Post-wedding thoughts.

Well, the big day is over. Josh and Trista's wedding day has come to a close. How do I feel? Primarily I feel a mixture of sadness and relief. Perhaps this is a temporary feeling and I'll go back to feeling happy tomorrow.

The sadness has a lot to do with the realization that my best friend (aside from my mom) is someone I do not see often. I was finally able to be with her for the first time since may 2007, and now it's over. I miss her so much and I'm sad that it was such a short time spent with her. I'm staying with her sister tonight and when I came back to her room I started crying. I was sad that I'd have to leave my friend again and go back to my routine without her. I feel that way frequently, because my closest friends are The furthest away in distance. Jordan had become my best local friend, which has helped and terrified me all at the same time.

I was able to see many people I haven't seen in years this weekend, and most of it was quite pleasant. I finally saw my old clarinet player and "mom-away-from-mom", Lynn Musco, which helped make the trip a great one. She is such an inspiration and helped me through so many rough times in my life. I love her with all of my heart and it was really hard for me to say goodbye to her. We chatted for about 10 minutes and it really made me miss her more. I'm hoping that when and if I get married, she will come to the wedding. :-)

This weekend also caused me to miss Jordan so much. Seeing all the couples made me wish that he was with me. Hearing all the stories of new relationships and seeing Trista and Josh take that next step made me think of how lucky I am to have a man who treats me so well and who makes me laugh. He's such a wonderful man and I really wished he could have shared this with me. I wish he could have met those who are close to me. It's crazy to think that a psychic could have been right, but here i am, 25 years old and in love with a wonderful man. The psychic said I'd be with my soul-mate, the one I am to marry by this time. Part of me really thought that Jordan could be it. It didn't scare me. It actually was a comforting thought. Maybe it's how I actually feel. Maybe it's just wedding emotions causing it all. Time will have to tell. All I know is that the past 7 months have been amazing, and I always
hope that there are many more wonderful months to come.

Tomorrow I'm going to Monique's and then I help her band camp out before being dropped off at the airport. I am sad to leave, but i can't wait to be home. It's an odd feeling, but one I'll just have to deal with.

To Trista and Josh, may all the happiness in the world make it's way into your life. I hope that you will never forget this day, and what you felt when you became husband and wife. I love you both with all my heart.

It's been awhile.

Wow, Easter was awhile ago, huh? I can't believe I haven't posted since my fantastic weekend in the city. It just goes to show you that I've been busy.

Skating:
I've been busy as usual with skating. I had a competition on May 2nd in Wayne, NJ to prepare for so I was busy practicing my compulsorary (moves-based, no music, judged completely on your technical aspects, no points awarded for "show") and showcase (entertainment and moves-based with music. The more you ham it up, the better) programs. I had decided that I was going to be Carmen Miranda for my showcase, so I tried pretty hard to bring her to life on the ice. This competition was a first for me in many aspects. It was my first competition outside of my practice rink. It was the first time I had worn an actual skating dress. It was my first time doing a program with real jumps (bunny hops don't really count as jumps) and footwork! I worked hard and because of my diligence, I brought home two gold medals and a new sense of pride. Who knew I'd feel so at home performing for a panel of judges as well as an audience of parents and skaters? The mere thought of playing a solo on the clarinet brought my legs to a jello-like consistancy, yet being Carmen Miranda on the ice was nothing to worry about. I was really honored when the skating director from that rink approahed me to tell me I was highly entertaining and that my elements were great. What an amazing feeling! People were coming up to me when it was all said and done to complement my performance. One of the adult competitors from another rink told me it makes her happy to see adults skating in competitions. It is a small group, but I'm hoping that more people will build up the courage and confidance and join in. It's too much fun not to try!

Since the competition ended, I've been working on my moves. I'm hoping to test sometime in July. I also have ordered my first pair of official "professional" ice skates. The skates I'm in now are an entry-level Ridell skate. They have no real padding in the boot, the soles are PVC instead of leather and cork, and my blades just barely have a visable toe-pick. Since toe-picks are essential for jumping (and since I'm doing waltz jumps, half-flips and have begun working on my toe-loop) I decided I was in need of an upgrade. I essentially have spent a month's rent (that I thankfully had to spend, courtesy of a healthcare reimbursement check from my job) but I'm excited to see just what I can do in them. They will hopefully come in before next weekend!

Boyfriend:
Things with Jordan couldn't be better. Well, of course aside from the fact that I don't get to see him nearly as often as I'd like...lol. He is honestly a wonderful boyfriend (manfriend?) and I'm thankful he puts up with me. He's been coming to my skating practices on Saturday mornings, has endured more impromptu family gatherings than I had planned and willingly rubs my feet (even if they are sweaty and have a slight aroma) when we are laying on the couch at home. He's helpful with coda and general housekeeping, he is always asking what he can do for me, and in general, he just makes me feel wonderful. I'm really glad I managed to find this guy. :-)

Life:
Things on the work front have been tense. There are three pregnant staff in my classroom, so that leaves three of us to rotate through the kids with the aggressive behaviors. It takes a toll on you physically and emotionally, but it's all the name of the game. I had to fight for time off for Trista's wedding, and finally was allowed to take two days off. I was given an opportunity to assist in a music therapy session which was seriously cool. The head of the department complimented me on my work and said that she is going to keep my name on file in case she needs help again. That was another little ego boost. :-) the family seems to be doing alright. Olivia is seriously PMS-y, and I'm ready to put her attitude in check. Most of the time she's okay, other times I look at her as though she's been taken by the devil. Alex is his typical soon-to-be-17 self. X-box is his life.

Not a whole lot to report on. Oh! I'm 2 pounds shy of losing 40 lbs. That's pretty rad. I'm hoping to keep it up and see how much I can lose. :-)

-- Jessica

An Easter to remember

This Easter was by far one of the best that I have celebrated. As part of Jordan's Easter basket, I bought tickets to see Fela! We decided to plan a day around the 2:00 matinee performance, and then the next thing you know we landed a hotel room for nothing (thanks to a connection my mom had made). The day we had planned turned into a 2-day event that was full of fun and laughter. We took the train into the city and arrived around 11:20. A taxi ride later brought us to the hotel to drop off our things. From there we went to this hipster burger joint at Le Parker Meridian hotel. It was a cool little place behind a curtain that made delicious burgers. On the walls were tons of celebrity (and wanna-be celebrity) signatures and notes about the food. I thought that was kind of neat. Jordan and I both decided that it was a win on the "dining in NY" list. Good food, decent prices, great feel to it. From there we decided to take a walk down to Pinkberry which was an amazing experience. I had a pomegranate pinkberry with fresh raspberries, blackberries, kiwi and pineapple. Delicious on such a warm day! We sat at the corner of W. 56th and 8th Ave. watching people and eating our frozen treat. We decided to take a walk down to times square to take a look at things (and to be in the general area of the theater) and found ourselves in the M&M store. We killed some time (thanks partially to the line to the ladies room) and then headed to the theater.

I can honestly say that Fela! was unlike any show I've seen. It was electric. Emotionally charged, rhythmically unique, a look and sound that really keeps your blood pumping. It made me happy to break out of the "traditional" musical scene and see something that I normally would have passed over. It also renewed my love for live theater and my desire to be a part of it. The musicians look like they are having such a good time, and you can tell that the cast WANTS to be on stage and that they love doing their job. It made me think about leaving the playhouse last season, and how much I am going to miss being in that environment this summer. (I do, however, remind myself that NO job is worth the verbal abuse I sustained, and the $405 I made a week did not cover the 80 hours of my life I put into my job.) Seeing this show also reminded me that I don't live far from the city, so there are no excuses as to why I cannot renew my love for the theater more often. (Well, aside from finances of course.)

We went back to the hotel after the show and had to hang out for a bit. I had a bit of a headache (allergies I'm thinking) and had to wait for the tylenol to kick in. We decided to grab pizza at Bella Napoli for dinner and then to Crumbs for dessert. Seriously, the best cupcake I've ever had. The raspberry swirl is AMAZING! We headed back to the hotel to eat our cupcakes and decide where to go from there. We decided drinks were in order so we went to 1-2-3 burger shot beer (a sports bar) for a few drinks, then we went back to the hotel to have a couple of more (since we felt badly about not having dinner there). After awhile of talking and laughing, we headed back to the room to crash.

Sunday morning rolls around and we start packing our things and getting ready to head to Telepan for brunch, since Jordan had made reservations for us. We make a quick trip back to Crumbs to grab cupcakes for the family for Easter dessert (which were well received, and the Caramel Apple cupcake is yet another AMAZING flavor) and then took a nice stroll to the restaurant. While walking, we passed the Met which then got my brain going. I want to go see an opera, and it's the same situation as coming to see a play or musical. Just take the train in and go! What's stopping me? Why don't I look into these things? Madama Butterfly is on the list for this season. ONE OF MY FAVORITE OPERAS! You can bet that I am going to start looking into tickets, because I don't want to miss a shot to see productions of great operas because I'm too lazy to help myself. Brunch was amazingly delicious (apple crepes and pear french toast...mmm) but ridiculously decadent, so we decided to walk it off in the Barnes and Noble down the street. About an hour of shopping (and two books later) we left, headed back to the hotel and then to Grand Central. The train back to Beacon was peaceful, and the drive was great until I was about 15 minutes from mom's. I was pulled over (joy) and given a ticket for speeding. We get to Mom's house where there are people galore (Stephanie, Bianca, Chas and Devan came from Newburgh, Lisa, Jill and Adam, Mom, Alex, Olivia, Myself, Jordan and then a family friend Fred. A nice gathering) eating and having a good time. Jordan and I eat, take a trip back to my house so he can finish packing and then he he left.

It was an awesome weekend spent with a person who makes me laugh and smile continuously. (Well, maybe not continuously, but it sure feels like it. :-P) It was full of new experiences and great stories to tell. It was a weekend that will seriously go down as one of the best. I can't wait to see what other weekend adventures will be planned.

The reason we own pets.

Being on spring break has offered me a chance to relax and recharge mentally and physically. What has helped me do this? Honestly, being with my dog Coda.

Over the past week, I've realized that my dog is a continual source of entertainment. Sure, if he does something dog-like that I feel is naughty I stress over it, but that comes with anything in life. (thankfully coda has been pretty good lately...)

I have played with him, walked with him, eaten with him and tested with him. I've also thought a lot about the reason I have him and why he's such a major part of my life.

When I adopted Coda, I had just moved out on my own. No roommate, no family down the road. I wanted someone here with me to help keep away the feelings of lonliness. He did just that. He wagged his tail and looked happy to see me when I got home. He kept me busy walking and playing and cleaning up after him. He gave me a sense of security at night. It was perfect.

It still is pretty perfect. I believe that Coda is a lot like me in the way he acts. He is fiercly loyal to those he loves and yet he can be friendly to everyone. (Jordan and I got into a tickle fight and when I screamed, Coda snarled at him and jumped on him. He didn't get violent, but his warning was heard. Moments later he was curled up in Jordan's lap as though nothing happened.) Coda is skittish and barks at everything (I hear every noise in and out of this house and sometimes it freaks me out) and often moans about noises that bother him. (If I sneeze while he is sleeping, he moans, opens his eyes and gives me a look like "thanks. I was having a great dream!" Coda is clumsy and yet can run like a psycho around the house and any obsticle (suitcase) laying around with such grace that it astounds me. He's playful and lazy and he honestly prefers fresh veggies to kibble. He is a doggie contradiction, and I love him.

I believe that people own pets because it gives them a sense of accomplishment. We are proud of the commands they obey. We are proud of how beautiful they are. We are proud of how well they play with others. We are especially proud of the feeling of relationship success we have with our pets. We care for them day in and day out. They see our good and bad sides and yet not much can destroy the relationship we have with them. It's not like the relationships we have with people. If we get short with our friends or lash out at them because of stress, we may end up with one less friend. I've yelled at coda unfairly because of stress and yet he still wakes me up with doggy kisses and always wants to lay beside me to sleep. He can tell if I'm upset and always finds a way to cheer me up. He even has his own little way of apologizing after he's done something wrong. It may be considered "lame" to blog about your pet, but I figured that such an essential part of my life should be talked about and honored. Two years of dog ownership has taught me a lot about myself, and I'm thankful for the experience. I'm also thankful for the friend it has brought me in Coda. He's the best first dog a girl could ask for.

Flickering Lights

My 12-in-12 attempt failed miserably this past month. I had hoped I'd be back on track, but with my skating competition on the 13th, I was more focused on preparing. Besides, the man came up on the 12th and lord knows I don't pay attention to much else while he's around. (Sickening, I am aware...)

The competition went very well. I skated decently and ended up taking home two gold medals. The man met some family and friends (and was well received) and seemed very supportive. My coach was very proud of me. It felt good, and I can't wait to do it again. I'm just waiting to see when that will be.

Valentine's day was fantastic. I felt like a tool after I opened my gifts from him. What I got him seemed so lame compared to what I received. Oh well. I made him a meal of roasted chicken (which I wasn't impressed with), roasted garlic parmesan mashed potatoes and broccoli with a bread crumb topping. I also made eclairs for dessert. All that really matters is that I was able to spend time with him, and I loved every minute.

Last week proved to be interesting. We had three straight days of snow that dropped three feet of snow in some areas and caused mass power outages. I lost power sometime on Thursday and as of this moment, I'm still without power. It's been beyond frustrating, but thankfully I am okay. It allowed me to visit some of the Ropke side of the family, as well as have a nice (but brief) visit with the man. Sadly, I will not be able to see him until the weekend of the 12th, so it was nice to spend the half an hour I had with him.

Things on the romantic front have been good. I really enjoy his company and his conversation. He makes me laugh and always seems to know the right things to say. My feelings for him are growing and while it scares the hell out of me, it's a nice thing to admit. I miss him every moment he is gone and always anticipate his next visit.

Anyway, there's the update. Perhaps I'll have something more interesting to report later.

Ice Ice baby

Man oh man, where has the time gone? Oh, I know. It's gone into working, playing on the weekends (sometimes with the boy) and skating. Lots of skating. I was approached by my coach about participating in my first Figure Skating competition and so I said "sure, let's do it." Man, I should have realized that my OCD and type A personality would make this more difficult on me than it needs to be. I'm a perfectionist at heart, and try to push myself to be the best at everything I set out to do. This causes me grief on the ice. I have changed my music twice, mostly because I knew I could find something better. I ended up with "It's just a house" from the Up Soundtrack and I love it. I have only been skating with my music for a short time, and yet I have only Monday night left to practice before the competition is here. I know that I have only been skating for a short time, yet I expect things to be perfect while I am out there. I'm also dealing with the fact that I am stuck between skating levels, and cannot do some of the things I can do because of deductions. This simplifies my program a bit, and makes it that much more irritating to me. I lost this past Saturday of skating due to back issues (that I haven't figured out the cause to) and am really hoping that come tomorrow night, I'll be where I need to be to take home the gold.

Things with work have been good. I was told by one of the directors of the Education department that I am an asset to the company and they really hope that I pursue a higher position within the center. I was told that I work well with the kids and that they respond very well to me. I have "a natural talent when it comes to being in a classroom working with children or staff." It was very nice to hear, and it came at the right time. I was starting to get frustrated with my position, but now it's helping me push myself and do what I need to do to to move up the ladder.

The man is coming up for Valentine's weekend, and I can't wait. Despite it being the competition weekend, it should be a good time. I'm trying to figure out what to cook for him for Valentine's dinner and am coming up with no ideas. Hopefully with some research I'll be good to go.

That's all for now. My 12-in-12 will be coming up soon. Keep your eye out!

You've got to ice it.

Trainers have it right. You put ice on an injury to help it heal. It helps take the pressure off. The swelling reduces. Funny how the same can be true about skating and dealing with life.

I've found my skating sessions to be theraputic. While sitting on the bench, I think through all of the things that are bothering me. With each lace I pull tighter, I release one of those thoughts. With each stroke across the ice, I think about the positive things in my life. With each successful move I make, I cheer for myself and feel as though this is what I need to be doing. I can walk into the lobby with the weight of the world on my shoulders, and as soon as my session is over I'm smiling and ready for the next phase of my day. I always want more time. My three hours of skating a week never seems like enough.

I loved weightlifting when I was in High School. I loved it so much that it became a secondary option had I not been accepted by Stetson. I was scouted by an Olympic trainer and was asked to train with him. I still, however, never felt as at peace with that sport as I do with figure skating. It's strange.

This past weekend was my first competition. I was in two events, and placed first in both. I was proud of myself. All of that practice and effort paid off. I received complements by many. I left wanting more. More skating. More testing. More competing. It's addicting.

The skating also brought a slight change in my relationship with the man. (Boy seems wrong to say. Boyfriend...manfriend...I donno.) He came to be supportive of me, and in turn had to meet my mom, sister and entire extended skating family. He did well and was a real trooper. Even though he was shy, everyone really liked him. We girls always try to convince ourselves that the opinions of of family only count a little, but truthfully it matters more than that. I was able to breathe a sigh of relief when mom called me and said she approved. It made it that much easier to like him. Not only did he put himself in that awkward social situation for me, but he spoiled me rotten on Valentine's Day. I've never been so happy and surprised by a guy I've dated like that before. I can't help but like him and the time we spend together. :-)

See? Ice it and it all gets better. I think I'm going to continue this thought for awhile. Perhaps more good luck will come my way.

-- Jessica