamped. Now, I've known from day one that his job keeps him quite busy, however I'm from the school of thought that if you're into a girl, you find time for her. While I like (strike that, REALLY like) guy #8, I'm not getting my hopes up. If it happens, it happens. If not, there has to be someone else, right?
In the meantime, I'm still receiving messages. Let me highlight some of them for you.
Guy #9: (directly copied) i was just perhaps wondering if maybe ur georgus self would be still looking for mr.perfect??its not often a beautiful women of ur natural passion crosses paths with an average guy like me..but maybe that could all change if i may have 5 minutes of ur precious time to show u that ever guy isnt a jerk,but wants to get to know a georgus women as urself for who she really is.thanku&i hope i hear from ur beautiful self soon :)... (Guy #9 was good looking, incredible body, and also a fresh-faced 20 year old.) I replied with a simple "thanks but I'm looking for someone more my age" and thought I was done. Nope, this young tadpole replies with another novel that basically said he understands but is sad that I won't give him a chance. Sorry, kiddo.
Guy #10: OMG UR SO SEXY OMG. This is all you write? No thanks.
Guy #11:You're beautiful. I would love to get to know you. I work in the city for the FD. (Guy # 11 and I are still talking and planning a date soon.)
Guy #12: I am just move here from overseas. You pretty. Make good wife. Please reply me so I know you like be wife. I work for international relations company and teach English. Reply beautiful wife.
Okay, seriously guy #12? How many women do you think are desperate enough to accept an online proposal from someone claiming to teach a language he can barely communicate in? "Oh my, this man wants to marry me! This is my lucky day! We will have nothing in common and will have a difficult time understanding one another but this may be my only shot at finding a husband!" Wow, just typing that made me gag a little bit.
Guy #13: Want to chat? (Replied with "sure" as he's cute and local. Correspondence is slowly [read, painfully] coming along.)
Guy #14: I want to tie you up and whip you. (I want to suggest help...delete!)
Guy #15: I live close, but am looking for someone to be my girlfriend and my personal nurse. See, I have diabetes and am looking for someone to take care of me. My disease makes it hard to work. (Thanks but no thanks.)
Ah, there you have a few of my latest online dating encounters. There was an episode of Sex and the City which outlined the fact that most men are freaks. I can do nothing more than think they've all joined plenty of fish and have stumbled across my profile. Like I said, maybe things will work out with number 8, maybe they won't. Perhaps number 11 will work out. Perhaps I'll have to wait for a new set of outlandish messages before I find one semi-sane individual worthy of my time. Either way, at least it's been pretty entertaining.
-Jess
Guy #8 and I are still talking. Yes. Talking. Not meeting. Not seeing each other yet. To me, it's frustrating. We obviously have chemistry. He initiates all of the phone calls and half of the texts. We still have a lot to talk about and plenty in common. Why are we not dating, as the normal progression of male-female relationships would have happen? He says his job has him swamped. Now, I've known from day one that his job keeps him quite busy, however I'm from the school of thought that if you're into a girl, you find time for her. While I like (strike that, REALLY like) guy #8, I'm not getting my hopes up. If it happens, it happens. If not, there has to be someone else, right?
In the meantime, I'm still receiving messages. Let me highlight some of them for you.
Guy #9: (directly copied) i was just perhaps wondering if maybe ur georgus self would be still looking for mr.perfect??its not often a beautiful women of ur natural passion crosses paths with an average guy like me..but maybe that could all change if i may have 5 minutes of ur precious time to show u that ever guy isnt a jerk,but wants to get to know a georgus women as urself for who she really is.thanku&i hope i hear from ur beautiful self soon :)... (Guy #9 was good looking, incredible body, and also a fresh-faced 20 year old.) I replied with a simple "thanks but I'm looking for someone more my age" and thought I was done. Nope, this young tadpole replies with another novel that basically said he understands but is sad that I won't give him a chance. Sorry, kiddo.
Guy #10: OMG UR SO SEXY OMG. This is all you write? No thanks.
Guy #11:You're beautiful. I would love to get to know you. I work in the city for the FD. (Guy # 11 and I are still talking and planning a date soon.)
Guy #12: I am just move here from overseas. You pretty. Make good wife. Please reply me so I know you like be wife. I work for international relations company and teach English. Reply beautiful wife.
Okay, seriously guy #12? How many women do you think are desperate enough to accept an online proposal from someone claiming to teach a language he can barely communicate in? "Oh my, this man wants to marry me! This is my lucky day! We will have nothing in common and will have a difficult time understanding one another but this may be my only shot at finding a husband!" Wow, just typing that made me gag a little bit.
Guy #13: Want to chat? (Replied with "sure" as he's cute and local. Correspondence is slowly [read, painfully] coming along.)
Guy #14: I want to tie you up and whip you. (I want to suggest help...delete!)
Guy #15: I live close, but am looking for someone to be my girlfriend and my personal nurse. See, I have diabetes and am looking for someone to take care of me. My disease makes it hard to work. (Thanks but no thanks.)
Ah, there you have a few of my latest online dating encounters. There was an episode of Sex and the City which outlined the fact that most men are freaks. I can do nothing more than think they've all joined plenty of fish and have stumbled across my profile. Like I said, maybe things will work out with number 8, maybe they won't. Perhaps number 11 will work out. Perhaps I'll have to wait for a new set of outlandish messages before I find one semi-sane individual worthy of my time. Either way, at least it's been pretty entertaining.
-Jess
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)