Stop the whining

I have a friend from high school named Jessica. We had lost touch when I went to college but have reconnected over the years via Facebook. She has made some decisions I don't agree with (getting pregnant in high school (she lost the baby to SIDS), having three more kids with fathers who aren't around or are in jail) yet I've been listening to her troubles and I'm done.

She is currently complaining about her job situation. Jessica had worked at Winn-Dixie for a number of years and while I'm not certain why that job ended I know that since then (3 years now?) she has not had a job. She has managed to get pregnant and have another child but can't seem to find employment of any kind. She finally found a job at Lowes yet can no longer work because she can't find babysitters for her three kids. She does nothing but complain about having no money yet she is living in section 8 housing at basically no cost to her thanks to the Florida government, she and her kids receive state provided healthcare, she receives unemployment benefits and food-stamps. She has Internet and cable, food on her table every month, healthy kids and she gets to sit on her ass the whole time instead of having to work for these benefits. She essentially earns more than I do by not working.

I sometimes quip about how I'm broke but I bust my ass for my $9.50 an hour. I pay for my own healthcare because the state of NY was no help to me when I was jobless. I make exactly $1020 a month to live off of. I pay $450 a month in rent, $120 for gas (sometimes more depending on weather and prices), $110 for the cell phones for my mom and I, $20 for Netflix, $50 for car insurance because mom is nice enough to pay the rest, I have to set aside money for my electric bill that falls every other month ($50) and then I have to set aside money for propane ($100) bringing me near my total income every month. I also have had emergency expenses come up, doctor's co-pays, prescription costs and the possibility of grocery shopping factor in. I gave up Internet, cable, a house phone, my ice skating lessons and practice as well as entertainment out because I couldn't afford it. My most recent propane bill is over $700 which is going to take me forever to pay off. I need 4 new tires. I don't bitch and complain about how I'm entitled to so much more because I make what I have work. If I want a luxury, I forego groceries or find a way to make enough money to purchase it. I wanted to buy my mom something for her birthday last year so I sold my A clarinet on eBay. I've tried to receive state help but even when I was working part-time as a sub, I made too much and since I have no kids they couldn't help me. I receive $600 in heating assistance from NY in the winter yet my total winter propane costs equal about $1400. People making twice my salary receive the same benefit. There have been days I have used banked time because I didn't have enough gas in my car to get to work. I make my situation work, she needs to figure out a way to make hers work. Trista is coming up in April. I want to do things with her so I'm saving money now. I'm planning on pulling some extra hours in the residence so I can have fun over break. I am doing what I need to do. I just wish the rest of society would do the same.

Is it wrong of me to wish people receiving such benefits to shut the hell up and do something about it?




-Jess

Frustrated.

I'm aware I haven't posted in awhile and while plenty of other topics have come to mind, I feel as though I need to vent my frustration about a recent incident first.

Setting: My living room, watching Glee. I get a text message while on the phone with mom. I ignore it until I'm done only to realize it's a text from Jordan. He wants to come up and get snowed in with me and wants to "fuck me hard."

Rewind! What?! After about ten minutes of texting he says "relax, no harm no foul." Obviously Jordan had and continues to have no idea who I am as a person. No matter how lonely I am or how badly I feel as though I need sex, I cannot forget being treated like shit and invite an ex over. I may not say it every day but I sure do feel it: I am worth more. If you miss me, it's your fault. You had your chance and blew it, and I will not take you back. I am not one of those girls that breaks up with someone 20 times only to get back together with them each time. Don't give me a reason to break up with you and we will stay together. If I break up with you it's because I can picture my life without you and it looks good.

Moral of the story? Treat a woman right the first time around and you won't be sending highly inappropriate texts months after she dumps your slacker ass.

Anyway, on to the rest of my life...

*deep breath*
Winter sucks. A lot. My tires have lasted about a year and are in dire need of being replaced. In the meantime, I'm accruing a day of sick time a month and am having to risk my life driving down my mountain in awful weather on snow days until this upcoming pay day when I will have actually saved enough money from my measly pay to buy snows. Of course this means that this has been the snowiest winter. Ever. We had a snow day today (I used my only banked day) and will most likely have one again tomorrow. Considering it's supposed to snow another 8-10 inches plus an inch of ice, I'm going to brave the waters and probably go into "no-pay" time. What's worse, I don't work a day or I don't work again because I'm dead? That's what I thought.

My baby sister has turned 13. I feel old.

That is all for now. My brain isn't functioning.


-Jess

Public service announcement.

This post is for parents of school-aged children, for couples thinking of having children and teachers everywhere.

Do. Not. Send. Your. Kid. In. To. School. When. They. Are. Sick!

I know this happens in all school situations, but I'm also aware that with immuno-compromised kids such as students at the center where I work, a common cold can turn into something much worse very quickly. I have a student who came into school a terrible cough, thick green snot pouring from her nose, a raspy voice and her menses. The poor girl was miserable. She suffers from pica, a condition that causes a person to eat anything, no matter if it's food or not. I'm sure that her sticking her finger up her nose was to relieve the congestion, but the eating of her snot was not. She was contaminating surfaces left and right. I write in her communication book that day that she is clearly sick and feeling miserable. Thankfully mom decided to keep her home the next day.

What happened next? Three of the staff in the class (myself included) start feeling cold-like symptoms. Two of our other students start suffering the same symptoms. This all could have been avoided if she had just stayed at home when this began.

What happens when you send your child in to school when they are sick? Your child infects the people they come into contact with. This includes the teachers and staff. What happens when teachers and staff get sick? They call out and your child doesn't receive the education/care that they deserve. Wouldn't you rather your child watch a movie at home when they are too sick to really function instead of watching a movie during precious class time because the teacher is too sick to function?

I'm aware that finding child care or taking a day off of work is a burden, but that is something that needs to be considered when you have kids. We as teachers do our best to stay in good health so we can provide the best education (and personal care in my situation) that we can provide, and sometimes we are insulted that you think so little of our well-being.

So what next? Lots of hot tea and cold meds for me. Hopefully I can kick this from my system before Christmas!


-Jess

On a computer

Ah, it feels so refreshing to type a blog from an actual computer instead of using the tiny iPhone keyboard. There are sometimes too many ideas and not nearly enough time to fight with the auto-correct function or the numerous mistakes one's thumbs can make.

My last post was made due to some experiences I had over the Thanksgiving Holiday weekend, and those experiences have led me to call off the relationship I had with Jordan. The strange thing is that after being together for a year, I felt no remorse or guilt for making the decision I have made. I don't feel as though I should have stuck it out in a relationship that wasn't good for me, and I'm thankful that my support system (friends and family) have felt the same. Was Jordan a good boyfriend? Yes, mostly. Were there issues that would not have worked themselves out, causing more negative than positive moments? Yes. I appreciate the relationship we had and hope that he is able to find someone better suited to his lifestyle, as I was not the one.

It's hard not to think back on past relationships and crushes and the men you admired for one reason or the other when you leave a relationship. You try not to compare one man to another, but it's a way we women weed out the attributes that we want from the ones that are deal breakers. Out of all of the men in my past, I really feel as though a person like Luke is the type of person I need. In general I feel as though I need someone who has strong family values and a good relationship with their family. I need someone who is active and doesn't mind a hike now or then. I need someone who cares about what they eat and their body and would rather come home and have a home cooked meal than stop at McDonalds 4 times a week. I need someone who is going to be a partner in the relationship, helping me without being asked and offering to cook or clean before I ask if they are hungry. I most certainly do not mind cooking for my man or making the home a clean and comfortable place to live, but I do need someone who isn't going to expect me to do it all the time without a little help. I need someone who is going to respect me for me, including all of my preferences and pet-peeves and not get upset when I try and talk about an issue. I need someone willing to communicate with me, not keep it all in and harbor resentment.

I know, to some it may seem like I'm looking for a lot in one person, but I feel as though my friend Trista said it best:

We are high maintenance women. Not necessarily in the sense that we have to look perfect all the time, be showered with gifts or expect lavish dates, but we expect the men we are with to already have the respect for us and for themselves to have already met the criteria we have outlined for our relationship. We are hard-working women who constantly put others first and feel as though we are more than deserving of a man like that. Lucky enough, she found hers. Now it's time for me to keep looking.

I re-activated my eHarmony profile and already have received some communication requests. Who knows what I may find or what the upcoming year may bring. Lets just say I'm excited to see what happens and will definitely keep you all posted.

I'm thankful that I've become this strong, independent woman. I'm hoping I can find someone who is thankful for that as well. :-)

About me

My readers should know me pretty well by now, but just in case you need a refresher this list is here to help.

-I have 7 siblings. All but one is a half-blood relationship. One of my older sisters was adopted.

-Family means a great deal to me. I don't see them all as often as I'd like, but when we are together we talk, laugh and have a good time.

-I have a couple of grudges that just cannot be let go. I'm not proud to admit it, but I'm honest with myself about it. I'm better off without those people in my life and will not be told otherwise.

-I may not know a great deal about the world but being told I'm wrong about what I do know about is a way to boil my blood almost instantly. I pride myself on what education I have and am willing to learn more about what I don't know.

-I take even greater pride in my work ethic. I am highly offended when someone questions the work I do or makes me feel as though I have slacked off.

-I will give anything and everything I can to those I love, no questions asked. I spend all I can, give as much of my emotional self as I can and even will do what I can physically to help a loved one.

-I don't expect anyone to do for me as I've been independent for my whole life. I don't accept compliments, presents or praise well. I do, however, feel incredibly lucky if someone does something small for me without my knowing.

-I hate being asked if I need help. Instead of asking me, find something you can do to help without my dictating a task, or leave me alone. If I really feel as though help were needed, you would know. Want to really help? Do something for me that I don't enjoy doing!

-I am a particular person about many things. I only use Charmin Ultra Strong toilet paper, pantene pro-v hydrating curls conditioner and I only drink skim milk. These are things I will not willingly change because I find them better than the others. I will spend extra if I have to to have these things.

-I had a step-father who has unfortunately shaped my view of men and has shown me all I cannot have in a relationship. This is not fair to the people I date, but fair to me. The amount of stress he brought to my life and the awful situations I found myself in have in a sense scarred me and I will not live through it again. If this means I'll be alone for the rest of my life, so be it.

-I am a heavy-set woman, but I am active in many ways. I work an active job (running with students, continual walking, swimming, lifting,) I figure skate, hike, boat and move in general. I don't mind staying in, but must not do so for too long. My body physically hurts if I am still for too long.

-My biggest pet-peeve is chewing with your mouth open. I have worked with students who do not have the physical ability to close their mouth when they chew. For everyone who does not suffer from a physical condition it comes down to being lazy.

-My mother is my best friend in the world. This is a fact that must be accepted. This does not mean I do not have other best friends. It just means that she is the one I go to above anyone else.

-I want children. Three or Four children. I hope to be the same kind of mother my mother was to me.

-In a sense, my dog Coda is my first baby. I will do anything to protect him, love him fiercely and will always do more than what I need to do for him. He may frustrate me at times, but he is unwavering in his love, always loyal, and his snuggling up with me has incredible healing powers.

-I suffer from poly-cystic ovarian syndrome. (PCOS) I have been on a birth control regimen since i was 15. I grow hair in strange places, have pretty wicked menstrual cycles and may have troubles getting pregnant when the time comes. It's not fun to deal with.

-I do not like my face to be touched. Part of it is because I like my own personal space, the other part is because of the prickly PCOS hair I grow on various parts of my face. I don't feel feminine because of it, and I don't want anyone to feel it.

-I often make myself available to be "dumped on" by friends but hate bringing my troubles to them. I end up being more emotional over my stresses being shared than I am about the situations I am discussing. I am sometimes too strong for my own good.

-I haul 50lb bags of dog food on my shoulder, can carry all of my groceries in one trip from the car and carry my own Christmas tree without hesitation. I do, however, bruise easily and have a sensitivity to pressure on various parts of my body. The lightest touch can feel like a punch at times.

I will add more later.

-Jess

Hello again

Man oh man it's been awhile. I'm not sure why, but I haven't felt the need to blog lately. I decided after I had to do a factory reset on my phone and found an old blogging app I loved in my iTunes to come back and write about the goings-on.

If any of you are friends with me on facebook, I'm sure you've seen my posts about how much I hate Bank of America. I've been an account holder with BoA since 2003. In that time I've had so many issues with them. Account fraud that was almost unsolved because of their lack of mailing the necessary paperwork, overdraft fees on a positive balance, authorizing companies to take money from my account without notifying me, and the latest "you can't cash your check, but you can deposit it and access your money by Tuesday" fiasco. I have a positive balance in my account. The last overdraft issue was months ago, and was rectified quickly. (Only overdraft because of mother. Ugh.) Apparently I'm not allowed to cash my $512 payroll check because of account relations. What? When I asked about this, I was told that unless I had the money in my account to cover the check I was trying to cash (and then deposit in cash so I could access the money) then I would have to deposit the check. Apparently from now on, unless you keep $500 or more in your account at all times, your account relationship is shady at best and they hold your money hostage from Friday until Tuesday morning. I asked to close my account yesterday. I was told if have to wait for the 4 other people before me and it'd probably not happen today because it was getting close to closing. I asked if I could make an appointment so I wouldn't run into this problem. The branch manager is first come first served. Appointments don't exist. Oh BoA, I hate you.

I will be removing my money on Tuesday, closing my account and moving my business elsewhere.

Work has been interesting. I finally made my case for a transfer which should be happening by the end of the year. Until then, I remain covered in bruises and mentally and physically exhausted. I was asked to teach a toddler music class at a montessori school three mornings a week, but since it's not full-time I was forced to decline. If it becomes a full-time position, they said they would call me and make me an offer. Since they've only been open for a month, they said it might take time to boost enrollment. Keep your fingers crossed!

Things with Jordan have been amazing. We are quickly approaching one year together and it blows my mind. I'm trying to figure out something special for our anniversary. :-) I still hate that I only see him on weekends, but he's keeping his eyes open for a job in this area so he can move in. Keep your fingers crossed for him. I know I am.

Mom just recently had surgery on her knee, but thankfully she's doing alright. They fixed her tendon (it was twisted sideways), shaved the bone shards off of the kneecap and drilled a hole through the bone to allow for constant bleeding in order to re-grow cartilage. She has to put no weight on her foot for 6 more weeks, but her doctor said she'll make a full recovery. This will also allow her partially torn achilles tendon to heal as well.

Anywho, I'm going to head back to my book. Hope this update finds you well.

Stuck in a rut.

I knew that looking for a new job in this economy was going to be a difficult task. I'm well aware that companies simply are not hiring. This is becoming a source of frustration that I simply cannot free myself from. I search for openings almost daily. I'm well aware that beggars can't be choosers, so I'm considering anything with a pay-rate of more than $9.50 an hour. Too bad I am not certified to operate a fork-lift or haven't had 5 years in grocery store experience. I could be making $50,000+ a year right now. The sad thing is that the jobs I am qualified for are either at the same pay-rate or they are for companies who work with people with disabilities. *sigh*

I did take a step to better my current job situation this week. I suggested a transfer to a new classroom. This classroom would be all female residents, and only one has "severe" behaviors. Her biggest aggressive behavior is one that I encounter 20+ times in a shift with just one of the boys I am currently working with. I'm hoping that they okay the transfer. I'd get myself out of a class that is dangerous, and I'd also get out from under my current supervisor. (He and I butt heads quite a bit, so this would be a great change.)

On the home front, things have been okay. I just found out that my mom is pretty badly injured. She nearly completely tore her Achilles tendon and needs surgery before she loses her ability to walk. (If she tears it completely, that's what it will come to. Apparently it is only hanging by a thread.) This was discovered after seeing a doctor about her knee, which she will also have to have surgery on. After 8-12 weeks in a full-leg cast for the Achilles tendon, she will then have the knee operated on and will have to go through recovery for that. This poor woman. I don't know how she does it, but even now, she remains strong and doesn't complain about it. She's dished so much crap and yet she's never "why me" about it. I wish that I will one day be that strong.

Things with Jordan have been going strong. We are nearing 10 months together which blows my mind. I always wish I have more time with him, but I take what I can get and support him and his new job. I can say that I'm hoping a great job in my area opens up for him so he can move in and I can spend every day with him. I had considered looking for something in his area as far as work goes, but we both love where I live so I decided to abandon that idea. Paradise for only $450 a month? Who would give that up?

Alright, that's it for me. Perhaps I'll post more when I have something interesting to say.